Title: In Which Kurt Hummel Discovers Livejournal
Genre: General, attempt at humor
Spoilers: KURT'S GAY! Whoops, sorry about that…
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee and I don't make enough money to be worth suing
Summary: Title pretty much says it all
Word Count: 1,620
In Which Kurt Hummel Discovers Livejournal
Everybody knows Kurt's gay. What they tend to forget is that beneath Kurt's layers of cashmere and moisturizer and hair spray, Kurt's still a guy. Just because he's the most effeminate guy in McKinley doesn't mean he isn't interested in things like sex.
Quite the contrary, Kurt would say he was as interested in sex as the next guy. Well, maybe not as much as Puck because he has some self-respect, but at least as much as Finn. Kurt thinks about sex a lot.
That said, Kurt never really understood the appeal of adult films. Maybe straight porn was different, but gay porn could be just nasty. The first and only time Kurt had worked up the courage to Google it had resulted in a truly terrifying 38 seconds of stuff that managed to completely kill his erection before he was able to close the window.
So Kurt was perfectly happy to just work with his muscle mags that April Rhodes had so generously bestowed upon him. But after awhile even that didn't provide quite the spark it used to. The men on the page are gorgeous to be sure, but there was no substance to them.
Kurt didn't want to add anymore clichés of him being a girl to his already impressive resume, but he doesn't think it's too much to ask for a little romance. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. It's not like there were any movies of the rakish doctor sweeping the waiter instead of the waitress off their feet. And in all the fairy tales, Prince Charming never showed any interest in the stable boy.
At least that's what Kurt thought until the day he was wondering randomly through the aisles of the Lima Public Library and came across the biggest book on fashion that he'd ever seen. He pulled it off the shelf; just to see what was in it, and nearly dropped it the book was so heavy. It looked like it had come out in the 80s' if the hairstyles of the models were anything to go on, so it really didn't provide any valuable insight, but it was kind of interesting and Kurt spent a few minutes flipping through the pages, chuckling at the Lycra and leggings.
After he'd gotten his laughs in, Kurt moved to put the book back, but stopped when he noticed another book that had been shoved back there. Puzzled, but not really surprised that a book could be lost in the rarely touched shelves of the library, Kurt pulled it out to put it back in its proper place. It must have been back there for quite some time because it had a thick layer of dust and when Kurt brushed it off the title caught his eye.
Fairy Tales: Traditional Stories Retold for the Gay Man
Kurt's mouth dropped open, barely believing that not only did a book like this exist, but that it was in the Lima Public Library. Kurt glanced over his shoulder as though one of the librarians might come bearing down on him to take the book away. When no one appeared in the aisle with him, Kurt tucked the book under his arm and hastened to the front of the library. He'd never been so happy that there was a self-checkout machine as he was then. He quickly scanned the book and printed out the due date slip, thrilled that he didn't have to squirm under the weighty gaze of the head librarian if she'd checked that book out for him.
Kurt couldn't even make it back to his house before indulging in his discovery. As soon as he got in his beloved Navigator he turned on the heat and flipped open the book. Sure enough, the title hadn't lead him astray and there was story after story with two male leads. In the end, Kurt had to force himself to close the book and drive home where he headed straight his bedroom and threw himself down on his bed to read the book cover to cover.
When he finished, Kurt rolled over and just lay there, absorbing everything he'd just read. It hadn't been particularly shocking in regards to sexual acts; it had been pretty tame actually, but the simple insertion of masculine pronouns when the norm of society requested a feminine had still blown Kurt's mind.
After a few minutes, Kurt grabbed his laptop and opened it to his Google homepage. If there was anything else like this to be found, he would use his superb internet searching skills would find it. He started off simple, working off what he knew and looking for gay themed fairy tales. He was surprised by how much he came up with and he mentally kicked himself for not thinking of this before.
He found several other books on a similar subject and a couple that seemed like they were more explicit. Then he stumbled upon a story that seemed to be already posted online. He felt a little guilty reading a story that had probably been illegally leaked onto the internet, but in the end his curiosity won out.
The story was Beauty and the Beast, but with a very big twist. The main characters were named John and Rodney and seemed to take place in turn of the century Europe, but with an element of sci-fi. The actual story was beyond amazing, even better than the book Kurt had just read and Kurt couldn't take his eyes away until he's scrolled all the way down to the bottom of the page and the story had ended.
Kurt leant back with a contented sigh, scrubbing at his eyes that are tired from looking at a computer screen for so long. He couldn't remember the last time he read something so well written, and the fact that it had featured gay characters, and some pretty hot gay sex, had made it even better.
Kurt pulled himself back to the screen to see if he could find the author's name and, hopefully some other stuff that they'd written, when he saw a section to leave a comment for the author that he hadn't noticed before. Kurt typed what he thought in the box and submitted it. He the scrolled back up to the top and found the author's name was Jane Elliot. It was hyperlinked and took Kurt to what must have been her webpage.
This was how Kurt discovered Livejournal and there was no turning back.
Before long, Kurt found himself wading into the vast, deep waters that were fan fiction. It was like finding a whole other world and there was so much to see and find. He found that the John and Rodney he read about were actually characters from some sci-fi TV show and thanks to the creative minds of fan writers and artists; they could be thrown into all sorts of situations.
They weren't all as well written as the first one he'd read and most of them were much shorter, but they all had something sweet or funny or heartbreaking that endeared him to it. There were some that were pure porn of every kink imaginable that made Kurt blush and squirm with embarrassment at what he was reading, though it never stopped him from reading to the end.
There was one where John was a bartender, but then he was a stripper, but then he was Rodney's TA and Kurt was laughing out loud that the antics of the two, but then John was a fighter pilot and he was being shot down and Kurt found himself crying right along with Rodney.
Then there was one that was completely hysterical about an alien village that thought Rodney could get pregnant and thought John was doing him a disservice by not providing enough fertile seed. Kurt found a recording of that story, called a podfic, and he downloaded it onto his iPod to listen to while he was working around the house and suddenly laundry didn't seem like such a chore.
As an experiment, Kurt tried to find out if there really weren't any limits to fanfiction and looked for a story really about male pregnancy. Sure enough, he found them. A lot of them were insane crack, but heartfelt and touching. In one John became impregnated with an Ancient machine and as Kurt read about John coming under attack and curling around his belly to protect the baby and Kurt touched his own stomach, wondering what that would really be like.
There are other stories that make Kurt stop and think too, like the one where John is 'cured' of his gayness by an alien priest and John finds himself no longer attracted to Rodney. At first, John thinks it's wonderful to be straight and normal, but in the end, he realizes that he still loves Rodney and tries to keep the relationship going, even without the sexual attraction. Kurt thought about his own boyfriend's deep voice and sweet brown eyes and wondered if he would be able to do the same thing if he was put in that situation. He liked to think he would.
And then there are some stories that are just fluff and those are probably Kurt's favorite kinds. His favorite is the one where John is a farmer in Iowa and Rodney is his usual snarky self, but they find love among the corn fields under the star filled sky. There's even some really adorable chibi art that make Kurt wish he had something vaguely resembling artistic talent.
And when Kurt needed to deal with his guy needs, well, that's what PWPs were for.
A/N: This story's been rolling around in my head for awhile now and this challenge seemed like the perfect opportunity to make myself sit down and write it. The fandom Kurt finds himself in is McShep of Stargate: Atlantis fame. If anyone's interested, the stories in order of appearance are Unconventional Beauty, Bell Curve, or Ladies Night at the Boom Boom Room, Post-Nuptial, Surrogate, Straight as a Circle, A Farm in Iowa, and the art is McShep Chibi Comic. They're all amazing and I highly recommend them. They're either AU or extremely AR, so you can read them even if you aren't familiar with the SGA fandom. Also, I left Kurt's boyfriend's description vague on purpose. Pretty much every guy on Glee (except Kurt) has brown eyes, so you can make him whoever you want =)