Everything happened so quickly. Even now I remember exactly every single moment. It was a cool, windy, foggy day in last July. I never thought it would have happened.
I still remember her sneer.
I still remember how abominable she was.
I have never wanted to become a murderer. I have never thought I was able to take someone's life. I have always been the Good Man. I had a beautiful wife, a wonderful home, lovely friends, two dogs and everything that a man should have been needed.
However, it was false. My wife did not love me, and I did not love her. She was a way different from the face she showed to everyone else. I knew she was cheating on me, and not only with one man... She made me look like a fool. Everyone was laughing at me. But still. I respected her and I did not want to hurt her.
Actually, I was not angry when I killed her. It was an accident. Or at least it looked like an accident, but it did not happen on purpose.
I went to her room. We have never slept together, not even at the beginning of our marriage. She had said she needed some space.
She was sitting there and combing her hair. I gave that comb to her for her birthday. Its handle was silver and it was jewelled with small pieces of diamond. In fact she hated it, but it was expensive so she used it.
She was wearing her silk nightdress. It was from Paris and it was really fashionable. She was very keen on her clothes. She would have never worn the same garment again. It was ridiculous. We have always had huge arguments because of it. She always said I was skinflint, and I always responded she was spendthrift, and our budget had an end, as well.
She looked at me and smiled. I have never liked her smile. There was something cruel in it, like she was laughing at the world. I think she thought she was better than everyone else.
She slowly put down her comb and stood up. She was nearly forty but she looked like a girl who has just got married. She was more than beautiful. When I first saw her I thought she was an angel. Later on, I realised she was more like the Devil than an angel...
'What do you want here, Maxim?' she asked. 'You hardly come here.' And she was totally right. I did not like her room. A whole room just to satisfy sensual pleasures, it was sickening. The bed was never made, the curtains were never pulled, and the room was only illuminated by the flickering light of the candles which were standing on my wife's dressing table.
'I wanted to talk to you, Rebecca.'
'Oh, do not call me Rebecca, you know, I hate it.' she answered. 'But, come on, say it. I have an appointment with the young Evans. He is a really charming man, and he is so innocent...' Yes, it was the real Mrs. de Winter. She was sinful, cunning and chilly. She never respected anything; she never loved anything except herself. She always thought of herself and she always put forward her interests. She never cared about the others, but she hated when someone made a mistake, however, she could have never made a mistake or at least she thought so. The truth was... she made one mistake after the other. She lived for gossips, but she never realised that the subject of those gossips was she herself.
'Another victim?' I asked. 'Anyway. I wanted to talk about your life-style. I cannot tolerate it anymore. I no longer can let you live this guilty life. From now, you will be a normal wife. You will not take more journeys into the night; you will not have little affairs with every upstart men. You will take care of household; you will only attend on charity events with me as an accompanist; you will only send post to other ladies and finally you will not leave this estate without my permission.' As I was saying all these things, I saw on her face how scared she was hearing the new conditions, but I could not take it anymore. There were no other choices. Divorcement was impossible in our family; the de Winter family is an old, traditional aristocrat family, and she knew it. She knew I could not do anything to stop her, which was one of the reasons why she married me. The other very important reason was that I had a huge heirloom...
'You cannot do that. You cannot forbid me to live my own life. We had an agreement and you have to stick to it.' She was almost screaming, and actually it made me happy. I was delighted, because finally I found a way to make her to respect me.
'Oh, believe me, I can. The agreement was false. Everything I said to you was a lie. My parents wanted me to marry you, so the only way to get you was that I had to promise that you can live your own life. And I kept it... until now. But I am fed up with you. What you do is simply disgusting.'
She took a deep breath, turned around and walked in front of me. When she arrived at me, she suddenly raised her arm and wanted to stab me with her nail scissors. However, I was faster, and I pushed her off and then... she was dead. She hit her head into the peak of her so beloved bed. I fell into my knees and I held her hand. Her head was bleeding, but there was that so usual smile on her face...
Quickly I stood up and carried her body out of the house. By that time, I did not care about her, I just wanted to clear away and forget it. I planned to let it in front of our house, so it would look like an accident. I wanted to play the role of the sad and desperate widow who has just lost the love of his life.
However, Destiny interrupted. When I took her corpse into the staircase, the housekeeper has just come out of the house and started to scream.
There was no doubt about that I killed her. Her blood on my shirt was enough evidence; they did not even start an investigation.
To be honest, I am happy to know that she is dead and she will not hurt anyone else. I have been being in prison for three years now. During this time I had tons of time to think. I accepted my destiny, and I know God is taking care of me. I got penance from this really nice, old priest.
Today is my last day here. Today, finally, they will take away my pain and my disgrace. Today is my last day on Earth.
Actually, I am lying in the bed, and waiting for my execution. I think they all think I am nervous; however I am quite calm, because I do not have anything to lose. The doctor is preparing the hypodermic syringes. It will be simple. I know it will not hurt. Just few minutes... I can easily hear what they are whispering about. I am smiling... Now I understand while Rebecca was smiling. Life is so much easier this way...