Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

Inappropriate Language


"Hayate, over here!" Fate called, waving.

The Wolkenritter mistress spotted the quintet at the large restaurant table, and smiled and waved while heading over that way, most of her own entourage in tow. "Hey guys! It's been awhile, huh?"

Suzuka slid closer to Arisa in the large booth, leaving room for Hayate, Signum, and Shamal. Vita, Rein and Agito (the latter two in their large forms), took chairs. The time had come once again for their annual get-together on Earth, where they'd share a meal together in a nice restaurant, courtesy of Arisa and Suzuka.

"Vivio, honey, did you decide what you wanted yet?" Nanoha inquired towards her daughter sitting between her and Fate.

"Not yet!" she chirped back, more interested in happily coloring her kid's menu then in looking over the meal choices.

"I'm just glad almost everyone was able to make it," Fate added, then noticed some people was missing. "Where are Zafira and Arf? I thought she told me she would be arriving with him?"

"They said they'd be here," Shamal answered. "I got off the phone with them not long before we left and... wait, there they are!"

True to her word, the pair in adult human form had just entered, arm in arm, and were being shown to the table by a waitress. Fate sighed in relief that Arf had remembered to keep her ears and tail hidden; her familiar had a bad habit of letting them pop out whenever she was distracted, and Arf had been distracted for quite awhile now.

Zafira offered a short bow upon arriving at the table. "I apologize for being late."

"It was my fault, as I said I'd wait for the sitter so Chrono and Amy could have their own special night out," Arf explained with a sigh.

"I remember, our annual meetup tonight happened to fall on their anniversary," Nanoha noted. "I suppose it couldn't be helped. It's tough finding a time to meet all our schedules. Yuuno-kun couldn't make it tonight, either."

"I'll be right back, I just need to freshen up," Arf stated, avoiding sitting down.. "Order for me if everyone else is ready before I get back."

He nodded and sat down, ignoring the smirking looks he was being given, opting instead to focus on the menu that the waitress had just provided.

"Hey, why did I get this?" Vita groused, frowning while holding up the offending item.

"That's our super special kid's menu, for special little girls like you and your friends!" the waitress gushed, patting the increasingly agitated girl's head.

Hayate coughed politely, but more to hide the emerging giggle than anything else. "Um, thanks for that, but she's a big eater, so could we could get an adult menu for her, please?"

The waitress appeared a bit confused, but nodded, and then excused herself. The table dissolved into a round of giggles as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Suzuka, I will watch her, as I do not want to strain your bank account due to how much she consumes," Signum teased with a small smile.

"You don't have to tell me," the purple-haired girl stated, getting in on the fun. "I took out a home equity loan on our mansion just in case, though, in preparation for tonight."

"Knock it off, I told you I'm a growing girl," Vita grumbled, then decided to deflect the conversation to someone else. "So, Zafira, how long have you two been together again?"

The guardian beast figured this was coming, and so tried to appear calm and nonchalant as he studied the menu. "It has been about a month, since the bitch and I have been together."

The table immediately went deathly silent.

"I'm not sure I heard you correctly," Fate stated carefully.

Zafira looked up and blinked. "What? I said my bitch and I have been together for about a month."

Arisa snickered, but Suzuka blinked and stared. "You call her your..."

"Bitch, yes," Zafira stated, looking more and more confused. "Is it too soon for that? I admit us getting together was a bit sudden, but it was her that made the first move, so I had no choice but to make her my bitch."

"Zafira..." Hayate warned.

By now, the entire restaurant had become much quieter, and stares were being directed at the corner booth table. Fate tried to cover Vivio's ears, but it was too late.

"Nanoha-mama, what's a bitch?" the little girl questioned with pure curiosity.

"I'll, uh, try to explain later," Nanoha deferred with a sigh.

"So, um, I take it everything is going okay, then?" Suzuka tactfully asked, trying to alter the course of the conversation.

"For the most part, but I do admit it can be difficult sometimes," Zafira admitted. "Particularly when the bitch is in heat."

Suzuka sweatdropped while Arisa slapped hands over her mouth, trying desperately not to dissolve into full-blown laughter. However, a few giggles did manage to escape. Shamal sighed and Signum focused on the menu; this wasn't her problem to deal with.

"You are an incredibly rude young man," a mature women from the next table snobbishly informed him. "I do hope your woman realizes what kind of man you really are and leaves you for someone better."

"I believe is up to me and my bitch," Zafira pointedly informed her.

Hayate finally decided enough was enough and stood. "Zafira. Outside. Now."

Stares accompanied the young woman pulling the larger man out of the restaurant by his ear, while Arisa could no longer contain herself and doubled over, pounding the table in laughter. The other members of the party sighed or otherwise tried to hide themselves, while Arf finally returned and asked what was going on.

"Oh, your boyfriend got himself into a bit of trouble," Shamal answered. "So Hayate had to take him outside lest he embarrass us further."

Arf frowned and glanced out the window. "Figures, that dumb bastard. I suppose I'll have to bitch at him later."


Author's notes:

Yes, it was a pointless excuse for childish humor. But sometimes, I just gotta write it so it goes away and I can focus on something else! Partly inspired by the fantasy book series "Apprentice Adept" where a werewolve would refer to his mate as a bitch, and it was a term of endearment, heh. Good fantasy book series, by the way, if you're interested. Mixes hi-tech and magic fantasy in an interesting way.


Bonus Ending:

"So, do you understand now, why you can't say that in public?" Hayate was saying to her guardian beast in the parking lot.

Zafira sighed. "Yes, I understand. I'll never understand humans."

Hayate nodded, satisfied, and turned to head back in. "Good, let's go."

"Um, just one more question," Zafira said, scratching his head as his mistress paused hesitantly. "Can I at least do something about that other rude bitch?"

Hayate fell over.