Everything was perfect for GLaDOS in Aperture Science. The highly destructive Chell was gone, and Wheatley was stranded in space. The Cooperative Testing robots had found a vault filled with thousands of human test subjects. Testing was going smoothly. Absolutely nothing went wrong.
Could this last? Of course not. Chell wandered around in that wheat field for not very long before becoming extremely bored. So, she went right back to Aperture. So much for an escape.
Well, this could not go well. But, GLaDOS knew from experience that trying to kill Chell usually led to a disaster, and capturing her proved troublesome, too. So, GLaDOS let her stay, as long as she didn't blow up the facility. Yes, things did end up getting destroyed, but hey, that's better than an explosion or being turned into a potato, right? Heh heh heh… Mistake Number 1.
Okay, things were still stable in Aperture Science. Chell did, however, get over the whole 'I'm-not-talking' thing, and because of that she and GLaDOS found themselves arguing over, well, pretty stupid things, actually, like the possibility of a triple portal device. Or unicorns. But that's not important.
Of course, not even this time period of relative stability could last. One day, a very confused astronaut showed up with a certain British idiot. Said astronaut was immediately put into advanced testing, within which he didn't last long, since both GLaDOS and Chell weren't very happy with Wheatley's return. Rather than killing him, however, GLaDOS decided that it would be more effective, and more fun, to keep him alive and make him as miserable as possible. They had fun doing things such as covering Wheatley in the repulsion gel and dropping him from the highest point in a random test chamber, or bowling, with him as the ball and turrets as the pins. Mistake Number 2.
To prevent Chell and Wheatley from doing anything suspicious, such as blowing up the facility, GLaDOS had set cameras everywhere, even in the area around Chell's room, which was like the one she woke up in at the very beginning of Portal 2, and was near a bathroom and a kitchen that GLaDOS could somehow constantly restock with food that had not spoiled for two hundred years… This worked, despite the fact that Wheatley's management rail went right through this area, and GLaDOS was forced to sit through every stupid argument they had.
"Why can't you just accept a simple apology?" Wheatley complained for the tenth time that day. He was currently following Chell along a catwalk to her room.
"Suuuuure, like a 'simple apology' could make up for you trying to kill me several times," Chell said coldly, walking away from him toward her room.
"GLaDOS has tried to kill you several times," Wheatley pointed out, following her, "You're not mad at her."
"I am mad at her," Chell replied, turning to face him, "The difference is that she doesn't bother me with fake apologies. Or any apologies, for that matter."
"This apology isn't fake! How many times do I have to tell you that?" Wheatley whined.
"How can I tell? You also said that you would help me escape, but instead you threw me down a pit!" Chell pointed out.
"I told you that GLaDOS's mainframe messes up your head. She was probably saner as a potato," Wheatley said, beginning to try to sound angry but failing and ending up sounding even whinier.
"As much as I'd like to agree with that," Chell said, pointing out a camera.
Life at Aperture Science was getting more annoying by the day. However, something interesting happened…
"You know, I'm really starting to hate humans because of you," Wheatley randomly pointed out, tailing Chell once again, "I thought you were an example. I honestly thought that you were a real example for the human race. I mean, you had brain damage, and yet…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I have never had brain damage," Chell pointed out (for the umpteenth time).
"Well, you never talked before this, so I-" Wheatley said.
"There's a difference between not wanting to talk and having brain damage, Wheatley," Chell said slowly, as if he had brain damage (which wasn't too unlikely).
"You know what? I think you're just stubborn," Wheatley said stubbornly, "I think that you and all your other primate friends are nothing but stubborn, stupid, um, umm… But anyway, I'm glad I'm not one!"
"Oh, really?" Chell said, amused rather than angry at his half-failed insult, "I thought that you would be glad if by some weird twist of fate you did become one, since then you would actually have a brain."
"No, no, I would become stupider if I became a human, because, um, because I have too much, uh, knowledge, and uh, memory for a human brain to hold," Wheatley replied, his eye thing swiveling as he tried to think of excuses.
"Knowledge? Really? What could possibly cause me to doubt that?" Chell said as she picked up her pace. They were… somewhere in the facility. To be honest, they just wandered around and argued in their free time, and since they had nothing to do, all of their time was free time. They did a lot of wandering and arguing, much to GLaDOS's dismay.
However, hearing them talk about humans randomly gave GLaDOS an idea…
If you could take a human and map its mind onto a computer, what about vice versa?
What could possibly go wrong?
There you have it. Mistake Number 3. How this entire disaster started. GLaDOS began with Wheatley.
Remember what Wheatley said about there being too much stuff in his head to fit inside a human brain? He was wrong. There was a lot of room left over…
So, now Wheatley was in a human body. GLaDOS had even bothered to try to find a fitting host. He was about the same height as Chell, and was pretty scrawny. He had bright blue eyes, like his core, and a mess of spikey blond hair. Blond… get it?
Now came the hard part. GLaDOS doubted that there would be any change in Wheatley's behavior, but what about herself? Of course, she couldn't just give up control of the facility for this experiment. So, she made an exact copy of herself and put that into a human. She put a bit more effort into making this host fitting.
The human version was taller than Chell and Wheatley, had amber eyes the same color as GLaDOS's... optic… thing… and shoulder-length, silver-ish blond hair. No blond jokes on this one, she would rip your head off if she could.
GLaDOS's human version wore a white lab coat, as you might expect, and under it a black shirt with a blue Aperture Science logo on it and tan pants. Wheatley wore the same thing, except without the lab coat, and Chell, rather than wearing an orange jumpsuit, wore an orange T-shirt and pants with black Aperture logos. Where did these cloths come from? Same place as the food. The world may never know.
After a few tests to get the former AIs used to their new bodies, Chell's room was replaced by a larger room with a bunk bed and a regular bed. You know, to gather more research on the interaction between the humans, and to make this more fun. The three gathered in there.
After staring blankly at each other for a few minutes, Wheatley finally spoke up.
"Sooo… What now?" he asked.
"Well, it is technically night time, even though you can never tell, so we might as well decide who gets what bed," GLaDOS's human form, who will be known as Glados (how original), suggested as she walked toward the regular bed, daring anyone to tell her otherwise.
"What? What makes you so special-" Wheatley's potential rant was cut off by both a glare from Glados and an elbow to his ribs by Chell, who also reminded him of the camera in their room.
Note: Humans feel the need to argue over everything, GLaDOS the original AI thought, boredly watching them.
"Fine. I'll just take the top bunk," Wheatley said, turning towards the bunk bed when he was stopped again.
"Wrong," Chell said simply.
"What-" he began.
"Might I remind you that you are no longer safely above me on your management rail?" Chell asked sweetly. Wheatley shuddered.
"Fine," he grumbled. Okay, there were times in which Chell actually scared him. She did abandon him in space, after all, and both he and GLaDOS agreed that she had anger management issues.
Not long afterwards, the lights went off, and the humans were ordered to bed.
A/N: About Chell: On Combine Over Wiki, there is a theory that Chell isn't actually mute; she refused to talk to prevent GLaDOS from getting the satisfaction of a response from her insults. Besides, a parody like this would be hard to write without her being able to talk.