I do not own Doctor Who

The Doctor's rules of marriage, River/11 hinted. A wedding present, from a future Doctor to Rory. If you enjoy this, why not try Amy's wedding gift.

Oh by the way the next chapter of Miracle will be complete soon.

On a sad note, there's no Doctor Who tomoz.


The Doctor's 10 rules of marriage

1. Never get on the wrong side of your wife.

'Doctor. What did you say!' River's voice clearly that of anger.

'Um um, I didn't say anything.' The Doctor murmured. Why did he open his big mouth?

'Don't you try and get out of this!' River demanded her, hands on her hips.

'I am not trying to get out of anything.' The Doctor commented shyly.

'Well you should have thought about that before you opened your big fat gob,' She was pissed now.

'I am pregnant not fat, so stop with the jokes or so help me, I will make you regret that you can regenerate!' she huffed, before marching off.

2. Never teach her to driver, because she will never stop telling you, when you are doing it wrong.

'Sweetie you're doing it wrong.' River commented cheekily, as she sat in the jump seat, watching the Doctor piloting the Tardis.

'Well if you're so great, you do it' He replied, anger clearly shown in his voice. This is why he shouldn't teach people how to drive the Tardis. They end up thinking they know better.

'Oh no!. You said that it was your Tardis and that you where the only one allowed to pilot her!' River said sarcastically mimicking what the Doctor had said early that day, after she had had a go at him for leaving the brakes on.

'Fine!' Was the Doctors only response, as he continued to pilot the Tardis. However he had not got far before he heard mumbling noises coming from River.


'You haven't turned on the blue stabilizers'

3. Beware of her right hook

'Ouch! What the hell was that for?' The Doctor cried, rubbing the side of his face, which River had just punched.

'That was for leaving me. I thought you had been killed' River shouted at him, as she tried to punch him again, however the Doctor grabbed her hand in his.

'Sshhhh. I am sorry. I am so so sorry. But I couldn't lose you.' He spoke softly to her, brining her into a hug, as she tried to free herslef.

'How do you think I felt, Doctor? I thought I would never see you again. You said you would be right back, but you weren't. I waited for you. I waited five days for you. Do you know how worried I was? There were so many times I nearly went after you. But I didn't. For once I actually listened to you, I stayed where I was. Then you turn up, with with a rubber ring around your waist, sun glasses on your stupid head and a cocktail in your hand. Hell the hell do you think I would react!' River ranted, as she struggled free of the Doctor and was now stood defiantly in front of him.

'What have you got to say for yourself!' River shouted at him.

'Do you fancy a swim?'

4. When she's not looking, hide the stupid diary

'Doctor!' River shouted, as she looked through her bedside cabinet

'Yes sweetie?' The Doctor asked, as he looked around the corner of the door, his hands behind his back.

'Have you seen my diary?' River asked, as she started to look under the bed.

'No sorry I haven't.' The Doctor replied, before heading back to the control room. A blue book, that looked like the Tardis, in his hands.

5. 'Spoilers' will become the most annoying and most dreaded word

'River, what are you doing in their' The Doctor asked, knocking on the door to the bathroom.

'Nothing' Was the only response from behind the door.

'Nothing! How can nothing be your answer? You've been in their nearly an hour' The Doctor banged on the door in frustration.

'Sorry sweetie, spoilers'

Banging the door once more, the Doctor retreated back to the control room. He hated the word 'spoilers'.

Meanwhile in the Bathroom, River was sat on the side of the bath tub, looking down at her hand which held a pregnancy test. This was one spoiler that she couldn't keep from him for long.

let her find your stash of fez's

'Sweetie. Where are you?' River called as she wondered around the Tardis, wondering where the Doctor was.


The Doctor was stood in a room, which was covered with fez's of all colours. He had placed a red fez on top of his head. Red fez's had always been his favourites. However, he was broken from his day dreaming when he heard River in the corridor outside the room.

'Sweetie' The Doctor heard, as she approached the door. Sprinting to the light switch, which was next to the door, he turned the lights of quickly. This however had not gone unnoticed to River, for she had seen the light coming from underneath the door.

'Doctor are you in their?' River asked, as she knocked on the door. Knowing that he would have to come out, the Doctor quickly opened the door, which thankfully opened inwards. Darting through the door, the Doctor slammed it shut, deadlocking it with his sonic.

'Yes River.' The Doctor ask as casual as he could, as he stood in front of her.

'What are you doing in their?' she asked him, even though she knew the answer.

'Oh nothing.' He tried to shake her off, as he began walking down the corridor.

'If its nothing then why have you got a fez on your head' River shouted after him, a huge grin plastered on her face.

she buys you a tie for Christmas, thrown it in a supernova.

The Doctor began opening his Christmas present from River. It was a rectangle shape, with blue wrapping paper. Pulling open the wrapping paper, the Doctor opened the box to revive, a very posh dark blue tie.

'Well what do you think. Do you like it' River asked happily, as the Doctor began examine the tie. However, her smile soon faded when the Doctor ran to the Tardis controls and changed its course, before opening the door of the Tardis and throwing the tie directly into a supernova.


8. Be prepared to bow to her every need.

'Sweetie' River smiled at him.

'Yes' The Doctor asked as he hanged off his swing seat, as he fiddled with wires underneath the controls.

'I want to have a proper honeymoon.' She smiled at him sweetly.

'Didn't we already have one?' The Doctor murmured, still concentrating on the wires, rather then River.

'Yes we did. We ended up running for our lives after you upset a group of Silurians. That is not what I call a honeymoon!"' River ended up shouting the last line annoyed at the Doctor for his lack of response.

'Doctor!' River shouted at him in frustration and anger.

'What!' Now he was listening she barely called him Doctor unless he had done something wrong.

'You are going to take me on a proper honeymoon, or I will go and destroy all of those fezzes, you have been trying to hide from me' River emphasises her point by taking out her gun and spinning it between her fingers.

The Doctor was worried, very worried. He couldn't let River hurt his beautiful collection of fezzes; he still hadn't found one like his original.

'Ok, Ok sweetie. How about Paris?'

9. If your favourite toy goes missing, always suspected your wife

'River, I still can't find it' The Doctor moaned, as he entered her bedroom and sat down beside her, on her bed. Closing her diary, River placed it on her bedside table.

'Are you absolutely sure that you have looked everywhere?' River asked him, as she turned to face him.

'Of course. I've looked in the control room, the kitchen, all the bedrooms. I even looked in the swimming pool. It's still in the library you know.' He smirked at her.

'Hhmmmm.' River thought.

'What?' The Doctor looked at her in anticipation.

'I bet you didn't look properly' She smirked at him.

'Of course I did. I even triple check.' The Doctor trembled in frustration.

'Well then go check again' Was Rivers only piece of advice.

Frustrated, the Doctor huffed and left.

River withdrew an object from underneath her top, shaking it in glee. Undone to River, the Doctor was peering around the corner of the door and saw everything.

10. Beware of the handcuffs

'River, what you doing?' The Doctor asked nervously, as River approached him, handcuffs in hand.

'Oh sweetie, I am not doing anything.' she smiled at him, as she continued to approach him.

'It's not looking like nothing to me. You are not putting those things on me. Last time I ended up, half naked at Torchwood, handcuffed to a chair, with Jack making rude remarks. I am not going through that again.' The Doctor shouted at her, as he backed away, until he was up against the railing in the control room.

'Sweetie what makes you think I want to do anything bad with them' She flirted to him, as she pressed herself against him, before handcuffing one of his hands.

She ran her hand down his cheek, to distract him as she attached the other end of the handcuffs to the railing. Once she had done this she stepped backwards and turned, before heading to the controls. The Doctor watched her go, unaware that he was handcuffed to the railing; he went to follow her, but found that he stuck.

'River! Come and uncuff me, right now' The Doctor shock the cuffs in frustration. He looked over to watch River as she picked up his sonic, that he had left on the controls and shook it at him.

'No escape this time Doctor,' She smirked at him.

'Its time you learnt how to pilot the Tardis properly.'


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