AN: Just as the title suggests, it's a list of things that would be illegal in the Emerald Nation if the Wicked Trio was in charge. They take turns writing it, and to make it easier to distinguish who wrote what, I put everything that Glinda wrote in italics, everything Fiyero wrote in bold, and then Elphie's is just plain text, except for the title of the list, which is underlined, but she did write that, also. Also, #s 27 and 28 are inspired by #s 17/18/28 and #s 30/31 of "50 things I am not allowed to do in Oz" by Imtotallynormal. Go read it if you don't understand.

-Maggie the Mad Majesty of Muchness


Things that would be against Ozian Law if Fiyero, Glinda, and I were in charge of the country

1. All Munchkins by the name of Boq are forbidden to be within a 100 mile radius of axes, sharp objects, and other such weapons

2. Little green glass bottles are COMPLETELY ILLEAGAL, especially if they are full of "Green Miracle Elixer"

3. Unlawful and/or inhumane treatment of any and all Animals will be punishable by death

4. Any and all so-called "wonderful wizards" will be executed immeadiatly upon entrance of the country, especially if they have any of the previously mentioned green glass bottles

5. Little farm brats in blue dresses are not allowed to drop houses on other peoples' little sisters and then take said little sister's shoes

6. Said farm brats should not have annoying little yappy dogs with them

7. If they do, their punishment will be increased tenfold

8. Said farm brats should not be from the mysterious land of "Can-zizz"

9. Nor should their name be "Dorothy Gale" or "Dorothy" anything else, for that matter

10. If accompanied by previously mentioned dog, dog's name should not be "Dodo"

11. It is against the law to attempt to/imitate Elphaba's cackle

12. It is also against the law to throw a bucket of water at Elphaba and then yell, "DIE, WITCH, DIE!"

13. Do not sing "If I only had a Brain" around Fiyero

14. Do. Not. Pop. My. Bubble. OR ELSE.

15. Do not steal Elphaba's broom (and seriously, don't pop the bubble, she will not hesitate to go pshycotic serial killer/mass murderess on you, trust me, I've seen it happen before, and it ain't pretty.

16. Do not steal the Grimmerie, either

17. Do not sing "If I only had a Heart" around Boq/Tin Man

18. Do not tease the Cowardly Lion about his infant trauma

19. In fact, don't even bother calling him Cowardly Lion, or Lion

20. Call him by his real name, which is Brr

21. Do not set me on fire, then scream, "HOW ABOUT A LITTLE FIRE, SCARECROW?"

22. If you do, I will murder you

23. And I will dance the Hokey-Pokey

24. Do not dance the Hokey-Pokey

25. Do not put Fiyero in a cornfield and start torturing him just to see if I will use magic to save him

26. Do not look at Chistery and the other Monkeys then screech, "FLY, MY PRETTIES, FLY!" Oh, and also, super sad face cuz Fiyero won't let me dance the hokey-pokey. :((

27. Do not follow Jimbob Worthington-Smythe around blowing bubbles and saying that you are Glinda just to see if he will yell, "Look! It's Glinda!"

28. Do not chop Dave up and put him in a fruit salad, especially if you plan on giving said fruit salad to Glinda

29. Do not try to give Elphie a makeover and make her popular. That is my job, and only I am allowed to do it.

30. Do not dress Boq up as a scarecrow and me up as a tin man then announce that it is "Dress up like the Guy who tried to Kill your Girlfriend/whose Girlfriend you tried to Kill Day"

31. Do not give Chistery lemons and melons and pears punch. It generally ends badly for everybody involved

32. Do not make up silly words. Again, that is my job and only I am permitted to do so.

33. Do not put a pink flower in Elphaba's hair just so that you can say she's been Galindafied

34. Do not dress Fiyero up as a fairy princess while he is asleep and do his make-up then top it off with a tiara because not only will you have to suffer whatever punishment he comes up with for you, but I'll also murder you.

35. Do not cast levitation spells on Animals, especially Monkeys. It never ends well.

36. If you fall in love with someone in college, tell them the first chance you get. You may not get to see them again for years, and when you do, you will most likely have to run away from an engagment to somebody you only love as a friend and if that happens, a catfight will break out and things only go downhill from there. TRUST ME, I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE, TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE!

not give people "hidieotious" hats for them to wear to a party as a joke/prank/trick just so that they will be embarrassed and publicly humiliated and so that you and your friends will have something to gossip about

38. Do not ditch your fiancee for his/her best friend unless you want to break peoples' hearts and trigger a catfight

39. Do not lock me and Elphaba in a room together just to see if we "do it" every single time we're left alone

40. Do not put Lion Cubs in cages

41. Do not lock me in a closet with Elphie just to see if the Gelphie rumors are true, WHICH THEY ARE NOT! YOU BUNCH OF PERVERTS!

42. Ditto me and Boq to confirm/deny the "Foq" rumors, which are again NOT TRUE! *shudders*

43. Do not sing "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead" when Nessarose is in hearing range

44. Do not attempt to set me up on a date with Boq *ultra shudders* HA HA, TAKE THAT, FIYERO, I OUT-SHUDDERED YOU! XD

45. Do not lock Nessa in a tiny closet containing nothing but a mirror and a music player, then play "Wicked Witch of the East" and declare that she and her reflection deserve each other. Oh, and I DON'T FREAKING CARE, GLINDA, IT'S NOT A CONTEST!

46. Do not get Fiyero drunk. It always ends badly

47. Elphie will not start "singing in the rain," nor does she feel "happy again." YES IT IS, FIYERO, AND I WON, SO HA! IN YO FACE!

48. I am not a brainless moron like everybody thinks I am, so do not make fun of or tease me for being one. THAT'S IT, BLONDIE, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT!

49. Do not give Fiyero a test with trick questions like "A traveller rides into town on Friday, stays 3 days, and leaves on Friday. How does he do it?" just to test his mental capacity and/or intelligence. BOTH OF YOU SHUT YOUR TRAPS THIS INSTANT! DO NOT MAKE ME GET THE GRIMMERIE, YOU TWO, SO HELP ME, I WILL!

50. No, I will NOT teach you all how to come and go by bubble, so QUIT ASKING!


AN: If anybody has any suggestions, please feel free to tell me, because I'm always open!

-Maggie the Mad Majesty