Title: Pillow Talk, or Silly Arguments Ky Never Thought He Would Have about Sex
Fandom: Guilty Gear
Contains: Pretty much what the title says — implied sex, humor.
or Silly Arguments Ky Never Thought He Would Have about Sex
"You know, the only way this could be hotter is if there were two of you."
There was nothing quite as derailing, Ky felt, as a Sol who was trying to be perverted and complimentary at the same time. This was mainly because Sol could be counted on to be odd or outrageous (or outrageously odd) at all times, but he rarely bothered with anything approaching praise that couldn't be expressed in a string of swears. So to hear that phrase breathed into his ear while he was busy determining whether he could set a new record for getting rid of their combined buckles sent his brain to a screeching halt.
Ky hesitated, squinted, and decided to abandon Sol's belt in favor of processing the statement. Beneath him, Sol cracked an eye open and questioningly slid both hands up his thighs, the beginnings of a "You-better-not-have-remembered-any-emergency-paperwork" frown forming at the corners of his mouth the longer the inactivity lasted.
"...two of me?" Ky asked eventually, having turned the sentence over several times but still not finding anything remotely logical or sensible about it.
The hands trailing up to his waistband stilled, Sol apparently not prepared for mid-foreplay conversation. "Huh?"
"Why would there be two of me?"
"It's a figure of speech," Sol said, giving him a look that made it clear he had distinctly not meant for this to be examined in greater detail at this point in time.
Shaking his head, Ky sat back more firmly on his midsection, which prompted a strangled noise. "I've never heard of this 'figure of speech.' And anyway, how would there being two of me affect this situation?"
"I'd be out of my clothes faster, for one," Sol grumbled, and rolled his eyes at Ky's pointed glare. "Please tell me you're not asking me for an introduction to twincest."
Apparently realizing that the festivities wouldn't proceed until he had puzzled this one out, Sol sighed and propped himself up on his elbows the best he could. "See, it's like... you have one thing you think is hot."
Deeming this the first conclusive statement he'd heard in a while, Ky nodded.
"So the only way it could be even better is if it were two."
And it figured that things would immediately stop making sense. Ky wrinkled his nose.
"And then they make out with you. And each other." Sol paused, smirking at something only he could see. "Especially each other."
"Why would I want to make out with myself," Ky said, annoyance beginning to creep into his tone. He had overheard his fair share of campfire conversations, of course, but among all the who-is-doing-what-to-whom, the subject of fantasizing about a replica of one's partner had never cropped up. If this kind of thing was considered normal...
Sol, meanwhile, was building up some annoyance of his own. "It's porn, Kiske. Stop overanalyzing it. Sometimes people just think about crap to spice things up."
"So it is to make things more interesting?"
"Yeah, now you got—"
"Does this mean you consider this arrangement unsatisfactory?"
"But you said—"
"Look." Sol drew a deep breath, dragged his hands to the front of Ky's shirt, and started tugging it from his pants. "It's like... cake."
Ky tilted his head. His brain, ever determined to parse the somewhat far-fetched comparison, conjured up a nice three-tiered chocolate cake.
"You like the cake. You wouldn't enjoy that cake any less if there were more cake, but that doesn't mean more cake is a bad thing."
Ky tilted his head to the other side as his brain helpfully imagined another cake of the same variety.
Pulling the shirt free, Sol began hunting for its zipper. "See? You can't look at this from my perspective. You have to look at it from yours."
The two cakes spontaneously morphed into two Sols, and Ky scrunched up his face.
The real Sol paused in struggling with the zipper, and grinned. "...you're thinking about it, aren't you."
Ky blinked. Mentally, the two Sols blinked back, equally nonplussed.
"...what are they doing."
In his mind, the camp was now on fire, and the two Sols were high-fiving each other before a scene of burning mayhem.
"...If there were two of you, I'd get a giant headache," Ky concluded, and swiftly bent down to muffle Sol's answering snerk.
A/N: More silliness to come whenever time allows. XD