An Academy Mishap
A/N: Ok guys, this is something I had floating around in my noggin that I found humorous. I mentioned the idea to a fellow writer and he agreed to help to put it to paper…errr computer is more like it I guess. Anyways this is just a collaboration one-shot between me and LankyNathan. I hope you find this humorous and like it.
I do not own Naruto, or any of its characters.
It was a normal day in Konoha. The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, leaves were falling, and all the merchants and restaurant owners were opening their shops up for the day. It was a day like any other day, and just like any other day it was ruined the second they caught a glimpse of the village's pariah, one Uzumaki Naruto. While some of those stuck up stooges would love nothing more than to drop kick the boy out of the city, there were still a few, referred to as demon lovers, who provided a small haven amidst the hateful glares and snide remarks. It was these people that Naruto really looked out for. Many an unkind shop keeper had been brilliantly pranked after insulting one of his protectors.
For the most time though, Naruto just acted like he was completely oblivious to it all. It wasn't that he was an idiot; he just chose to ignore it and shrug it off like it was something wrong with them. It wasn't like he did anything to deserve it! Well, most of the time anyways. Today though... yes today was different. Nothing could hurt him today! The pitiful glares were merely an insect bite to his neck as he strode confidently down the street. Never again would he be affected by the glares! For this was TWO, count them, TWO weeks after he had officially started to attend the Konoha Shinobi Academy. Naruto always dreamed of being like his idol, the Yondaime Hokage, so going to the Shinobi Academy was a big deal to him. It had all started just over a fortnight ago...
- Flashback -
Naruto had just been called to the Hokage's office by an ANBU wearing a mask that resembled a dog. After delivering the message the man disappeared as quickly as he had come. Naruto didn't understand what it was about but it was from his Jiji so he didn't think too much of it. When he finally made it to the Hokage's office, he nonchalantly walked past the Hokage's secretary who protested his abrupt entry the whole way. Pointedly ignoring her, he dropped his pants a tad, revealing enough of his bum to count for a moon. Grinning at the indignant squawk that sounded out from the old bat, Naruto quickly ran to the Hokage's door and kicked it open, calling out loudly.
"Hey Old Man, you wanted to see me?"
"Naruto show more respect to your Hokage!"
Looking up in surprise, Naruto then noticed some strange ninja standing by the Hokage's desk, a scornful look adorning his scarred face. Chunin, if his vest had anything to do with it. He stared unabashedly at the long line running across the man's nose until he began to twitch.
"Who's this guy?" Naruto asked confused.
"Oh, forgive me, Naruto this is Umino Iruka. Iruka, this is Uzumaki Naruto, then one I was telling you about."
The Hokage gestured to both as he introduced them to each other before continuing. Neither moved.
"Naruto, remember when you were younger and you told me that you wished to become the next Hokage?"
Naruto nodded and rolled his eyes. "Dah, nothing's changed that."
Smiling, Hokage continued, "And I told you that you had to become a ninja first?"
Naruto nodded again.
"Well it just so happens that you are now of the proper age and the Konoha Shinobi Academy will be starting its new semester next week! Would you like to join the Academy and become a ninja?"
"Does an Inuzuka smell? Hell yeah! Remember Jiji, I still have to take that hat from you so everyone will acknowledge me. If I have to do this Academy thing first then so be it. I'll be the next Hokage for sure. BELIEVE IT!"
The Hokage grinned as Naruto jumped around happily; totally oblivious to the glare Iruka was giving him.
"Very well, you will start next week bright and early. Oh and do be there on time, I don"t want to hear reports of you being late or skipping classes. A good Shinobi would never do that."
"Pfft, I'm already better than any of those other babies but I'll do this for you! Gotta get that hat somehow."
Grinning again, Naruto began running circles in glee.
"Yes Naruto, you already said that now would you calm down?" Iruka asked irritably.
Naruto slowed somewhat and looked at him from the corner of his eye. The second Naruto found out who this guy was, was the second all hell was unleashed upon his person.
"Ugh. Hey Old Man you told me this guy's name but you never told me who he is."
"Oh, yes well, Iruka here is going to be your new sensei from now until you graduate the Academy so you better listen to him and show him respect. Remember Naruto, being a Shinobi isn't easy. It takes a lot of hard work but if you apply yourself I'm sure you'll pass with flying colours!" The Hokage explained.
"Yup I'm gona beat everybody, you'll see." With that Naruto turned and just before he left, sent Iruka a foxy smirk. Four years. Four years to give this guy hell. Oh yes, this was going to be fun.
- Flashback Ends -
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Naruto looked up and saw he had arrived. He was the first to class just like usual and as such decided to go to his assigned seat and take a nap until class started.
Naruto hadn't lain there for more than twenty minutes before everyone started coming in, making a lot of noise and waking Naruto from his kip. He fidgeted as he waited until Iruka finally came in and told the class to settle down in his usual drone. It seemed like it was going to be another boring lecture again. Ah well, not to worry. His desk was particularly comfy today.
Zoning out, Iruka's voice dropped to a soothing mumble as class began.
"Ok class, earlier this week we learned about chakra and its uses in this world. Can anyone tell me what Chakra is?" Iruka asked, smiling brightly.
"Chakra is a combination of the body's physical energy found in every cell of the body combined with the spiritual energy gained from experience and exercise." A pretty little pink haired girl in front of Naruto said quickly.
"Thank you Sakura. Earlier this week we also talked about the founder of Chakra and its use in Ninjutsu and Genjutsu. Unfortunately we don't know who exactly it was that discovered chakra and…" Iruka started to be cut off by a very loud student with a dog sitting on his head.
"But I was told that the Rikudou Sennin discovered Chakra and how it can be used." The student yelled out, disturbing Naruto from his sleep.
"While that is a possible story it is only a myth and most myths are just that…a myth. Anyway, since I have seen you do so well this first week I thought we would do something a little more interesting today. No boring lecture!" Iruka stated, causing Naruto to instantly perk up and grin wildly before Iruka continued. "Today we are going to be learning how to access your chakra. Would anyone like to come to the front and give it a try?"
Naruto was instantly standing on his desk, arm high in the air and flailing wildly. "ME! ME! PICK ME IRUKA-SENSEI!"
Iruka pointedly ignored him and continued looking for a volunteer until Naruto started yelling louder and more annoyingly.
"COME ONE IRUKA-SENSEI I'LL DO IT ON THE FIRST TRY! BELIEVE IT!"
Finally having heard enough Iruka lamented saying, "Alright Naruto come here. If anything you will just prove how difficult this is to the rest of the class. Are you ready?"
Naruto nodded and Iruka continued, "Ok Naruto I want you to sit down, cross your legs and relax. Take a few deep breaths then once you're calm enough, close your eyes."
Iruka waited patiently for Naruto to do as instructed. To his mild surprise, he watched as the boy visibly calmed down. Iruka chuckled. He hadn't expected the boy to be capable of even this.
"Good, now I want you to focus in on yourself. I want you to feel deep down in the pit of your stomach for the right feeling. Forget hunger, fatigue, and all emotions. Try searching for the energy in your body, similar to how you feel like you have a lot of energy on a warm, sunny day. It will feel like a little ball of pressure. Do you feel it Naruto?"
Naruto didn't say a word but Iruka was shocked to see him nod his head in understanding. Iruka frowned and thought to himself, "Is he for real or just fooling around again? An academy student shouldn't be able to do this first time."
Composing himself, he pressed on saying, "Ok Naruto I want you to imagine pushing that energy outwards. Try to build it up inside of you until you feel like you're going to burst. When you feel like you can't hold it in any longer I want you to stand and try to push it outward and release it! Do you understand Naruto?"
Naruto made no movements to acknowledge what he just heard. Iruka started to wonder if he fell asleep again when Naruto suddenly jumped to his feet. Iruka was shocked, he shouldn't be able to do this yet and yet here he was about to do it. "Do you feel it Naruto?"
"Yea I feel it… I can't hold it in any longer!" Naruto responded quickly.
"Then release it Naruto!" Iruka exclaimed in his excitement.
Naruto started to sweat.
"Is it meant to feel this uncomfortable?"
Iruka's eyebrows rose. "It can be sometimes. How close are you to pushing it out?"
Naruto's eyes clenched tight. "Close! So... Close!"
Iruka took a step back, actually feeling the fresh academy student's chakra rising! The whole class leaned in, each member totally focused on this phenomenon. The pressure within the blond continued to rise and the force actually started to become painful.
Growling, Naruto leaned forward, fists clenched and quickly turned away from the class. In that instant, his eyes flashed open and with a mighty roar, unleashed easily the biggest fart Iruka had ever heard. The force wasn't even directed at him and yet he was still knocked off his feet by the power. Quickly catching himself, the teacher wondered if the boy had a wind affinity to be able to produce something like that. He looked up at the class as girls started fainting and boys started laughing uproariously. Picking himself off the floor Iruka told Naruto to go back to his seat.
Once Naruto had reached his seat, Iruka, who was at a loss for words, just turned to the class and asked, "Um, so who's next?"
In that instant, he had every male in the class lined up in front of him, jostling for prime position and about half the girls.