I've just realized that I like to write about this kind of situations… they are just too funny. Even though, this is the first time I'll actually elaborate about it so… I'm not really sure how this will turn out. I'm hoping for funny :P

Rated T for pervert! Sanji/Nami/Usopp

Summary: Because misinterpretations will happen in the worst possible situations, and Luffy being Luffy will just worsen things for Zoro.

I expect this story to be a two-shot! Maybe three if I get carried away… so here's part one!

Yes, I do own One Piece (Please note the sarcasm).

Slowly… slowly… slowly…

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"


Luffy jumped, twirled in the air and glared at the swordsman while clutching that part of his shirt where his heart was located. Zoro stared, unfazed by the menacing glare his captain was giving him while rocking himself in the hammock pushed by his right leg. His eyes then traveled to the boy's left hand, which was clutched around the handle of one of his swords. His eyes narrowed. "Why is your hand holding my sword, Luffy?" Zoro asked, his rocking stopping only to sit down and glare at the black haired boy.

"I wanted to play swordsman!" Luffy answered in a matter-of-factly tone which only encouraged the slight twitching of the green haired man's left eyebrow.

Zoro's eyes narrowed even more, and Luffy instinctively moved out of the swordsman's range; guessing accurately as he turned back, and stared in horror that where he was standing a few seconds ago, was now a pissed off Zoro. A very, very pissed off Zoro.

"Give me my sword." Zoro growled, taking a few steps forward to which Luffy took some back.

"No!" Yelled Luffy before running away from the fuming swordsman. "Get away from me!"

"Give me my sword!"

And so the chase began, Luffy running in circles around the men's quarters while Zoro chased right behind him. After a few minutes Zoro finally had it, and in one swift move he launched forward, tackling down the smaller boy and landing successfully on top of him, pinning him in place with both legs at his sides. Zoro smirked.

"Zoro! Get off of me!" Luffy yelled, flailing his arms in the air carelessly and idiotically forgetting that at the moment he had a very sharp sword in his possession.

Zoro evaded Luffy's aimless punches easily, trying to get the sword off the boys clutches in the process. Exasperated, he punched Luffy on the stomach, managing to surprise the boy and making him throw the sword in the air. Neither of them could stop what happened next, Zoro, too concentrated on holding Luffy in place barely noticed that he didn't have the sword anymore, he looked around him, trying to find where it had landed and swearing that if something happened to it he would personally kill the captain. Then, a sharp yell grabbed his attention.


Zoro looked down to his captain and stared in horror. His sword had landed in between Luffy's legs, the sharp end down and stabbing itself in the wooden floor. He could feel his face going pale by the second; did his sword just cut Luffy's…? He leaned over slightly, the smaller boy still trapped between Zoro's legs, and he sighed out in relief. There was a mysterious power that protected his captain, definitely.

The sword had cut Luffy's inner thigh, thankfully a few inches away from his manhood. Luffy whimpered slightly, grabbing the swordsman's attention. "Zoro, it hurts…" Luffy said, placing his hands over his mouth and muffling his words.

He stared apologetically to the raven haired boy. "All right Luffy, I'll take it off slowly." Zoro grabbed the handle of his sword and with as much care as he could muster, he detached the sword from the ground and out of Luffy's flesh. The smaller boy let out a hiss of pain, but managed to contain himself from screaming out bloody murder.

Zoro left the sword on the floor and watched the wound of the boy beneath him for a few seconds. He saw how blood started to taint his captain's blue shorts; if he didn't do anything soon it would get infected. "Luffy, I'm gonna take off your shorts."

"Why?" Was the reply of the confused captain.

"So I can get a better look."

"Oh, okay."

Zoro got off of Luffy and helped the younger boy up afterwards. He kneeled down to be at the level of his injury and unbuttoned the shorts, drawing down the zipper and finally pulling down the blue shorts to reveal Luffy's red boxers with meat drawings in it.

Zoro stared.

Just where the hell did that boy buy his underwear? Shrugging that thought aside he took a good look at Luffy's bleeding wound. Thankfully, it wasn't too deep, and it seemed that the blood wasn't pouring down his leg anymore. He would disinfect it first and bandage it, then he would send Luffy to Chopper.

"Can you walk?" Zoro asked, watching the boy try and take a step forward and hiss in pain afterwards. He sighed, carrying the boy bridal style and sitting him on top of a drawer.

"Why did you place me on top of the drawer?" Luffy asked innocently, watching as the swordsman fumbled through Chopper's emergency medical kit.

"So I can do this easily." Was Zoro's reply; he kept looking, he was sure Chopper had some cotton here… "Ah, here's some ointment…" he mumbled to himself, he looked a bit further and found the bandages.

"Ne, Zoro, will it hurt?"

Zoro walked over to Luffy, placing the medicines at the boy's side before smiling gently. "A bit, but I'll try to be gentle, all right?"

Luffy nodded, keeping one eye tightly closed while the other watched the swordsman intently as he wetted the cotton with one of Chopper's medicines. He pressed the cotton at Luffy's wound, adding slight pressure while rubbing slightly.

Luffy's eyes shot open at the feeling, he could feel a stinging sensation run down through his leg, and he didn't like it one bit. "Ah Zoro! It hurts!" Luffy yelled, grabbing on to the edge of the drawer.

"Hold on, Luffy," Zoro said, he clearly didn't like being the one hurting his captain. "Just a bit more…"

"No Zoro! Take it away!"

Luffy started to trash around, waving his free leg furiously while the other was being held in place by Zoro's free hand. He gave the wound one last rub before finally getting the offending cotton away from Luffy. "There!" He said triumphantly, watching how Luffy calmed down instantly.

Zoro stared at the wound some more, it didn't look as bad as before, without all that blood around it. Right now it was just fairly big, red and swelled. He heard Luffy whimper slightly and Zoro automatically shot up, ruffling the boy's hair affectionately. "The worst part is over, now I'll just finish this, okay?"

"O-Okay." Luffy said, pouting slightly but staying still nonetheless. He knew Zoro, he wouldn't hurt him on purpose, and he knew he was just trying to help. "If you say it will help me, it's all right, I trust you." He said, giving the swordsman his trademark grin.

Zoro smiled, he grabbed the ointment and started to spread the white substance against the wound. "It feels weird." Luffy said, to which the older male gave a low chuckle.

"Just give it some time, you'll get used to it soon."

Luffy nodded, this was definitely better than that stupid cotton and its stupid medicine. He watched intently as Zoro rubbed the ointment into his leg. It felt weird at first, but then he felt how the area Zoro treated started to cool down, then Zoro added much more force than necessary.

"Zoro!" Luffy yelled, throwing his legs in the air and successfully kicking the bottle of ointment out of Zoro's grasp.

"Gah! Luffy!" He wiped the white substance from his mouth before grabbing the ointment from the floor and covering it, then he glared at Luffy, demanding an explanation.

"You're being too rough!" Luffy whined, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest.

Zoro sighed, getting the bandages and grabbing Luffy's leg once more. "Lift your leg a bit." He ordered.

"Like this?"


Zoro started to bandage Luffy's leg expertly, Luffy just started in awe. A few moments later the swordsman was done with the boy, he nodded at his work and turned his head to Luffy, who was at the moment, sleeping. Zoro's eye twitched once again. "Luffy!" He yelled.

"Ah!" The boy woke up with a start, turning his eyes to the angry swordsman and then to his now bandaged leg. "Wow! Zoro's really good!"

Zoro smirked while helping the boy down. "Here, let me help you with your shorts." Luffy nodded contently, placing his legs where Zoro told him to and letting him pull up the zipper and button up his blue shorts. He patted the boy affectionately on the head before helping him to the door. "Go with Chopper so he can check you up."


Sanji stretched himself lazily. Today was such a nice day, the sky was clear, the gentle rocking of the waves moved the Going Merry ever so slightly… but oddly enough, it was really quiet. Not that he complained, though. Maybe he'll go and give his beloved Nami-san and Robin-chan a cup of tea later, just before dinner was ready.

He added the last ingredient to dinner and lowered the flame, covering the pot and letting it rest for a while. It would be another hour till dinner was ready, so what better than to take a small nap? He took out one of his cigarettes and placed it lazily on his mouth before grabbing a match and lighting the white stick. He wondered vaguely if his normally loud captain was sleeping in the men quarters since he was nowhere to be seen. The same could be told about Zoro but… who cared about the marimo head, right?

Sanji yawned loudly when turning to the corner to open the door of the boy's room, but before his hand could reach the handle a loud noise grabbed his attention. Then there was a loud 'thump'.

"What the –"

"Zoro! Get off of me"

Sanji blinked. That was Luffy's voice… get off? What was that stupid moss head doing on top of Luffy?

His thoughts were interrupted once more by some rustling and a yell, Luffy's yell.


Again, what was going on? Sanji furrowed his brows in concentration, maybe he should just go inside and see what was going on…

"Zoro, It hurts…"

That was once again Luffy's voice, he was whimpering… but why did it sound so… muffled?

"All right Luffy, I'll take it off slowly."

Now that was Zoro's voice! So he was with the captain; just what were they – wait, take it off slowly? But… that just could be anything, right? I mean, Luffy could've been running around and fell and stabbed something in his finger, so Zoro was just helping him, right? Then why the hell did he find it so damn hard to get inside that room!

"Hey Sanji, you okay?" Sanji turned around sharply at the sound of his name. He regretted it soon after when his neck started to ache. "You look kinda pale."

"Ah U-Usopp! Y-Yeah, everything is f-f-fine!"

Usopp stared at the blond cook with concerned eyes. Sanji, stuttering? Yeah right. Something was definitely NOT okay. "Uh… all right, I'll just go in and get my –"

"Luffy, I'm gonna take off your shorts."

Usopp stopped mid sentence, staring at the door disbelievingly for a few moments. Heh, funny. He just thought he heard Zoro telling Luffy that he'll –


"So I can get a better look."

Okay, scratch that, he just heard Zoro telling Luffy that he'll –

"Oh, okay."

WHY DID LUFFY OBLIGE SO QUICKLY? Usopp turned around slowly, he could feel the color draining his face quickly, and by how Sanji kept gaping at the door, his cigarette now in the floor, he guessed he too was surprised. "Do you think they are…?"

Sanji glanced at the closed door once again. "I don't know…"

"Can you walk?"

They both instantly pressed their ears against the door, hearing some shuffling and a small thump.

"Why did you place me on top of the drawer?"

"So I can do this easily."

"I never thought they would ever do such a thing!" Usopp whispered, inwardly pressing his ear further into the wood.

"I didn't even know Luffy knew this kind of things!" Sanji whispered back, hearing some shuffling in the room before –

"Ah, here's some ointment…"

A slight blush crept on both males faces. They should so get away from there…

"What are you guys doing?"

"Shh! Nami! Not so loud!" Usopp hissed, making hand motions for Nami to get closer.

"Don't talk like that to Nami-san, you bastard!" Sanji whispered, but there was no menace in his words.

"What are you two going –"

"Ne, Zoro, will it hurt?"

Nami watched in confusion as the two males blushed harder.

"A bit, but I'll try to be gentle, all right?"

Ah, so that's why there were blushing. "What is he doing to Luffy!" Nami hissed, supporting a blush of her own.

"I don't know! We didn't even know that Luffy knew what was… that!" Of course Sanji wouldn't say such foul words in front of Nami.

"He doesn't!" Nami whispered back. "Last week he asked me how babies were born, and I didn't tell him!"

"Then Zoro's corrupting Luffy?" Usopp asked in shock, but the swordsman didn't look like the kind to abuse of his captain's innocence. He even seemed rather overprotective of him.

"Ah Zoro! It hurts!"

"That damned bastard, he's hurting Luffy!" Sanji said, a killer aura around him.

"Hold on, Luffy, just a bit more…"

Nami furrowed her eyebrows. "I always knew that over-protectiveness was suspicious."

"No Zoro! Take it away!"

"Is Zoro… forcing Luffy?" Usopp whispered, his face going even paler.


All three stayed silent, wondering what (or rather who) had made all that trashing sound.

"The worst part is over, now I'll just finish this, okay?"


There was a pregnant pause in where the three eavesdroppers pressed their ears harder into the door.

"If you say it will help me, it's all right, I trust you."

"He told Luffy this was to help him?" Sanji whispered, his eyes were now wide open.

Nami crossed her arms. "Luffy's too naïve, of course he would comply."

"Yeah, but Zoro could've just taken a cold shower!" Usopp said before being silenced once more by Luffy's voice.

"It feels weird."

"Just give it some time, you'll get used to it soon."

Silence ensued on the room, and all three waited for something else to happen. And just when they thought everything was over…


They blushed, Luffy just screamed Zoro's name.

"Gah! Luffy!"

"I can't believe he's actually tainting our innocent captain like that!" Sanji said, the blush still visible in his face.

"You're being too rough!"

"Oi Nami, are you okay?" Usopp whispered, watching the furiously blushing Nami.

She nodded. "I'm just wondering why they have to be so damn loud…" She sighed. "I hope Luffy's okay…"

"Lift your leg a bit."

The hell?

"Like this?"


"And now he's ordering Luffy around?" Nami said. "How dare him!"

"Shh! Nami!" Usopp hissed, bringing his hand above the orange haired girl's lips. Sanji was too preoccupied over the captain and first mate's conversation to hit the marksman for treating roughly a lady.


The three instantly stilled, did Zoro actually… screamed Luffy's name?


Now Luffy was screaming… and they will forever deny that he sounded dreamy, almost as if just being woken up.

"Wow! Zoro's really good!"

Silence, and then a sigh interrupted. "Are they… done?" Usopp wondered out loud. His answer came soon after.

"Here, let me help you with your shorts."

"That bastard's still trying to touch Luffy! The nerve!" Sanji whispered a little too loud, earning him a slap across the head from Nami.

"Keep it down Sanji-kun! I think they're… Oh! They're coming here!"

It was all it took for the three to rush out of behind the door, resulting on them tumbling over each other and falling face first a few steps away from the men's quarters. They heard the door they were previously glued onto being opened, and all three turned around to see Zoro and Luffy getting out of the room.

Oh, sorry, did I say Zoro and Luffy? I meant Zoro and a limping Luffy, who currently had a hand clutching his inner thigh, but from where the other three Straw Hats were laying at it seemed as if he was grabbing somewhere else. Yeah, you know where.

"What are you three doing down there?" Luffy asked, staring at his nakama with innocent curiosity.

They stared at Luffy with pity, tears could even be seen forming in their eyes. Then they turned to Zoro, that pity suddenly turned to raging anger and killing intent. Zoro took a step back, somehow he felt his manhood was in danger…

Alright! Part one done! I expect to get part two soon enough, mostly because I'm done with the next chapter of my other story, so I'll start writing it soon after I upload this, I don't want my inspiration to vanish XD

How was it? Good? Bad? Meh?

Well I hope I made you smile a bit or at least entertained you for a while! Be alert for next chapter!