Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
No spoilers unless you've never heard about River Song.
A/N: Written for a challenge at fictionland on LJ with the drabble "Beginnings". Limited to 500 words and there was so much more I wanted to say. I may develop it in another fic. This is my first Doctor/River team and I hope you'll enjoy it. xx :)
Beginnings weren't always as they seemed. In their case, beginnings were endings. He had met her on the day she died and he had known all along the day would come when she would meet him for the first time, and wouldn't know who he was. He'd had years to think about it, but he still wasn't prepared for it. He kept telling himself he had time, that he still had time with his River. It was funny to say it that way. He remembered when she used to say 'my Doctor' and he knew she wasn't referring to who he was then, but to who he had turned out to be. But who was his River? He had fallen in love with her when he still knew so little about her. He had fallen in love with the promise of what they would be to each other, of knowing her better. But it seemed that for a while now he had been running after the woman he had met, the woman who knew all about him when he knew nothing about her. He knew he couldn't have her, but he wanted to. Every time he met her she knew him less, and they were growing apart, as they were in the beginning. His beginning. Her ending. And it hurt him. The moment when they had been in phase, both in the middle of their timelines together had been too short. He felt like he hadn't made the most of it while he still could. But what more could they have done? The things they had seen together… And oh, how they'd loved each other! All gone now…
He was finally understanding how it must've felt like for her, all those years ago, when he had looked at her and asked her who she was. And the few times he had met her after that, when she knew the day was coming. He knew now how much pain she had felt, looking at him like he wasn't him yet, and knowing he would never be again. She had been so brave; his River. It was always so complicated, and they were never truly satisfied. They had lived with the promise of what was to come, and then with the regret of what could never be again. And nothing in the middle. Well, almost nothing. They weren't literally back to front, and a few times they had really been together, his River, her Doctor. He would see the future River again, he knew it and he knew when. He still had to give her his screwdriver. He knew the day was coming since he had his last screwdriver to date: the exact same one she had in the Library. But he didn't want to go yet, he wasn't ready to say goodbye. Because this was what it would be. The young River would still be here for a few more times, but it wouldn't be the same. Her beginning. His ending.
Thanks for reading. :) Reviews are love and truly make my day. xx