a/n decided to update a second chapter to this story sorry it took so long just been busy then i forgot about this fic anyway ive decided to carry this fic on longer and im thinking about changing the summary but i suck at summaries so if anyone has any good suggestions please tell me love you forever

cordelia woke up at was three weeks after the incident with angel and the gun and a week ago they had found a cure for angels whole perfect happiness curse so it was now permeneant. wesley was avoiding her as much as possible being that she still hated his was attending therapy sesions that her doctor had recomended after seeing cordelia was distressed almost killing yourself is not something you can just brush off .

when she woke up the bed was empty but she exxpected that angel was an early riser and had discovered it dangourous to wake cordelia epcially if one it was early and two your increadably cheerfull in the morning. she just laid their remembering the previous night at the prison


Cordelias pov

when i came down the stairs fred and angel were in hushed wispers when he saw me his face lit up and he went and kissed me


"hey i love you"

"love you too" I couldnt help smiling at him i always did whenever he told me he loved me it just made me so happy to hear thoose words.

"what's up"


"somethings on your mind spill" he knows me so well he knows whan i want to tell him something but dont know how.

"im going to go see faith"

"cool i'll come with" I wish he would stop smiling at me like that it makes me want to tell him i do want him to come in fact beg him to come with me. But i know that cant happen

"no i have to go alone"

"alone? but you've never done that before"I hate seeing the pain and dissapointment on his face i pray he understands but i know he might not.I do want him to come but he cant i hate him looking at me like that like i dont want to spend time with hiom i do i want to spend all day everyday with him and i know i cant i hate that i want that but god help me im love sick i love that lunkhead so much.

"i know thats why i need to"

"cordy i dunno"

"i promise not to be too long or drive off any bridges"It hurts he dosnt trust me but i know he dosnt i dont blame him after what happpened three weeks ago/

"fine just dont be too long"

"i promise" she smiled she didnt want to be mad at him she knew why he didnt really want her out alone she still wasnt completly stable there was a way to go before she would get there.


"what? i said i promise" i know what he means but i act cluless.

"yeah but you don't mean it"

"angel i promise not to be too long i mean it" i tried to act as serioius as i could i hate this that what happened three weeks ago effects both of us this much i hate it i hate wesley for causing it.

"ok thats better and if you are too long you will be in trouble"

"what you gunna do vamp boy? bite me?" Im trying to lighten the mood joking with him i flash him that smile that tells him im just grins back.

"mabe" she kissed him and ran to her car/

at the prison

she sat in the seat and picked up the phone


"cor? your alone?" she looked shocked but we both smilled at eachother i just shrugged.


"never thought i would see that especially as i thought angel had the inability to leave you side also because your always hiding behind all your freinds" When she said that it hurt was it her fault her freinds thought she was gunna try blow her brains out again? well i guess it was because i did it in the first place but thats not the point she snapped it wasnt her relized she had been silent for a while.

"faith i don't hide behind them they are just very overprotective"

"oh okay cool"

"so more to the point i love you oh boy that came out wrong what i mean is were family in our mixed up way and tommorow me and angel are gunna pick you up and bring you back to the hotel because we all love you i don't hate you i just wanted you to know that"

"i love you too cor"

"I think you should know why my freinds are overprotective." I didnt know why i felt the need to tell her i just did i just i guess i didnt want her to find out from someone else and it helped to talk about it didnt eat you alive that way.

"Why are they? i never thought to ask" She looked genuinly concerned and intrested.

"Three weeks ago I tried to kill myself. i had a gun to my head ready to do it but Angel saved me."

"Shit why?"

"Angel broke up with me." I felt stupid i wasnt explaining this right i Knew that as iu heard the words come out my mouth.

"Bit extreme."

"I know I guess i wasnt in the best place Angel left me because of wesley then actually like 10 minutes or so after angel dumped me i still havnt forgiven him i just love Angel with everything i am i did then too i mean we were dating a year and a half when he dumped me." As much as i need to talk about it thinking about it still hurt.

"And how are you now."

"Well i acted like i was completly fine but Angel knew i wasnt he took me to the doctors unsure of what he could do i was distant and still a bit crazy i still had the issues that drove me to it even if i had Angel well the doctor recomended this therapist we could get it on health insurance as it was a severe case well i have been seein gthis therapist ever since i still have a way to go but i dont think i will try kill myself again but im on pills for depression."

"Yeah well knowing you you probly had deppresion before all this kicked off but didnt do nothing about it thats how all this esculated." we both laughed there was so much truth in that statement.

"yeah anyway i should go you know how angel gets so see you tommorow?"

"yeah me might kick my ass tommorow"

"yeah he might just do that after sundown"

"yeah hes very protective especially over you bye" and she left when she arrived at the hotel wes was in angels office probley keeping out of her way but fred was in the lobby

"hey fred weres angel"

"his room"

"okay ill just say night to him then im off home"

"okay" she opened angels door he was still on the bed the lights were out but she knew he wasn't asleep he was waiting for her to come back she slid next to him and wrapped her arms round his waist and kissed his neck he turned round

"hey baby"


"your back"

"hey i so was not long"

"i know you know i wasn't really gunna punnish you are you afraid of me?" she saw she fear and hurt in his eyes

"no baby its just" she stroked his cheek gently "you know i hate it when you worry about me"

"ino but i can't help it"

"i know i love you" she kissed him

"i love you too"

"i better get going home"

"no" he put a tighter grip around her "your staying here tonight"

"and who am i to argue" he started to kis her all the way down her body

**end of flash back**

I slipped on angels sweatpants and shirt their would be time for getting dressed later i walked down the stairs and saw angel talking to wesley i saw red and lost it


"cor whats up?" He looked worried that only angered me further.



"NO ANGEL WE HATE HIM HE RUINED OUR LIVES HE..HE..HE" angel put his arms round me and brung her close to him

"shhh cor it's okay" i pulled out of his arms and ran to his roomi was so Angry i wasnt really sure why i just lost it.

i was on his bed tears down my face i dont know why im so god damn so emotional or angry or anything and it scared me i heard a soft knock at the door knowing it wold be him.


"wesley go away you have no right to come up here" His nerve i couldnt belive he would actually come up here and talk to me.


"i mean it wesley GO" i heard him walk away and i buried my head in the pillow a little while later she heard another nock "wesley i mean it leave me alone" She was starting to get tired of this.

"it's me" it was angel she smiled


"can i come in?"

"it'a your room" He was so dense at times but she loved him for it.

"are you still mad?"

"no i was never mad at you angel" he opened the door and thats when he saw the tears he was on the bed with me imediatly holding me

"cor whats wrong?"

"i dunno angel im scared im getting so amotional angry crying and i just don't know like you talking to wesley got me so angry yeah sure i hate his guts but i just lost it down their"

"i know baby i know you've been through a tough time and a bumpy road but it will be okay because you will always have me"

"and you will always have me"

"why did you think i was wesley"

"because he was here"

"what? why?" Angel looked about ready to knock Wesley out for trina come after his girl.

"don't know don't care didn't let him get that far i think he got as far as cordelia before i screamed at him to leave me alone"

"he came in?"

"no he knoked on the door he may be stupid but not that stupid"

"why's he stupid"

"trying to break us up"

"damn straight" he was so cute when he tried to talk like gunn

"you hang round way to much with gunn"

"i love you"

"i love you too" she checked the clock "shit i better shower and get dressed"

"you gunna be okay?"

"yeah thanx but i feel much better now" she leaned over and kissed him then quickly got dressed when she returned she was dressed in a black leather skirt that came just above her knee and a tanktop "how do i look"


"thank you baby"

"Cor dont stake me but i think you should mention what happened downstairs to your therapist."

"What? Why?"

"Cor im worried about you and you damn well know that im sorry baby you have made good progress i dont want you to back peddal."

"Okay ill tell her im seeing her today"

"Thank you baby."

"I better go or ill be late ill see you later remember we are picking faith up at sunset."

"I love you be safe want me to drive you?"

"If you want?" She couldnt tell him no she wanted to but knew he was worried and just wanted to protect her so she couldnt tell him no she couldnt be mad because he cared about her and that would hurt him and she didnt want to cause him pain.

"Yeah come on." He took her hand and took her into the lobby. "Hey fred."

Angels pov

"Hey fred."

"Shit cor can you go get my keys their in my jacket pocket."

"Sure." She kissed him then dissapeared upstairs.

"Angel I heard about this morning."

"Oh what with cordelia screaming at me and wesley for talking we wernt talking on freindly bases he was trying to beg for my forgivness and make me see reason he said he was wrong and he has a girlfreind also wanted me to make cordelia see reason. well cordelia thought i was being freindly she freaked im worried fred i dont want her to go back what happened that night we dont talk about what happened i just i feel responsible and if she back pedals it means i am resposible again."

"Angel if anyones responsible its wes and yes we are all still freinds with him but we value cordelia and your frenships and cordelia health over his freinship."

"Thank you fred." He waited a little while longer and cordelia appeared with his keys in hand.

"Thank you babe now lets get going."

"Fred we are going to the pysciatrist we wont be too long."

"Okay bye."

"bye," When we arrived i sat in waiting room cordelia name was called she dissapeared into the office. Angel sat waiting them he heard someone say his name



a/n there you go there it is will buffy be good for there relationship or will she try to drive a wedge between Angel and cordelia. please please review i hope to but the next chapter up soon