Where's the 'Happy' in the Birthday?
What... what's going on?
Ugh... I feel sleeepy...
"GAKUPO WAKE UP YOU LAZY BUM!"
Gakupo felt something slick and slimy slap his face.
"YECH!" he screamed, sitting up.
He saw Luka standing before him, arms crossed. Her tuna hung from one of her hands, and she tapped her foot expectantly.
"What?" said Gakupo, confused.
"It's morning, that's what!" said Luka, waving her tuna at him. "You have to WORK, remember? Huh? HUH? Why-"
"Okay, I'm up!" said Gakupo, sliding off the bed. "Heeey, what's for breakfast?"
"Your face." said Luka, before strutting downstairs.
She's acting crankier than usual. thought Gakupo, bounding down the stairs after her.
"But if you cook my face, that'll hurt!" said Gakupo innocently.
"That hurts to, doesn't it." grumbled Luka, and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen.
"What's wrong?" said Gakupo curiously, as Luka turned on the stove.
Luka didn't answer, just dropped some eggs into a pan.
"Hello? What'd I do wrong this time?" said Gakupo.
Luka turned and growled at him.
"Whoa... did you just...?" said Gakupo.
Luka flicked the pan up and the eggs spun in the air before flopping back into the pan, sizzling.
"Oh, nothing's wrong, Gakupo!" she said in a singsong voice, shrugging exaggeratedly. "Nyope. Everything's just dandy."
She grabbed a whole apple and dropped it into the pan. It just sat there.
"Well, that's peculiar." muttered Gakupo. Luka swore and threw the apple at Gakupo. It hit him in the face.
"What's going on?" said Gakupo, following her as she got some plates. "C'mon, tell me!"
She looked down and saw that he was giving her his ultimate weapon:
"Pweeeeze-?" he begged, but Luka just narrowed her eyes and went back to the stove.
Oh no! he thought, biting his nails. If the puppy eyes don't work, then what WILL?
"Luuukaaaa..." he moaned. "Tell meeee...!" he pleaded, poking her.
Luka lifted the pan high in the air, and Gakupo shrank back.
The eggs dropped onto the plate.
She shoved it towards him, dropping the remaining eggs onto another plate.
"Hmph." she sniffed, and sat down at the table.
Gakupo sat opposite from her.
Luka shoved the food into her mouth and stood up immediately, walking out the door.
Gakupo just stood there, stunned.
"Have a nice day!" he called after her.
Luka opened the door and slammed it again.
"'Kay, then." Gakupo said sadly, and continued to eat his eggs at a normal pace.
When Gakupo was finished, he stood up and put on his coat, walking out the door.
Gakupo ducked into his car and turned the key. The car roared to life, vibrating. He'd just finished his work.
He glanced at his phone and he picked it up, dialing Luka's number.
It rang for a while, and Gakupo sagged as he heard the voicemail message.
Hey, this is Luka! I'm not here right now. Leave a message after the beep, Gakupo, see if I care.
Gakupo ended the call, dialing again.
And this time, Luka picked up.
"Hey!" said Gakupo. "What-?"
Luka hung up.
Gakupo raised his eyebrows and dialed yet another time, sighing.
"What?" Luka hissed.
"What's wrong?" said Gakupo. "Tell me! I'll do anything-"
"Isn't there a certain birthday you've forgotten?" she said.
"Ahaha, don't you worry!" he said. "I already made reservations at... uh, Hiko's Grill!
"Yeah, right." muttered Luka.
And then she hung up.
Aaagh, what was I thinking? thought Gakupo. That place can have a waiting list for months!
He put his head in his hands and groaned.
Well, I can do this anyway! he thought. I'll get a reservation there, no matter what! For Luka!
He smiled and dialed Hiko's Grill.
"Please, please, please, please, pleeeease!" he whispered.
Hello. said the restaurant's voicemail. Our phone line is having technical difficulties. All reservations must be made in person. Thank you!
"Ugh..." said Gakupo. "Fine, then!"
He pressed down the pedal on his car and drove away, on the road. But suddenly, he felt it slowing down and pulled over.
He turned the car off and on again, frowning as he pressed the pedal.
The car didn't move.
"Argh!" he said. "Fine, then, I'll take the bus!"
He stepped out of the car and locked it.
And then the sky broke loose, drenching him instantly with rain.
"Great. Juuust great." he said to himself, and turned to walk to the nearest bus stop.
Wait! he thought, freezing. But I don't know where that is!
He looked around, seeing a row of stores next to the road.
Ah, I'll ask! he thought, walking towards a small store. The lit up sign over it read, "Apple Mart".
Gakupo walked in, looking at the place. It looked pretty beat up.
The cashier eyed him suspiciously as he neared her.
"Hello." said Gakupo politely, smiling. "Can you-"
"AAAAAGH!" yelled the woman, raising a baseball bat. Gakupo's eyes widened and he stepped back.
"Uh-uh-uh-" he stammered.
"YER ONE OF 'EM!" she yelled, twirling the bat over her head.
"N-no!" said Gakupo, holding up his hands. "I'm just-"
"GIT OUT!" shouted the lady, jumping onto the desk. "Ya want me? Well ya gotta go through mah lil friend here first!"
Gakupo ran stiffly out of the store, feeling the woman watching him as he left.
When he was finally outside, he let out his breath.
"Whew!" he said. "That was odd!"
He walked towards the store next to it. The sign over it said, "Nellie's Real Estate".
Thunder crackled in the sky and Gakupo shivered, his purple ponytail soaking up the water like a sponge and weighing his head down.
He nervously walked into the store. The guy at the desk looked at him.
"Welcome!" said the man.
"Do... do you think I'm one of them?" said Gakupo.
The man raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Why, of COURSE not! Everyone is welcome here!"
"Okay... so-" said Gakupo.
"What would you like?" said the man. "We've got many, many homes here. There are the old-fashioned traditional ones with brick, but if you want something with more of a country feel-"
"Uh... mister?" said Gakupo.
"We have the good old trusty wooden ones. But there are also the new stucco homes, which look very nice in some cases. Did you know that-"
Gakupo interrupted. "Excuse me, but I'm not here to buy a house! I'm here to-"
The man walked away.
"Huh?" said Gakupo. "What? Come back here!"
The man came back. "What?" he huffed. "Stop wasting my time."
"Do you know where the nearest bus stop is?" said Gakupo.
"Only if you make a purchase, son." said the man, crossing his arms.
"But... I already have a house." said Gakupo, deflating.
"Well, get another one then!" said the man, spreading his arms. "A second house is always a good choice, because you never know what might happen to the first one! We've got a wide selection of-"
"GoodBYE." muttered Gakupo, walking out the door.
"You'll regret not buying a house!" the man shouted after him, waving his fist. "You'll regret it!"
Gakupo looked at the shop next to it. It had a sign over it saying, "Veggie Market".
"Okay, let's see here." he said. "Third time's a charm, right?"
When he walked in, he saw someone with a huge beard at the cash register. And boy, that thing was huge. It reached the man's waist. The man also had long hair flowing down his back, and a flower in his hair.
"Hi!" said Gakupo, ignoring the man's appearance. "So-"
"Heeey, maaan." said the man, waving his arm floppily. "And how are yooooou doin' on this fiiine, beauuutiful day?"
"Uh, fine." said Gakupo, confused. "Anyway, I-"
"The raaaain is sooo dreeeamy, isn't it?" said the man, sighing and clasping his hands. "It's almost like the angels are cryin' because we ain't being good people down 'ere. Yeeeah, I wrote a sooong about the rain. Do you want to hear it, brother?"
"No thanks!" said Gakupo. "I just want to know-"
The man, apparently ignoring Gakupo, drew a banjo from underneath his desk. He slung it across himself and started strumming, singing in a cracked, horrible voice.
"I see the rain outsiiide,
It looks like lots of whaaales
whales whales whales
drifting through the aaaairs...!"
Gakupo shuddered. "Sorry, but I just need to know-"
The man ignored him again.
"It falls like the suuuun
And loooove is gooood-"
"SIR, I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE NEAREST BUS STOP IS!" yelled Gakupo, making the man jump.
"Calm down, lil' brother." the man slurred as Gakupo fumed across from him. "Why do ya want the bus? All it does is spread polluuution through the air, and that's bad for the environment-"
"But where is it?" said Gakupo. "So I can, uh... destroy it!"
"Oh, that's deeefferent!" said the man, smiling. "If ya go straight down the sidewalk and take the second left, then it's riiiight there."
"Thanks!" said Gakupo. "Yeah... go whales!"
"Right on, lil' brother!" said the man, waving as Gakupo left.
Gakupo walked outside, stepping in a puddle that soaked his shoes and the bottoms of his pants. The rain was loud, splashing against the road and the sidewalk.
"For Luka!" Gakupo shouted, walking down the sidewalk, barely hearing himself over the rain.
And then he slipped, thudding onto his backside.
He got up again, grinning determinedly.
"Even that embarrassing unfortunate incident won't keep me from making Luka happy!" he said, and kept walking, groaning as his rear throbbed.
Thirty Minutes Later...
Gakupo dragged himself around the second left, and looked down.
On the grass next to the sidewalk was the sign without the pole. There was red writing on it.
Gakupo picked up the sign and read it.
'For the whales, yeah!' was written on it. There was a peace sign next to the writing.
"Aw, man!" said Gakupo. "Now how will the bus stop here if they don't see the sign?"
He rubbed his chin, and suddenly he snapped his fingers.
"I know!" he said, and picked up the sign, holding it up in the air.
A bus zoomed by.
"Hey!" he shouted after it. "S-stop!"
He felt a rock hit his back and turned.
"Whales SUCK!" yelled a boy, and his friends all cackled as the ran.
"Fine, whatever!" said Gakupo. "I can find the next bus stop-!"
And then a bus stopped in front of him and the door opened.
"Hey!" said Gakupo, waving and tossing the sign to the side. "Can I get on?"
"Why did you-?" said the man, raising his eyebrows.
"Never mind that!" said Gakupo. "Can I get on?"
"One dollar fare." said the bus driver.
Gakupo dug through his pockets and found fifty cents.
"Uh... do you take credit cards? Because-"
The driver closed the door and drove away.
"HEY!" called Gakupo. "WAAAIT!"
The bus didn't come back.
Gakupo looked around, searching for some other way to get to the restaurant. Finding nothing else to turn to, he sucked in a deep breath and held up his hand in a hitchhiker signal, waving it back and forth.
After about five minutes, a car pulled up with a young man in it.
"Hey, ya need a ride?" he asked.
"Oh, yes!" said Gakupo, nodding gratefully as the man unlocked the door. Gakupo got in and closed the door.
The man started driving.
"Hey, but I haven't told you where to go yet...!" said Gakupo.
The man chuckled and Gakupo's stomach dropped.
"Doesn't matter." said the man.
"Hey... can I get out now?" said Gakupo.
"Nope." said the man. "Why don't we have some... fun together, pretty girl?"
"For the last time... I. AM. A. MAN!"
"What?" said the man, looking back. "Wait, you ARE a man! Gross!"
He screeched to a stop next to the sidewalk.
"Get out!" he shouted.
Gakupo did so happily, and the car screeched as it drove off.
"My hair is perfectly manly." he muttered angrily to himself, and tried to think of another way to get to the restaurant.
"I guess... I can walk." he said to himself. "Wait! A cab!"
He took out his phone and dialed a cab service.
A few minutes later, a cab pulled up. Gakupo got in.
"Hey, you take credit cards, right?" he said.
"Yep." said the driver.
"Here." said Gakupo, handing him the card. The driver swiped it in a small machine in the front.
"Where to?" said the driver.
"Hiko's grill, please!" said Gakupo, sitting back. Finally, things were going to go his way!
The driver started driving. But the minute he turned onto the road, they were met with a huge pile of traffic.
"No, come ON!" shouted Gakupo, clutching his head.
"Goin' as fast as I can here, you know." said the driver.
"Yeah, yeah, I know." said Gakupo, sagging.
"I could try and do something illegal, go into that side lane there." said the driver. "You decide."
Gakupo bit his lip. "Okay, go!"
The car turned into the lane...
And almost instantly, they heard the whooping sound of a police car behind them.
Gakupo sighed. "Okay, stop for the cops-"
"They're onto us!" shouted the driver, and floored the pedal.
"WHA-WHA-WHAAAAAAAAA!" Gakupo screamed, as the car shot forward.
How did I end up in a POLICE CHASE? he wondered.
The whooping continued behind them.
"Stop!" he shouted, but the driver ignored him.
"Can't shake 'em!" the driver shouted.
Gakupo felt sick, and then the driver turned so sharply that he slammed into the car door.
The police cars whizzed past.
"Get out, I'll lead them away from you!" said the driver. Gakupo stepped out.
"I-I'm sorry..." he said. "If there's anything I can do-!"
"Nah!" said the driver. "Psht, this is the most fun I've had in AGES! The restaurant isn't far, walk the rest of the way. Ta-ta!"
He sped off.
Gakupo shivered, cold. He started walking.
About an hour later, and many misfortunes later as well, he saw the merciful sign flashing up ahead.
"Hiko's grill! FINALLY!" said Gakupo. He rushed in.
"Hi!" he said to the woman at the front desk.
"Hello." said the woman. "What can I help you with?"
"Uh, I want to make a reservation please! Two people, for tonight."
The woman looked at him as if he had cheese growing out of his scalp.
"What?" said Gakupo. "What is it?"
"Ahem..." said the woman. "Miss, this-"
"Sir." Gakupo grumbled. "I'm a MAN."
"Sir," said the woman, "this is Hiko's grill. We don't have another reservation open for months. So unless something opens up right now, you're going to have to leave.
"No... please?" Gakupo begged. "I have a little extra cash, if ya know what I mean..."
"Bribes aren't taken here, sir." said the woman sternly.
"Drat." said Gakupo. "Can I wait until there's an opening?"
The woman nodded, and Gakupo sat down.
Hm... he thought. What if I... MAKE there be an opening?
He walked up to a table with a grumpy old man sitting there.
"Um... hey, mister?" he said.
The old man grunted at him, looking up and snorting.
"Uh... if I pay you, will you leave?" said Gakupo.
The old man laughed and shook his head.
"Trying to bribe old guys, eh?" he heard. Gakupo turned.
There, standing in the midst of all the Vocaloids, was Luka.
"L-l-luka...?" Gakupo stuttered.
"Thought you'd never get here." Luka muttered.
"Honestly, how long does it TAKE?" Miku said disapprovingly, shaking her head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk."
Gakupo's left eye twitched.
"What's... going on... here...?" he said, dazed. Luka pulled him over to a large private table in the corner.
Everyone sat down. Some cheered, some whooped.
"What?" said Gakupo, staring straight ahead blankly into the distance.
"Oh, Gakupo!" Luka laughed. "You really are slow, aren't you? Do you know what day it is?"
Gakupo thought it over for a second.
"Wait a minute." he said. "It's... it's...!
"Happy birthday, Gakupo!" cheered the Kagamine twins. "No, I said it first!"
"Wait, Luka." he said. "If it was my birthday and not yours... then why...?"
"Oh, I knew you'd be to lazy to come here if I just said it was your birthday." said Luka, smirking. "So I just made you think it was MINE!"
Everyone stared at Gakupo, giggling.
"How can you forget your own BIRTHDAY?" said Ann. "Honestly!"
Gakupo did a faceplant right into the frilly tablecloth.
Luka patted his head.
"Do you want some chicken?" she asked.
"Yes, please." he mumbled. "After all, I think I deserve it now."
"Oh, cheer up, it's your birthday!" said Luka, lifting his head up. "Open wide!"
"Aaaah..." said Gakupo, opening his mouth, and Luka put a forkful of chicken into it.