Every section is a perfect 100-word drabble.
And it's going to get CRACK-like. Are. You. Ready?
Like a BOSS (27 FAIL).
"Good morning, Tsuna~! Are you ready~?"
"Uh...Morning, Kari, Haru..."
"Tsuna-san, thanks for letting us do this!" Haru says.
"No problem, but...What exactly are you doing?" Tsuna looks at them apprehensively.
Kariya answers him, "Heh...You'll see, Tsuna..."
"So, Tsuna-san, you're in charge around here, is that fair to say?"
"Absolutely, he's the boss!" Gokudera coincidentally opens the door just as Haru asks the question.
Kariya shushes him, tugging on his arm, "Shh...It's beginning."
"What is?" He half-whispers back.
Haru smiles, "Okay, take us through a day in the life of the boss, then, Tsuna-san!"
"Well the first thing I do is..."
"...Speak to Xanxus. The Varia made a mess in Palermo."
"What did they do this time?"
"They uncovered a massive drug deal—and went in against my orders."
"They got the job done, didn't they?"
"That's not all, Riya. The knife-bastard princess...sampled...the items being smuggled, and went on a killing spree throughout town. Even the shark had to get out of the way."
"Maybe...you should talk to the corporate head first—interrogate the ringleader."
"He's dead," Gokudera responds, deadpanning, "Along with everyone else in the vicinity."
Tsuna didn't get to talk to corporate like a boss. Blame the Varia.
"...Approve these documents..." Tsuna looks up, "Feel free to leave anytime you want. It gets really boring here."
His desk is covered with important-looking manila folders, expensive pens, and letter-sized envelopes with fancy script.
Gokudera turns to leave, "I'm going to go deliver these documents."
"Alright, thank you, Gokudera-kun. Remember, that one needs to be delivered to Dino-san in-person."
Gokudera holds it up, "It's right here—!"
"Lambo-san has arrived!" The child leaps onto Gokudera, his gelato falling off the cone and into the folder in the bomber's hands.
Tsuna was delayed from approving his memos. Like a boss.
"It's the only way to gather them in one room relatively civilly."
"You might wanna' stand back..." Kariya warns.
Opening the door, Tsuna pulls Haru away and Kariya dodges a trident knocked off-course by a tonfa.
Tsuna's ignored in favour of the melee. He walks over to the feuding Guardians, pulling Yamamoto out of the skirmish and yanking Gokudera back by the collar.
He grabs the handle of Mukuro's trident, and uses it to trap Hibari's incoming tonfa. He seizes the second tonfa with his hand.
"Sit. Down. NOW."
Tsuna's running some pretty intense workshops...Like a boss.
"Onii-san! You're back!" Tsuna welcomes him. "How was Russia?"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWADA!"
"Today's not my birthday..."
"It's not?" The boxer pulls a memo pad from his pocket, holding it out for him to see, "No, it is!"
Tsuna's brow creases at the jumble of Japanese characters, Italian letters, and—is that G-Script? "Onii-san, I can't read your writing."
But Ryohei is already running off. He waves back at Tsuna, "I'll be back with your present!"
Haru looks at Kariya.
Kariya shrugs, "It's alright. He remembered the wrong birthday like a boss. (That excuses him for forgetting my birthday.)"
"...The tech team is missing paperwork," Tsuna says.
"Yes, I apologize for that, Tsuna-san," Sai answers.
"I thought Irie-san was a meticulous man."
"Sho-kun is. But his organizational skills...And Spanner's whims..." Sai trails off.
Mosca units lie in various states of repair around the hangar. Blueprints, documents—they're everywhere, like an explosion of paper.
They watch, awed.
Tsuna pulls Shoichi's headphones off, drags Spanner away from his Mosca, and sits with them as they sort the stacks of papers.
"Directing workflow, I see," Sai nods approvingly, "Like a boss."
Kariya knew there was a reason why they were best friends.
"…I need a bath," Tsuna says, "I'll meet you guys in the conference room later."
He heads to his bathroom to take a nice long soak, glad for some well-deserved peace and quiet.
The bathwater suddenly feels much cooler—a draft…Is the window open?
"He has this entire thing to himself? Lucky! Doesn't he look so comfortable in his bubble-bath?"
Looking up from the foam, he sees Asha and Kariya perched on the ledge, peering in through the open window.
His eyes widen, reverting back to his Dame-Tsuna days: "Hieeee!"
"He's got his own bathroom…"
"Like a boss."
"Lambo, do your homework!"
"Bleh~ Make me, Dame-Tsuna!" Lambo sticks his tongue out and runs off down the corridor.
Moments later, said Bovino child is caught.
"I would've thought that since you're now ten-years-old, you'd be more mature. You brought this on yourself. Now do your homework," Tsuna says crossly. It's a long day everyday for the young Vongola Decimo.
"What're you doing?" Gokudera eyes the three women crowded around Tsuna's door suspiciously.
"Lambo-chan's doing his homework!" Haru exclaims.
"Shh!" Kariya reprimands, "Watch and learn."
"Boss is micromanaging..." Chrome murmurs.
Kariya gives Chrome a high-five, which the Mist counterpart returns shyly.
Tsuna slams his hands on the table, looking at the two men on opposite sides of the room, "It's time you two learned to work together, or at least to treat each other civilly! (And not cause destruction every time you meet!)"
"Hn..." Hibari leans against the wall, arms crossed, refusing to look at any of them.
"I'm afraid that that's an impossible request, Tsunayoshi-kun," Mukuro smiles pseudo-apologetically, leaning back against his chair, the picture of complete relaxation.
"Tsuna-san's trying to compromise here! So please just cooperate!" Haru says.
"He's promoting synergy, like a boss!"
Tsuna groans at Kariya's comment.
"And then he goes to—Hit on Kyoko?" Haru gasps.
They follow her gaze, quickly ducking down behind a potted fern. They watch in silence as Tsuna talks to Kyoko.
"Oooh...and get rejected!" Kariya laughs.
Gokudera glares at her.
"Haru?" Kariya turn to look at her as Haru stands up from their hiding spot and strides over to Tsuna to comfort him.
The two of them sit in cramped silence as they watch the confident girl approach Tsuna.
"Hit on Juudaime...Get rejected."
"Hayato!" Kariya glares.
She peers up in time to see both parties walk away, swallowing sadness. Like bosses.
"...I need to fax these to Dino-san. Good thing I made a photocopy."
Gokudera glares sternly at Lambo.
"Maa, maa. He said he was sorry!"
"Oi! Don't act so carefree, baseball-idiot! Those were some very important documents! What if Juudaime hadn't thought to make a copy?" Gokudera scowls at the smiling man.
"But he did, so it's alright!"
"Um, Gokudera-kun, could you take Lambo out for another gelato?"
A sour expression makes a fleeting appearance on his features before disappearing, "A-Ah."
Tsuna watches them leave, Yamamoto tagging along with them. He sighs, faxing the manuscript. Like a boss.
"...Now I enjoy the brief calm before their return."
True to his words, the peace is extremely short-lived.
"Stay away, you pervert!"
"You heard me!"
Tsuna sighs at the commotion. He really should go out there to stop Shamal, but he refrains—Bianchi can take care of herself, and he's really tired right now.
Maybe he should call a sex line or something—they might have an answer as to why a middle-aged man like Doctor Shamal would have the raging hormones of a teenaged serial rapist.
Granted...he is a womanizer.
He should call anyway. Like a boss.
"He's totally crying in there."
"Am not!" He calls through the door, straightening his jacket.
"You shouldn't bottle your feelings up, Tsuna-san."
"It's okay to cry, Yoshi."
"Says the Crybaby," Hibari smirks, brushing past them.
"Oya, oya...Who made little Tsunayoshi-kun cry?"
"Kufufu...seems like I'm not welcomed here. I'll take my leave then..."
"Hn. Trying to run, herbivore? I'll bite you to death."
"You bastard, DIE!" There's an explosion of some sort, and clanging metal is heard from the other side of the door.
Tsuna pulls at his hair, frustrated tears welling up in his eyes. Like a boss.
Tsuna regrets inviting them to lunch at the bistro.
"Tsuna, you should ask them for a refund, then," Yamamoto says.
"Juudaime! I'll speak to them!"
"Gokudera-kun! It's alright!"
"Hey, miss. I want a refund for this pasta," Kariya stops the waitress.
"May I ask what's wrong with it?"
Tsuna cuts in, "Nothing is. Sorry to bother you."
"No! It's not fine! We want a refund for this!"
"Yeah! You expect him to eat this?"
Tsuna's Guardians demand a refund for him. Like bosses.
Other than Yamamoto and Tsuna, no one else ever found out what was wrong with the pasta.
"...I guess I'll just go down to the bakery and get a bagel, then," Tsuna (kicked out) sighs.
"We'll come too!" They (thrown out) say.
They watch carefully as Tsuna purchases the baked goods, then taking a seat on the bench. He opens the brown paper bag; it makes a loud crinkling sound as he takes in the fresh aroma. Tsuna pulls one out, bringing it up to his face, preparing to take his first bite of the bagel...like a boss.
He abruptly puts his hands down, "Stop staring. You guys are making me feel awkward. It's just a bagel!"
"Oya, Nappo-kohai. What do you think you're doing to Yoshi-chan?"
"Kufufu...You finally showed up, Grigio."
Asha saunters over, pulling Tsuna up into a seated position, "Don't let Nappo-kohai bully you, Yoshi-chan."
"H-Hai...Asha-san. Um...Do you have the documents that I sent to Dino-san?"
She waves her hand, placing the materialized folder onto his desk.
"Oya, I thought you and Cavallone were...busy. Though, he could've multitasked."
Her smile becomes venomous, "I thought you and Hibari-kun were having fun a while ago."
"Oh, we were."
"Too much info!"
"Yoshi-chan, you should file a harassment lawsuit." Like a boss.
"Kufufu...Perhaps a restraining order, then."
"I'm back! I thought I lost your present!" Ryohei places the bottle down.
"Thank you, Onii-san. But it's not my birthday."
"Enjoy, Sawada!" Ryohei closes the door behind him.
"He ignored me...!"
"Stop moping, Tsuna. He forgot to tell you something else," Reborn picks up the dropped memo, "The Gigue Famiglia has left the Alliance to join the Millefiore."
"What?" Tsuna slides off of his chair with a moan.
"Decimo..." Kariya growls, "Get up, or I swear I'll kill you for disgracing your title. I won't let you be promoted to Don Vongola if you don't act like a boss."
"Oh well, we can't let this go to waste, Tsuna," Kariya picks the bottle of vodka up, grinning after Reborn excuses himself, "Let's have a drink, and then we'll call a meeting and talk this situation over with everybody."
She pours two cups, and pushes one into his hands.
"Cin cin, Tsuna!"
They clink glasses, Tsuna forcing a smile onto his face, and they drink the vodka down.
They choke at the burning sensation.
"Whoo! That's strong!" Kariya says.
Tsuna nods, continuing to cough.
"Ha! Let's have some more!"
With bosses, it never ends at just a fifth of vodka.
"Let's go get some more for everybody!" Tsuna suggests, lifting the empty bottle, trying hard to forget his previous grievances.
"Alright! We can surprise them when get back. So, let's...climb out the window!"
"Kari-chan! That's not safe!"
"I'm the birthday girl, and you're the boss. It's fine, Tsuna!" She insists, "Besides, I bet as soon as you step out of that door, they'll attack you with more paperwork."
Tsuna groans, feeling the onset of a headache just thinking about the amount of trouble they cause in a single day.
So they climb out of the window, birthday girl, and boss.
They leave the bar, stumbling into the car, giggling like madmen.
"Tsuna? Daemon Spawn?" Asha says, approaching them, "Is that you guys? H-Hey!"
The wheels skid as Kariya floors the gas pedal.
"Suck a dude's dick…" Tsuna mumbles, falling over on the dashboard before propping himself back up.
"Suck my own dick!" Kariya shoots back.
They howl with laughter, and Kariya tips over onto Tsuna, the wheel spinning in crazy circles. The lights spin around them in pretty colours, and they put their hands up in the air as the car crashes into the blob of lights. Like a boss.
"Juudaime! We came as quickly as possible!"
"They're your problem now..." Asha stands, walking past them, "Have fun babysitting."
Gokudera and Haru give the woman their thanks before preparing to scold them. They then make their way to a booth where the two are sitting, seemingly sobered up, eating their way through a box of chicken nuggets.
"Score some coke…" Tsuna holds his can up.
Looks can be deceiving. As soon as they near them, they hear the mumbling. The mumbling soon turns to drunken lyrics, which then become alcohol-induced, horribly off-key serenades belted out for the entire restaurant's enjoyment.
"Chop my balls off!" Kariya crows, leaping up onto the tabletop.
"Get down, you idiot!" Gokudera tries to pull her back down.
"Black out in the sewer!" Tsuna responds, standing.
"Meet a giant fish, and fuck its brains out!" The drunken girl is egged on by her friend's enthusiasm.
"Turn into a robot!" Tsuna smiles dopily.
"Bomb the Russians!" Kariya exclaims, a gleam in her eyes.
"Crash into the sun!" Tsuna yells, clambering up onto the table as well.
"Juudaime, not you too!"
"Now we're dead!" The drunken duo high-five each other, then collapse, while the sober two groan.
"Right. So this was an average day for you, Tsuna-san?" Haru struggles down the hallway, his arm slung over her small shoulders.
"Yeah," he slurs, too heavily intoxicated to formulate multisyllabic words, let alone coherent sentences.
"Haru thinks that being the boss is too stressful for Tsuna-san. It's really been eye-opening for Haru," she sighs.
"I'm the boss," he mumbles.
"Yes, Haru understands. Maybe Tsuna-san needs a break."
"I'm the boss."
"Yes, I heard you the first time."
"I'm the boss," he repeats.
"I heard you that time too."
"I'm the boss."
"You've had way too much to drink, Tsuna-san."
"LIKE A BOSS!"
"Alright! I get it!" Gokudera growls, focusing on the road ahead.
"He's a boss doing boss-like things."
"You just jelly, Hayato. You just…jelly. Not like a boss. You wish you was a boss. Like Tsuna. Tsuna's a boss. Tsuna's the boss…yeah!"
"...I'm a boss, too."
"Aren't I such a boss?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure! Now stay in your damn seat, woman! I'm trying to drive!"
"Hayato…We left my chicken nuggets back there."
"...! O-Oi! Let go of the steering wheel!"
"We have to go back for my boss nuggets!"
A/N: Before I forget, NO, I am NOT glorifying drinking and driving, merely pointing out the hilarity of it, and how it's actually really stupid. So, as I'm sure you guys all know, DON'T DO IT!
And as you probably have already noticed, these OCs are from my other stories. Kariya's main one is Starfire, Asha's is P s y c h e ~[ButterflyHeart]~, and Sai's is Ctrl-Alt-Delete (R E B OO T). Go check them out if you want. (Though I highly doubt when I post this, Reboot will be posted yet...)
Kariya is such a bad influence on Tsunafishy... I just love writing Asha and Mukuro interactions—it's even better when they collaborate, and mind-rape Tsunafishy. (^_^" I'm too evil to our dear Sawada Tsunayoshi. I should be nicer, judging from the fact that without him, there would be no KHR for us...)
And I so totally own the song, that's why I'm a regular kid going to a regular school, and not riding a be-YOO-ti-ful Kawasaki Ninja off into the sunset, with paper bills fluttering behind me in the wind.
Anyway, I'm a strong supporter/believer of the 'never-gets-drunk-no-matter-how-much-they-drink' kind of Tsuna. That's what I see him as. So either take this as a lightweight Tsuna, or marvel at the sheer amount of alcohol that he has consumed—and not died of alcohol poisoning (or drunk driving for that matter…)
Questions? Ask away~
Thank you for reading, and:
Review like bosses.