A/N: This is an M rated missing moment from Come Back To Me. It falls in the epilogue in between when they leave the marathon and the . . .
Big thanks to BellaMadonna, Roselover2, and Babette12 who all helped out with this one. Hope you enjoy a little peek at their "first" time, post-baby. I'd love to hear your thoughts! P.S. A Luc Outtake is in the works, but not finished yet, so keep an eye out for that one!
Come Back To Me
Outtake : 65 days
Yes. He'd been counting. Of course they'd managed to share a few moments of intimacy, weeks after Luc was born, but nothing substantial. Doctor Cullen understood all of the physiological consequences of Bella's diagnosis with previa and the resulting increta. He could mentally comprehend that the hysterectomy would have a far reaching emotional impact on his sweetheart. But the husband in him missed his wife.
It was extremely hard for him to watch her struggle with the depression and feelings of loss that seemed to have settled over them like a thick, wet blanket. But he understood it. He did his best to temper his medical alter-ego and just be the husband she needed, supporting her and showing her how much he cared. On paper he did the job perfectly in the wake of a traumatic birth and devastating surgery. He was doting, accommodating, attentive, and showed the utmost restraint. Even still, he burned for her.
On the walk from the family meeting area at the Boston Marathon to the parking garage, the offer to have some private time seemed to have come out of nowhere. He hadn't truly planned on propositioning his wife, so he was a little surprised when he made the suggestion that his parents take Luc for the afternoon. He was even more surprised when her playful responses back indicated that she might be considering his suggestion.
Luc squirmed and fussed in the car on the ride back to the hotel. Bella had her arms folded tightly over her chest. It amazed the scientist in him to see how directly the crying of his infant child affected the automatic response of his wife's breasts. Sure enough, once they'd retired to their hotel room and Bella uncrossed her arms, two obvious wet spots had darkened her shirt.
"Ugh. I'll be glad when my boobs calm down. This whole leaking thing is getting kind of ridiculous," she grumbled as she changed Luc's diaper and got herself in position to feed him.
"I think it's amazing. So, your shirts get wet. You're providing the one thing to our child that I never could." He walked over and handed her a burp cloth and watched in wonder as the fussy infant immediately calmed and suckled with noisy and greedy contentment.
"Hey, male lactation isn't unheard of; never say never. I might decide to put you to a breast pump and trade off with you," she teased.
"Ha ha. I'm not built for it. You are perfect. Exactly what he wants and needs." While he was speaking in the first sense of their son Luc, one could also take his words to mean that she was exactly what he needed. "I'm gonna give Mom and Dad a call."
A few moments later a grinning Edward returned and started folding up the port-a-crib.
"I take it they agreed to keep him for a while?"
"Okay. I already switched sides, so he should be finished in about ten."
Meticulously, Edward packed the diaper bag with an extra outfit, several diapers, wipes, and Luc's favorite toy. He tried not to seem overanxious as he waited for Bella to burp the baby. He really tried, but his bouncing knee and his hopeful expression pretty much screamed I'm finally gonna get some action.
A hearty belch, a few murmured goodbyes later, and he was alone with his wife at last.
Bella stood in the middle of the hotel room and wrung her hands together. The atmosphere was charged with tension and hope so thick it was awkward and oppressive.
"Why is this so weird? It's like it's our first time again," she whispered.
"Uh, let's hope it's not exactly like our first time. That was..."
"Embarrassing?" she finished for him with a wry smile.
"Yeah. Come here. It's just you and me. Nothing has changed," he murmured and wrapped his arms around her.
"But that's just it. Everything has changed. What if it feels different? Like bad different?" Her eyebrows pinched together and her lips turned down.
He'd read up on post-surgical sexual expectations for women and men alike and the biggest thing he learned was that everyone's experiences were different. How could he help her to see that no matter how things had changed anatomically, they really hadn't changed at all?
"Hon, I just want to make love to you," he whispered, trailing his nose along her jaw. "I need to show you with my body how much you mean to me. All these physical changes just show how selfless and caring you are. They make me want you more, not less." He hugged her tightly to his chest as he ran his hands up and down her back and tried to instill calm in both of them.
"I'm just nervous. And you still really stink," she said, her nose wrinkling as she started backing into the bathroom.
"Then, how about you helping me wash that spot on my back?"
"I think I can do that," she said with a smile.
He stalked her into the bathroom and stripped his running clothes off one article at a time. There wasn't much to remove, though. He stepped around her and turned on the shower.
She had carefully avoided being completely naked in front of him for two months, taking pajamas into the bathroom and locking the door when getting ready for bed. It frustrated him that she didn't want him to see her. He was even more upset by how embarrassed she was of her body; her amazing, wonderful body that had miraculously managed to provide a place in which their son could grow and develop safely. It was his mission to show her exactly how much that body—how much she—truly meant to him.
Her eyes were closed and her breathing was shallow as he approached. "I know you're scared, but I want you to know that you are more beautiful to me now than you ever have been."
She scoffed at his statement, but he silenced her quickly by pressing his mouth to hers. Her muffled protest died as soon as the tip of his tongue stroked along the seam of her lips. When he nibbled and sucked her bottom lip completely in between his, she moaned. "The proof," he murmured against her mouth, "is right here between us, babe. If you didn't still turn me on, I wouldn't be in this . . . um, situation?"
"It's just. . . I'm lumpy," she sighed. "And I have this awful pooch that hangs over the incision scar, and my boobs leak all over the place, not to mention my uterus is gone, so who knows how weird that's gonna feel when we actually. . .you know. . .do something. I just don't feel like me. It's like aliens have taken over my body." Her voice rose in pitch and volume indicating how upset she was, which was the opposite of what Edward wanted.
"Okay. Here's the deal. I stink. I need a shower and I want to take one with you. So don't look in the mirror. Don't look at your body. Just keep your eyes on me. Okay?"
She gulped once and nodded. This was probably a lot harder for her than he could imagine. He was just grateful for the trust she put in him.
"Arms up," he whispered as if to a child. Obediently, she did as he said and closed her eyes as he lifted the T-shirt over her head. He unbuttoned her jeans and slid the zipper down slowly. As his hands ghosted back up to the waistband they paused at the wrinkled and scarred skin and glided gently over the prominent reddish-brown stretch marks. She stiffened as his fingers traced lightly over the scar just barely hidden by her white, utilitarian panties.
"Sorry, I didn't bring any cute underwear," she joked but was half serious, too.
"Shh. I'm enjoying the view right now." He crouched down and helped her remove the jeans from her feet and guide her panties down her legs. He didn't want to increase her anxiety and so skimmed back up to stand directly in front of her, covering all of her supposed imperfections. "Don't beat yourself up. Not out loud and not in your head, either. I love you too much."
She leaned back, eyes shining with the beginnings of tears, and said, "I love you, too."
Casually, he traced his fingers around the cups of her bra. He slipped a finger under one of the straps and lifted up which caused the clip to disengage. As the cup fell down and exposed her breast, he grinned. "I like these easy-access bras. We could play peek-a-boo with them when you're done nursing Luc."
She elbowed him and muttered "Dork" as she reached behind her back and unhooked the bra. He hoped she wasn't nervous about an unintended milk letdown since she'd just finished feeding the baby. If she didn't have to worry about that, then maybe she wouldn't be opposed to his handling her breasts a bit.
When she made to cross her arms, he laced his fingers together with hers and gently shook his head. "I know I'm a dork. And I know that technically they," he looked down to her breasts, "belong to Luc right now, but I'm a boob man. Please, let me touch you?" He really, really hoped that she'd agree. Her breasts were beautiful before, but absolutely amazing since she'd gotten pregnant.
"Edward. . ." she whined.
"Please? Just keep looking into my eyes." She nodded and took a deep breath.
He glanced hungrily at her beautiful breasts and visually appreciated the source of nourishment for their child. He'd thought about asking for a taste, but he pushed that thought away for another time. This wasn't the moment to allow curious Dr. Cullen to inquire about any such investigations. He looked into her eyes and grinned at the thought.
"What are you smiling about?"
"Another time," he said, his smile softening.
Hands slipped down her arms and thumbs brushed over the rounded curves on the outsides of her breasts. He cupped them and gently squeezed, enjoying the weight and suppleness of them in his hands.
Her nipples puckered as his thumbs brushed over them, but she hardly reacted. He quirked an eyebrow; she simply shrugged.
"They aren't nearly as sensitive as they used to be. I guess when you have a voracious little monster sucking on them eight times a day, decreased sensitivity is a welcomed blessing. But here," she brushed along the outer swell of her breast and down her ribcage, "is extremely sensitive."
He took note of the altered erogenous zones and leaned forward to kiss down her neck and shoulder. "Now, about that shower?" The air in the bathroom had grown steamy and thick. They stepped under the pulsing spray and lovingly washed and cared for one another. He was tender and hyper-aware of her reactions as he washed her. He hoped that all she saw in his responses was adoration and reverence. Never again would he be so careless with her feelings by taking her for granted.
They dried off and slipped under the covers of the bed. She rested her head on his shoulder and allowed her body to press against the length of his side. Exhaustion started to sink into his bones, but he wasn't done with the day. After a momentary doze, he woke and began tracing his fingers up and down her side.
She twisted and groaned at the tickling sensations and began exploring his chest with her free hand. Before long they were locked in a familiar kiss; one that was filled with experience and trust, love and devotion, and most of all, desire.
As he covered her collar bones and neck with kisses, she started jabbering about not being ready and maybe they shouldn't and she could just take care of him by other means. Edward silently reached into the bedside table and pulled out a small bottle of lubricant.
That shut Bella up quickly. And then she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Well, aren't we the boy scout? I thought you weren't planning this little seduction?"
"Always be prepared?" he questioned. She shook her head and rested back on the pillow, the momentum of the moment lost. "I wasn't planning this, babe. I was hopeful that maybe something might happen, so I brought it with us, just in case."
She turned to him, disbelief etched all over her face. He huffed and covered his eyes with his forearm, lying down next to her.
"Fine. I didn't want you to have any excuses to put me off anymore," he grumbled.
"You think I don't want to have sex with you?" she asked, her mouth hanging open in shock.
"I think you've been avoiding it, yes. Your appointment with Dr. Miller was over a week ago. We've had opportunities, but you keep shutting me down. Don't shut me out anymore, baby. Please. Let me love you."
After several moments of thought she held her hand out for the lube. He allowed her the privacy of applying it. They'd work on increasing her comfort level as they regained their familiarity with each other.
He touched her in all the right places; drew sounds from her that only he had ever heard. She wasn't passive either, caressing and grasping, pulling and urging. He loved her and she loved him right back, and when she fell apart, her climax rolling through her body in gentle waves, she smiled and kissed him softly.
"It didn't hurt, did it?"
"No. It was perfect. I…I think I'm ready now." She kissed his palm and tried to draw him over her body, but he shook his head.
"I should've let you have control when we were virgins. I had no idea what I was doing then, but I do now. You be on top and go at your own pace until you're comfortable."
He'd had a candid discussion with Dr. Miller after Bella's appointment. Because she'd had a total hysterectomy, they'd removed her cervix as well. Technically reducing the amount of space he had to work with. Dr. Miller had encouraged him to let Bella take the lead, since it would be impossible for him to know how much penetration was too much.
At that moment, though, he really didn't think it would matter anyway, since he was about as high strung as he was on their wedding night. He'd probably lose it in a matter of seconds.
Bella came astride him and leaned over to kiss his chest. He placed his hands gently over her hips and rubbed his thumbs in slow circles on her skin. He could feel her hand trembling as she lined him up with her opening.
"Try and relax, hon. If it hurts, just stop. Okay?" She nodded and proceeded to sink down onto him.
Her arms strained on his chest, supporting her weight from resting entirely on his pelvis. Her eyes were pinched closed and he would have to admit that he was sharply disappointed to see that her facial expression held none of the euphoria he was experiencing. The familiar warmth, wrapped tightly around him, was bittersweet. He'd wanted so much for her to enjoy their coupling as well.
After a minute, she settled into a shallow rhythm then opened her eyes. "I'm not going to come," she whispered. He nodded and focused his attention on the way her breasts bounced and swayed. He concentrated on how good it felt to be connected to her like this, and in another minute he was letting go, in a restrained, but poweful climax.
Before, she would have draped herself over his chest, allowing him to remain buried inside of her. But after he'd come to his end, she slid off of him almost instantly and cuddled up next to his side.
The silence stretched far too long before either of them had the courage to speak. "It was awful, wasn't it?" He could hear the waver in her voice and wanted to kick himself for allowing her enough time to think that she hadn't pleased him.
"It was perfect, sweetheart." He hugged her closer and tried to reassure her that everything was fine. "Did I hurt you? Was it painful?"
"No, you didn't hurt me, it was just uncomfortable. Was it weird for you? I mean, you don't go in quite as deeply as you used to. . ." Her voice trailed off into almost nothing.
"It's amazing to think that perfection will get better, but I promise you, it will. We'll just need to practice—A lot!"
"Yeah, but you love me."
"Yeah. I do."
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