I was foolish to think he'd change so easily. Tears can only do so much to an S-ranked criminal. Even as his lover, my emotions only meant so much, and could hardly change him. Still, I hoped it would be enough. What was wrong with me? Now that I look back on it, I couldn't believe I had been such an idiot.
The first few days passed, and everything had gone wonderfully. In fact, he didn't even raise his voice to me. There were a couple of times that Danna looked irritated, but I couldn't judge him for that; I thought he was really trying.
As soon as a week had flown by, everything took a downhill turn. I should have seen it coming. But the first incident after our agreement was so small that I just let it slide. We had been talking about who knows what, when Danna suddenly lashed out at me, so upset that he actually flung a puppet off of his desk. The wood hit the ground with a sickening crack, and the entire structure splintered. He apologized through gritted teeth, and I should have pressed the matter further. After all, I had done nothing to anger him. Or at least I didn't think so...
But I dropped it. I just nodded, gave him a tight hug, and said everything would be all right. That's only for gag-worthy fairy tales. Grow up.
I don't know what that one slide had done. But I could only assume that it opened the door to everything else. Silence is just like saying something's all right, I guess.
When I was sitting on my bed a couple of days later, playing with some clay, he called to me. I glanced up from my work, and when I saw him motioning for me to come over, I placed the half made spider on the bed post and made my way across the room. "Un?" I said softly, sitting next to him. He whispered something I didn't quite catch, but I didn't ask him to repeat it. I knew he hated it when that happened.
I just nodded, not suspecting it was of too much importance. Usually, if there was something he really wanted to tell me, Danna would say something along the lines of "Shut up and listen good, brat. I'm not repeating myself."
Danna leaned closer to me and laced one of his hands with mine. He whispered something else, and I just nodded again. For a split second, his eyes looked away. What, you may ask, is the big deal? Sasori never, ever looks away when he talks to me. He uses it as intimidation. His eyes let me know that he sees everything. Nothing escapes him. Don't lie to me, Dei, I know when you aren't telling the truth. See these eyes? They catch everything.
And he wasn't bluffing. From the moment he started really paying attention, I've been unable to get a single lie across without him figuring it out. Followed by a harsh beating, of course.
"No one's in the base, Dei," he whispered, leaning closer to me. His breath made the skin it touched tingle, and I inadvertently leaned back. Danna didn't really notice. Well, either that or he didn't care. He leaned forward, his hands resting on my knees.
What did he care if no one was in the base? That happened all the time. Why the hell would he tell me that—Oh. No, no, no. "Danna, you aren't saying that we should-" Before I could even finish my sentence, he trapped me in a kiss, tongue immediately invading my mouth. I tried to do the same back to him, but I couldn't enjoy it. My mind was too busy racing with thoughts of what he had just implied.
"Dei, I love you," he whispered, kissing just next to my mouth, and then my neck. Sometimes, I seriously doubted that. The words only came out of his mouth whenever he wanted something, and he was stupid enough to think I wouldn't notice. But even then I shuddered, practically melting in my hands. Yeah, it felt good, but...I didn't want to go any further.
I let out a shaky breath. "I love you, too, un," I replied, hugging him. "But I don't want to go that far, un," I added quickly. Too quickly, I think. His arms locked around me, but it wasn't comforting in the least. His fingernails scraped at my skin through the Akatsuki cloak, and I shuddered again. Without really thinking about it, I hid my face in his clothing.
How stupid could I have been? Trying to hide from my lover by moving closer to him. Damn it, what did I expect to happen?
"Why not?" he whispered, playing with my hair. While he waited for a response, light kisses landed on my scalp, then my forehead, and occasionally my lips.
I shrugged. "I'd just...rather not. I don't want to, un," I mumbled as calmly as I could. Inside, however, I was feeling completely frantic. My heart pounded against my chest, loud enough for Sasori to be able to hear it, I bet. Not only that, but I was beginning to shake. My body trembled in the puppeteer's grasp, and he showed no sign of letting go, or even comforting me for that matter.
"You have nothing to worry about, Dei."
Yeah, except for the fact that he could hurt me. Badly. I was not about to make myself that vulnerable to him. Not this early in the game, anyway.
Like that mattered. I must've been pretty damn stupid to think he'd take "no" for an answer. No matter what he had to do, Danna was going to get his way. Something in my head had lied to me, saying that since he was changing his abusive habits, he'd start being less manipulative. Idiocy at its finest.
The manipulative son of a bitch slept with me. I even screamed at the top of my lungs, begging him to stop. But what good was that going to do me? He couldn't differentiate from pain and pleasure anyway. Danna (or should I say Sasori, at this point) kept telling me that it was going to be all right.
To make matters worse, he started hitting me again. Grabbing me by the neck and twisting me this way and that...disgusting. Not to mention I had, and still have, a legitimate phobia of intercourse. When his pressuring started getting worse and worse, I tried to tell him. I should have just said it in the first place, I know. And when I actually said I was Genophobic, he laughed and said I had "made that shit up."
The next morning, I climbed out of bed far before Sasori woke up, and looked in the mirror. I shouldn't have. I should have just thrown on my cloak and went about my day as if nothing had happened. Instead, I found myself staring into the damned mirror, looking at the bruises that covered my neck and most of my torso. My fingers brushed over a few, which immediately made the spots course with pain. The hickeys were only on my neck. All the others were from when he began doing whatever the hell had happened the previous night.
Just forget about it. He's never going to change, I tried to tell myself. This is what it's going to be for the rest of your life. Ain't that just fantastic?
That one thought made me snap. I didn't want this to be the rest of my life. If I was going to live my life as an S-ranked criminal, there was no way I was about to let Sasori terrorize me for most of it. Actually, all of it, since he can't die. I threw my fist forward, embedding it deep in the mirror. The glass cracked, shooting out in every direction not a moment later. A few shards dug deep into my hand, but I ignored it. It felt a hell of a lot better than last night did.
It had to have woken Sasori up, because when I came out of the bathroom, he had a confused, almost humorous look on his face. At the sight of blood, it didn't even change. "What the hell are you doing?" he grumbled. "It's five in the morning, go back to sleep."
"I hate you, un," I hissed, clenching my hands into fists. The glass embedded itself further into my flesh, but I ignored it. I didn't know what was about to happen, but I could only imagine that it was going to make the current pain feel like nothing. "I hate you, I hate you, I. Hate. You!" I screamed, advancing towards him before he could even process what was going on. Much to my advantage, he was still groggy, and completely unaware of what was going on.
Just like last week, I drew my hand back and punched him. Unlike last time, however, I hit the heart container dead center, sending him doubling over in pain. I should have ran. Grabbed my clay, and just got out of there. Once again, too stupid to even think of it. I let him recover, and not a minute later, I was pinned against the wall. "What the hell was that sorry excuse for an attack?" he asked, squeezing my waist so hard that I was sure he was going to leave marks. Probably his intention.
I'd be lying if I said I was still angry. Or even scared, for that matter. I was so terrified that I couldn't even stand still. As soon as his hands locked around me, I began squirming. "I don't love you, un. How is this even a surprise?"
And for the first time in what had to be years, I saw him genuinely shocked. His eyes were wide, and his mouth moved like some sort of foolish animal. The grip loosened, to the point of being able to push him away from me. Almost willingly, he took a step back, still staring at me. "What? Please, stop acting like you didn't expect this, un," I said, laughing bitterly. "You don't love me either, so what's the big deal, un?"
"Deidara, we just had-"
"Thanks for raping me, by the way. I really appreciate it, un," I spat, trying to squirm past him.
Yeah, didn't happen.
"Dei, I didn't mean to," I pleaded weakly. What kind of crap was that? He couldn't possibly expect me to believe that, right?
I laughed. "Yeah, neither did I, un." Once the high pitched laughter died down, I pretended to wipe a few tears from my eyes. Might as well go as over dramatic as I could. Even sheer terror wasn't stopping me now. "I've really been wasting my time, un." I paused briefly. "I thought you could change, Sasori, I really did, un."
He closed his eyes, squeezing them so that not a bit of light could get past. "I'm sorry."
"Don't give me that crap, un."
Sasori's eyes opened, just as wide as earlier. "I'm not, I'm really—"
"Stop. Just...don't, un." Too think that I'd actually hear one of the most feared criminals in the world begging for forgiveness right in front of me. Hah! Laughable. "This time, I'm done."
He must have really pulled himself together, because before I could leave the room, he seized me by the wrists and trapped me. At this point, I was only amused. What did it matter anymore? I wasn't afraid of disappointing him, and the hitting I could handle now. Before, I didn't want to think he hated me. Now, it was nothing. "Please don't leave," he whispered, and for a second I could have sworn he looked upset. Yeah, probably pretty damn upset that his whore wasn't going to screw him anymore.
"Stop it, un," I growled, slamming my foot down on top of his, and he didn't even budge. If only his body wasn't made out of wood.
"I don't hate you."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not going through this again, Sasori. If you don't let go of me, I'll blow the both of us up right here and now, un."
Thankfully, from the tone of my voice, he was able to figure out I was serious. Immediately, I was released, and I stepped away from him. Sasori didn't even try to hit me. Wonder why. I thought he'd at least give it one more shot before I was on my way.
Before I left, I stopped in front of his desk, which had dozens of vials laid out on top of it. "Hey, mind if I borrow one of these, un?" I inquired, picking up one of the poisons that had a skull and cross bones on it. "Awesome, I knew you'd understand, un," I said before he could answer. Either way, I don't think I would have gotten one. Opening up the vial, I took a whiff of the substance before looking inside the vial.
Sasori rose a brow. "That's deadly, don't fool around with it," he advised, eyes locked on the poison.
I looked down at the bloody, cut up hand I was going to have to deal with, and smirked. I had never been known for my ability to think through possible scenarios. In fact, I took most things as they came. So when I thought something along the lines of Wouldn't it be awesome to give him a terrible guilt trip? I didn't think any further about the matter before tipping the poison and letting it spill all over the cut. When I was sure it had seeped into my bloodstream, I looked back up at Sasori.
And holy crap, did he look horrified. "Deidara!" he screeched, and not a second later, he was at my side with his hand clenched around my wrist. "Shit! Shit, shit shit!" he hissed, yanking the rest of the poison out of my hands.
"What, un?" I asked innocently. And then it hit me; most of the lethal poisons, he didn't have an antidote for. In fact, all of the lethal poisons didn't have antidotes. They were ones he didn't even try to test on me or another Akatsuki member. Lethal poisons were for brats from the local village.
My face paled, but other than that I think I managed to keep myself composed. "You idiot!" he screamed again, this time releasing me.
My heart began pounding in my chest again, and I managed to ignore both that and the brand new stinging that was beginning to rush through my body. Guess you picked one that really gives you a shock before the end. Even with the pain, I only shrugged. "Don't worry, I'll be long gone before it's over. I'm sure you won't want to see my body after this stuff really kicks in, un," I said. How thoughtful of me, doing the disposal for him.
He started to say something, but I ignored it. Instead, I took to swinging the door opening and bolting out of the Akatsuki base. By the time I had made it into the woods, my stomach was ready to bring up everything I had eaten that day. I fell to the ground before throwing up, but I couldn't get back up. I tried, but that's all I managed.
I hope you remember this for the rest of your life, Sasori.