note. pandora hearts © jun mochizuki.
.& edited 26/o8/11.

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whispered prayers.

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Sharon is never growing up.

She is like Peter Pan, frozen and pretty and little and young. She has lots of dresses, Sharon, and she wears them like a queen and a lady and sometimes she still thinks when I grow up I will

Except not really. Because how could she forget? Sharon is nevernevernever growing up —pretty young forever—, and so oney day her heart will stop and she will watch God's face (there must be a God, she thinks, because without a God, without a final peace, what is out there? Why do we bother? She talks to him,

to God,

thank you for today it was very funny, and sometimes pleasepleaseplease just a bit but it's like he can't hear her or—) she will keep wearing the same dresses and she will never have wrinkles in the corner of her eyes, she will never get laugh lines, she will never get married and she will never be a mother and she will never, ever be a woman. She is just going to be Sharon—

—Sharon, that drinks tea at any hour and says "Welcome back" when Break jumps through the window and smiles kindly at everyone and talks with Emily and helps Alice and comforts Oz and listens to Liam—

(never ever forever sharon that's her)

She doesn't regret her decision because a woman has to make a choice once in a while and then walk with it, head high, chin proud, gentle hands and ready smile. And Break says she's a woman even though she can't wear a woman's dress and she is never going to be a mother, she is never going to tell a little girl or a little boy do you want some tea, darling? and—

Sharon is not regretting. She is not. It's just, sometimes, Break—

(it's break's second life. with another name and another heartbeat and another memory and another eyes but it's his second life, and sharon knows and isn't it time already for a family and warm sheets and she doesn't—it's not what she was hoping for—is this body that doesn't grow, doesn't change—)

she wouldn't, she couldn't, but Sharon-chan should because it's her time, it's her life, her frozenquietfathomless life, and it's Break, and she loves him, she knows. She loves him like she will never, ever love anyone else.

Sharon drinks tea. She fixes Break every day. She waits for time, but it smiles—softly, sadly—and doesn't touch her.

(Such a beautiful child, it says, but Sharon is a woman.) And Break kisses her, only a kiss, nothing more, and it's clumsy lips and a hot tongue and such caring hands—

I'm a woman. It doesn't look so, because—because of power and shadows, but she is—she is.

Sharon is never growing up and she's too young and Break is too old but it works, somehow, brittle, precious, and she never says anything she never asks anything and he always comes back. A woman's charm, her mother calls it.

(Sharon knows God is listening.)

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the end.