Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they're owned by the beeb and I do not own these lyrics, they're owned by Pink.
Author's Note: I love days off work. This is my third fic today. It's brilliant. :D So anyway, I was listening to Pink and this song jumped out at me and this little story got a-spinning in my brain. It's my explanation for how baby Melody became the bad-ass that is River. For this story I decided that it took Amy & Rory years to be able to eventually track River down and rescue her and that the Doctor wasn't able to find her directly after AGMGTW. Just so y'know. Enjoy…
"I've got my things packed, my favourite pillow And I wonder, how long it will take them I was just trying to be myself, have it your way, I'll meet you in hell Well, I'm too young to be taken seriously
Got my sleeping bag, climb out the window
All the pictures and pain, I've left behind
All the freedom and fame, I've gotta find
To notice that I'm gone
And I wonder, how far it'll take me
To run away, it don't make any sense to me
Run away, this life makes no sense to me
Run away, it don't make any sense to me
It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell, I've got to run away
It's hypocritical of you, do as you say not as you do
I'll never be your perfect girl, I've got to run away
But I'm too old to believe all this hypocrisy
And I wonder, how long it will take them to see my bed is made
And I wonder, how long it'll take me
And I wonder, how long it will take them
I was just trying to be myself, have it your way, I'll meet you in hell
Well, I'm too young to be taken seriously
To run away, it don't make any sense to me…
If I was a mistake, I might have nowhere left to go
But I know that I cannot go home
These words are strapped inside my head
Tell me to run before I'm dead"
I know you love me and so I'm sorry. I'm sorry to put you through this. I love you both but you're killing me. You're imprisoning me. I can't breathe. I know what you've been through. I see it in your faces every time I'm out of your sight for more than a few moments- see the blind panic across your face and I know your pain. You lost me. I remember because I lost you too and it hurt. I hated it. But I was free, in a sense. When you found me I'd been trained to kill, trained to be know myself and rely on my instincts totally. I could survive anywhere and anything. I could handle a gun. I could take down a fully grown man. I was seven. And it terrified you.
I don't think you've ever really lost that fear. You lock me away and you say it's for my own protection, that you can't risk anyone finding me again, but I think part of you is scared what I'd do if I came into contact with real people. You think I'm dangerous. Maybe I am. So you keep me inside, hidden from view. I feel like one of those princesses locked in a tower but I'm not like you mum, I'm not just going to wait for some man to come and rescue me from my awful existence. Especially not when I know the only man that could save me has been banished from ever coming near me.
You're hypocrites, both of you, do you realise that? I hear you talking about your adventures with wistful voices when you think I'm not listening. You tell me of all these wonders you saw and yet you keep away the one man who could take me on them. It's not his fault. No one could find me, no one could have rescued me and yet you punish him as if it's all his fault. I remember the one time I saw him. Saw this man I'd been trained to kill for as long as I could remember. I knew all about him, all his weak spots. And he knew that I knew everything but he still just stared at me with this dopey grin. My training told me to aim, to fire but my heart told me to love him. I was twelve and fell in love with a man you after told me I could never see again. You said he'd put me in danger, that he'd change me. I told you then I didn't care. I still don't.
I can't believe you could cut someone out of your life who was so important to you because you were afraid. Afraid of what me and him would do, what we'd become. You thought that you could keep me for yourself by stopping me ever meeting him. But he's in my blood. That man like me. He's the only one who knows what it feels like to have the universe running through your head at every moment of every day. He's the only one who ever could teach me, help me. He's the only one who could love me for who I am rather than what they wanted me to be. I was brought up by people who wanted me to be a warrior and then I was loved by you two who want me to be just this ordinary human. I can't be either. I know he understands. I can feel him even though it's been so long since I last saw him.
Six long years it's been since I saw him. Six years of being mollycoddled, of being kept in eyesight at all time. I could shoot anyone who came anywhere near me with my eyes shut and yet I'm not allowed to walk to the shops on my own. I can regenerate and save myself from most pain that people could inflict on me yet you won't allow me to play football for fear I'll get hurt. I can't stand it anymore. All I can think of is finding him and running away. Running away from this life you want me to lead. It's not me. I can't be this normal, safe girl you want me to be. I love you mum and I love you dad but I can't be this girl you imagine I am. I'm itching to see the stars, I'm itching to live for the first time in a long time.
So I'm running away. I've got to find him. This man, this impossible man that I know has so much to do with my future. I don't know how long I'll have to look for him and how difficult it will be but I know I will find him- find my future. I hate to do this to you- I never wanted to hurt you. Don't look for me. I don't want to have to run from you but I will if I have to. Please don't worry about me. You know, you've always know, that he will look after me. And even if he didn't you should know, by now, that I can look after myself.
I will love you, always,
Review, pretty please?