Hiding in the Blackness of My Heart-
L sat, huddled in the corner of the meeting room, his small crouched form barely noticeable in amongst all the shadows. L never huddled, and he was never afraid. Ever. He didn't want to be - It was pointless, and L hated pointless things. The shadows obscured his face, and it was barely noticeable when he started trembling. Barely. L buried his face in his knees, and hugged them tighter to his body. He was alone up in his rooms, because Misa was asleep in her own suite, Chief Yagami had gone home, Matsuda had left, Watari was also asleep, and everybody else had retired for the night, yawning. L knew this, because he watched their sleeping forms from the surveillance cameras he'd had placed in their rooms.
Apart from Light. Light. He was the reason L was here, cowering in his safe world of steel and chrome. He was afraid because of Light. Because of Kira. He was afraid of dying. L didn't know where Light was, because he didn't want to see Light. Didn't want to see him sleeping, or awake, or even comatose, it hurt to see Light, because L didn't understand who he was with Light around. He was Ryuuzaki to his colleagues and Ryuuga on campus, L and Justice to the rest of the world. But to Light he was a friend. L didn't know how to be a friend. He'd never been one before. Should he smile, and make jokes? L wasn't sure what to do around Light. Light made him feel happy. L had never felt happy before. He'd felt satisfaction, when a case was solved and L had become Justice again. But he'd never felt happy before. It confused him.
L liked to talk to Light. And L knew that their friendship was as insubstantial as light, and was merely a front for Light; For Kira, but L just couldn't help but feel…complete when Light was around. L knew Light was going out with Misa, although he claimed not to love her, L knew he had feelings for her. It made L jealous, to see Light and Misa so happy together, while he sat like a grim reaper of justice, towering above them, monitoring surveillance cameras and hacking phone calls, existing as an annoying virus. Jealousy. That was another emotion L only ever experienced around Light. L couldn't understand. Wouldn't understand, how he himself felt about Light. If L dreamed, it would probably be of a world where Light was definitely not Kira, and he and Light could be normal friends.
Of course, that would never happen, because L couldn't dream, and he couldn't sleep.
L was happy, because he existed as more than just a name for Light. He was also his rival. L knew he could never be an enemy of Light. L was an enemy of Kira, but not of Light. L wouldn't even mind being killed by Kira, if Light was Kira. L was sure it would make him feel happy. L wanted Light to feel happy. L liked the feeling of having found an equal in Kira, and Light. L wished he existed as more than just a name and a title to Light. It would be nice to mean something more to someone. To believe that someone cared, but L knew this would never be true. And there was nothing he could do about it. A single tear slid down his cheek. L hugged his knees closer and pretended that Light was comforting him. Pretending was easier, because when he looked up, and realised he was all alone, it hurt.
And L didn't want to hurt anymore.
Um, review please?
I'm just getting started, so constructive criticism would be really helpful just about now! I don't care what it is, but tell me, and I'll try improve - and thankyou to the people who have already reviewed, I love you ot bits for it!