Narcissa and the Cable Guy

(A/N: Obviously this is AU. Roll with it, have fun.)

July 1975, somewhere in Tennessee, USA

Narcissa Black, her long blond hair drawn into a tight ponytail, stood on the porch of the ramshackle house, brushing a mist of sweat from her brow. Not that she ever sweat, mind you; only lowlifes sweat. She glistened…or perspired…or more likely, the heavy humidity had condensed on her. That was it: she was a condensation magnet.

A slight gust of air tickled the tips of the trees. The trees were so tall here, and so many of them…and the hills…she had to admit the place was beautiful, albeit hot and sticky. And at least no one from England would think to look for them here; they'd be safe from the wizarding war gaining steam across the pond. Ugh, did she have to think 'steam'? It only made her more aware of how uncomfortable she was.

As she watched, a filthy pickup truck whose red color was so plastered with road dust and mud as to appear grey turned into the lengthy, dirt driveway. At last, succor was on its way, and end to the boredom of the three-channel telly system!

"They're here!" she squealed excitedly into the house, and let the screen door bang loudly when she let go.

She minced down the steps, as much to avoid rotten planks as from force of habit—a Black woman must always look and behave like a lady. Four men tumbled out of the truck, the eldest a pot-bellied fellow with a baseball cap portraying what she assumed to be the local sports team. He approached her, spit out the toothpick in his teeth, and extended a hand.

"Howdy-do, miss. I'm Abe, and them there's Roddy, Stan, and Rusty." He gestured at the young men, the first two with ill-cut dark brown hair who resembled each other enough to be brothers, and the third a mere teenager whose greasy black locks hung in uneven clumps to his shoulders. All of them wore baggy t-shirts and oversized jeans that, were it not for their belts, would have fallen off their frames.

At the moment, only Roddy seemed to be paying attention to the young lady. He grinned and winked at her, earning him a scathing glare from Abe. The other two were busy arguing over who should carry the large, bulky, evidently heavy metal toolbox. In a disgruntled fit, Rusty dropped the box, which landed heavily on Stan's foot. The latter howled and hopped away shrieking obscenities at the youth.

Without warning Abe spun round and bellowed, "I'm fixin' to skin all y'all in a minute here!"

"Sorry," Rusty mumbled, looking mightily proud of himself despite his act of contrition.

"He done broke my foot!" Stan snarled, taking a swipe at the younger boy.

"I'm like to break more'n that," Abe warned them through clenched teeth. He gestured at the truck. "Git them shovels out the truck and wait over yonder." The young men grudgingly obliged, just as a couple of dark haired lads tromped out of the house and came to stand beside Narcissa. "Them your brothers?"

"Forgive my manners," Narcissa said. She patted the younger boy's head as she spoke. "I'm Narcissa Black, but you already knew that. These are my cousins. This is Reg, and he's Sirius." She touched the older boy's head.

Abe nodded at the fourteen-year-old Reg, then eyed Sirius. "Yep, he's a solemn one alright."

"I'm Sirius," Sirius repeated forcefully, looking annoyed.

"Didn't I just say so?" Abe retorted, shaking his head. Kids! Funny accent, too. "Miss, we're gonna haf to dig up a trench for that cable ya ordered. Any place in p'ticular ya want it?"

"Whatever you think best," Narcissa answered.

The sound of another truck arriving drew her attention from Abe. She stared like a statue, frozen in place, unable to take her eyes off the tall, handsome blond man climbing from the vehicle and smiling at her from across the lawn. Unlike the others, his long hair looked pristine and clean, and was pulled into a bunch at the nape of his neck. His jeans appeared to have been ironed and fit him like a snug glove, which showed off his rear attributes nicely.

"Mighty white o'ya to join us, son," Abe snapped at him.

"Sorry, pa, I had to….uh…" he drifted off, not even bothering to try to make an excuse. He walked up to Narcissa and held out his hand. "I'm Luke. Pleasure to meet you."

"I'm Narcissa," she responded, and barely stifled a giggle when he lifted her hand to his lips and placed a delicate kiss.

Abe's glance bounced between the woman and the man. Luke sure did make an impression on the ladies! "This is my boy. He's a looker, ain't he?"

"Well, I—I suppose so," Narcissa stammered, feigning nonchalance as she hastily drew her hand away and shoved it behind her back.

"You fancy him, Cissy?" Sirius asked. In his mind he was already piecing together ways to torment his cousin over it.

"Shut up," she mumbled. If they hadn't had company, she'd have kicked him in the shin. "I'll let you men get to work. Sirius, go in the house."

"Don't want to." He smiled wickedly as the cable men crossed over the yard to where the others were waiting. "Cissy and muggle, sitting in a tree…"

"Leave me alone, you troll!" she hissed.

The screen door burst open again and Bella sauntered out, half-lidded eyes taking in the scene. The sight of her sent Sirius and Reg scurrying into the house. "Muggles, you say? Maybe we ought to have a spot of fun."

"Don't you dare, Bella," Narcissa warned. "If your wand comes out, I'm telling mother."

Bella rolled her eyes, but she notably didn't reach for her wand. She pointed at the brothers, who'd taken off their shirts and were shoveling the earth, their muscles rippling. "Now that is worth watching." She plopped herself on the porch rail, one foot pulled up, and stared unabashedly at Roddy's stocky, muscled build. Roddy, who glanced the women's way every now and again, caught sight of her and smiled, then threw her an air kiss.

"Somebody thinks you're cute," Narcissa teased.

"He's an obvious flirt," Bella responded dryly. "And a muggle. Need I remind you?"

They quieted as Luke walked by them carrying a length of cable from the truck and bent down to begin setting it in the trench, his father beside him, pants slung low over his bum, exposing his butt crack. "I like that yella haired one, pa. She's right purty."

"Sure is," agreed the elder man. "Too bad she ain't our kind. And don't be getting' no ideas in that head o'yours."

"I might could make it work," insisted the younger.

"And I might could smack the devil outta your thick head," growled his father. "Git to work."

Rusty and Stan had commenced to arguing once more, a quarrel that was solved rapidly and decisively by Roddy punching his brother in the chest and threatening the same to the teen. Bella purred deep in her throat in appreciation of the gratuitous violence.

"See, he even acts like you! He's handsome, in his way…haircut and clothing discounted," said Narcissa.

"And a muggle!" Bella shrilled, making all the men in the yard look their way. She merely glared back at them, daring them to say a word.

Abe hesitated as if wondering whether he ought to proceed, then made his way back to the porch. "Excuse me. Did I hear you say 'muggle'?"

"Er…well it's a…British term that means…um…" Narcissa hedged.

"You're witches!" Abe exclaimed.

"What of it?" demanded Bella, her wand appearing between her fingers.

"Thank God!" Abe continued, removing a wand from his own pocket. The other men, seeing him, threw down their shovels and drew their wands. "Now we can git some work done proper like." In a few swift strokes of wands the trench was dug; one grand swirl of his wand sent the cable into the trench, where the earth automatically buried it.

Luke made a wide circle around his father to end up at the porch, where he leaned casually and crooned, "Looks like you ain't so different after all. I like to had a heart attack when I heard you was witches. So, Miss Narcissa, when we're done here, might I interest you in a fine church weddin'?"

Narcissa gaped at him. Was he actually proposing what she thought he was? At last she sputtered, "That's moving rather quickly, don't you think?"

"I know what I like," Luke said with a shrug. He peered at her with delectable grey eyes and an adorable smirk. "I'm willin' to take it slow, miss—long as it's with you."

Bella shoved her in the arm. "For Merlin's sake, Cissy, say something. Tell him to piss off…after he introduces me to that hunk over there." She eyed Roddy suggestively.

"Introduce yourself," Narcissa replied, turning away from her sister. "As for you, Luke, I wouldn't mind taking a walk along the river tonight, if you're not busy."

"Never too busy for my wife-to-be," said Luke, smiling.

And that, my dear readers, is the story of how Narcissa and the cable guy came to be. The End.