Disclaimer: Do not own Loveless, do not own characters, do own this story and have it cross-posted as Hanjuuluver, so do not sue or flag please!
True, at night it was hard to deal with. Soubi would always say things like this though.
"I love you." What does he mean, really? It was weird. Not because Soubi is a guy, or because he's older, or… well, ok, a little bit because he's older, but mostly because I don't know what he means. How can he love me if I don't even know who I am?
Like I said. It's hard to deal with. Usually. But right now… The sun is out. The leaves are rustling just enough to keep the silence away. The birds are chirping happily as if nothing could possibly be wrong. And right now, in Soubi's arms—sitting in his lap under this tree, him holding me like I belong there—I love the sound of it. Just as I know I do every time he whispers those words in my ear—day, night, during fights or when it's just us… I really do like hearing it.
Maybe… Just maybe this is something I could call my own—someone I can call my own—someone who I care about and cares about me in return. I'm… I'm not quite sure what to believe anymore. People are telling me my brother was a bad guy, but he was always so nice to me… But if that's really who he was, how could anyone call him evil? There are so many uncertainties… There is so much that keeps me awake at night, but even when everything else seems unstable, shifting, and wrong I can turn to Soubi and know that he will hold me tight and call me his own. He'll tell me he loves me.
Maybe that's all I need. I just need someone to tell me they love me. And even if I can't decide if I believe it or not, I can't deny that every time he says it, my spine tingles. I can't deny that whenever he says he loves me, I can't help but think that I love him too.
And for now, that's enough. I can sit here with him under this tree and let him keep his arms wrapped around my waist and his head resting softly against my neck. I can let him stay by my side without worrying that he'll run away too. I can sit here and enjoy the coolness of the breeze on my face and the warmth of his body behind me, and let his hair tickle me whenever the wind picks up. I can sit here and I can feel like everything is fine. And in the end, that's all I need.