I'll Mend Your Heart.
Unfortunately I don't own Twilight... can sense your shock.
"I'm sorry, B, but I love her" he showed litter remorse for an apology. Too busy gazing into that slut's eyes. One large, meaty arm wrapped around her slender shoulders.
How can he look so fucking happy when he's ripping my heart in two? I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I wanted to tell the both of them to get the hell out of my house, but nothing came out.
I was actually expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out any moment. But he didn't. This is real. My world really is crashing down.
The pain was unbearable, and I thought for one moment I would actually break down in front of them.
But the pain was replaced… By anger, when I saw my god-damn engagement ring on her finger. She's wearing it proudly, like it actually means something.
The angry and hatred for these two people were filling my every bone. My every pore. Every cell in my body. I felt like I was going to explode, and not in a good way.
These two people, that I loved more than anything, could just take that love, and repay me this way.
Before I could make a bigger fool of myself, begging and crying for him to stay, for him to love me, I bolted out of the house. I needed air. I couldn't breathe.I was suffocating, and I actually found I liked it. Any pain that gave me freedom from my heart breaking was welcome.
The air filled my lungs, and gave me slight relief. My eyes stinging from traitorous tears and my nose stuffed as I began walking away from my house. Away from my love. Away from my best friend. Away from the life I loved so god damn much.
As I walked, my mind was working overtime to understand what I had just been told. But no matter how I looked at it, I couldn't understand it. He hated her when she moved in. He begged me to kick her out, even willing to pay for a hotel for her, because he loved our privacy. He liked being alone with me.
Well I guess he got over that.
The sleepy town of Folks was even quieter than usual, as I walked through. It was seven thirty at night, and although it's not late, everyone was at home. Snuggling with a loved one. Being happy.
I was alone.
I moved to Forks two years ago, after my father suffered a heart attack. After his op he couldn't do much for himself. So, fresh out of college I moved up to Washington, to take care of him. I had every intention of moving back to Arizona, to find a job teaching somewhere, and having a happy life.
But when my father was well enough, and told me that he could take care of himself, I couldn't bring myself to move back. I'd never had a relationship with my father. My mother divorced him when I was three years old, moving us to Florida. I saw him for two weeks every summer, but we never really bonded. It was always awkward at best. I knew he loved me and I knew he'd do anything for me, but…we were too alike in our unwillingness to talk about emotions.
After staying with him for six months, I found that we were very much alike, and I just couldn't go back to how things were. So, I bought my own house, only fifteen minutes from Charlie, and began working as a waitress at a nightclub called 'Eclipse'. After a couple weeks of searching I somehow managed to get a job of Fork's middle school teaching English and putting my degree to good use; all by the age of 23.
Although I had my father, I suffered from aching loneliness. I didn't want a friend. I had a few of those. No I wanted someone who was more than a friend. I wanted someone who would love me. Make me feel cherished and special. A life partner…a lover…a soul mate.
And that's what I had with him.
Emmett McCarty was the gym teacher at school. He loved working in middle school because he always said 'they're old enough to know and be themselves and yet haven't grown into cocky jackasses yet'.
I met him my first day, and ever since I felt complete. He was the first of my colleagues to talk to me properly, not just pleasantries. He offered to show me round to school, and at lunch, he joined me in my classroom and we just talked. Like, really talked. Not just pleasantries…and it was effortless and easy and so comfortable.
After a week he asked me out. I honestly thought he never would, but he eventually did. And things just kinda fell into place. He treated me like I was the most important person in this world to him, and he told me the exact same thing. He told me he loved me after only six weeks of dating, and I had no hesitation saying it back to him. It wasn't long before I asked him to move into my house.
We were so fucking happy. I was elated every day.
And then I got the phone call…the one that changed everything.
"Baby! You home?" he called, as he stepped through to door.
"Yeah, in the kitchen" I replied. I listened to his footsteps as they grew closer. He appeared at the door, a large grin on his lips and he took in my form.
I was stood in my boy shorts and tank top, cooking us dinner over the stove.
He wasted no time walking over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, and began kissing my neck.
"mmmm. I'm hungry... but not for dinner" he murmured against me neck, sucking on my pulse point.
"It's almost...erm...mmm...oh!...forget the dinner" I groaned as I switched the oven off, forgetting my hunger.
…for food anyway.
It wasn't long before he had my in his arms, carrying me to the bedroom, still kissing my neck. He laid me on the mattress, his body covering mine when...
...the god damn phone rang.
Em growled in irritation. "Who the hell is calling you at this time?"
"I dunno. But it's probably important. I have to get it" I huffed as I crawled off the bed, to find my cell, charging on the kitchen countertop.
The phone was flashing Rose.
I hadn't spoken to Rose since I moved here, over a year ago. She was my room-mate in college, and my best friend at the time. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and her I. We were more like sisters.
I'd heard through the grape vein that is Facebook, that she's now editor-in-chief at a big fancy magazine company. Very hoity toity. Rose may not be the brightest crayon in the crayola pack, but she's good at her job.
"Bella?" a sobbing voice asked.
"Oh, Rose, what's wrong"
"Bella...I'm in so much shit! I need your help. Please!" she begged.
"Of course. What is it?"
"Can I come stay with you for a bit"
"You know I'm in Washington now, right? What about your job?"
"That's just it B. The company went bust" she sobbed louder.
"Oh Rose, I'm so sorry. But hey, things could change, you just need to get some kind of sponsor or..."
"No B" she interrupted "It's been bust for months, and I've taken a huge loan out to get it up and running, only..." she burst into more tears "...it's didn't work...and now...I'm in a shit load of debt. I've been kick out of my house. The bailiffs have been. I really need your help."
"Of course you can stay with me. I'll buy you a ticket into Sea-Tack, I'll phone you back with the details"
"Thank you so much Bella. I know I've been a crap friend since you moved, but I'll never be able to thank you enough for this" she snivelled.
After I put the phone down, I turned to see Em watching me in the doorway. He did not look happy.
"...no Bella" he said firmly "she's not staying here"
"She got nowhere else to go" I defend.
"Bella this is my home too now. I love coming home to you. Just you. Not you and some stranger I know fuck all about"
"Em, I know you don't like this. And you know how much I love it being just you and me. But she's one of my best friends and I will not see her on the street or in some god damn hostel"
"Fine, I'll pay for a hotel for her to stay in. out of my own pocket" he shrugged
"A teacher's salary will not stretch that far and you know it"
"Hang on…How fucking long is she planning on staying?!"
"I don't know."
"Please baby. Please" he begged.
"I'm sorry honey. You know I would if I could, I just have to help her." I hugged him, snuggling into his chest.
"You know, you're too damn good hearted for your own good. You just better make sure no one takes advantage of you" he hugged me tighter to him.
End of flashback.
I'd make my way to the park. A set of old rusted swings were my only company. Squeaking slightly as the wind blew them.
If only I'd listened to him. Took him up on the offer of her staying in a hotel, I would be at home happy right now. But I didn't. I even made her more comfy here by getting her a job as the school secretary. She still didn't help financially at home. She preferred to buy shoes with her pay check. And I was too much of a pushover to say anything to her about free loading off of us.
But what really was the salt in the wound was the ring. That ring that I had been so elated over finding hidden under our mattress.And now it's on her grubby, man stealing finger.
The park suddenly became crowded as a young couple, holding hands, sat on a bench opposite mine. They hadn't noticed I was there…too lost in each other.
I wanted to tell her. Warn her. The girl. Warn her that, sure things are great now, but as soon as a busty blonde throws herself at him he'll drop her like yesterday's news.
Then it hit me. The anger had cleared from my mind, and although the pain was still very sore and fresh, sense began to seep back into my brain.
They're still at my house. The house I bought. I huffed at the thought, before jumping up and literally running home.
How could I have been so stupid to leave and not kick them out first? I honestly wouldn't be shocked to find them in my bed when I get home.
His car was still in the driveway, which made me want to scream in anger. Do they really think I'm gonna let them stay?
I shove my key into the lock, open the door and come face to face with reality.
Lying on my couch, they're making out like fucking teenagers.
"Well, isn't this cosy?" I announce my presence dryly as I slammed the door closed behind me.
They spring apart, staring wide eyed at me. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen..." she stopped talking when she noticed my hand was raised.
"I don't want some half-hearted apology trying to appease your guilt" I snapped.
"I'm sorry" she whispered
"Just shut up!" I screamed, not even bothering to fight the tears. I turned to Emmett. "Get out" my tone was a mix of deadly anger and disgust. He stood without a word and began making his way upstairs.
"Where the hell are you going?"
"To pack" he shrugged. Yes he actually shrugged.
"I never said pack your shit, I said get the fuck out of my house" I yelled, pointed to the door, emphasising my point. He sighed loudly, shook his head, before making his way out the door. I didn't even look at him.
My eyes are fixed on hers. She actually hadn't moved. "Don't think you're staying"
"Where am I supposed to go?" her voice was quiet, and her crocodile tears were streaming her face.
"Like I give a damn, why don't you go find someone else's life to ruin?"
"You know it wasn't intentional. It just happened" she shrugged.
Why the hell is everyone shrugging?
"I can't believe you have the damn nerve to sit there and actually try to defend your actions. When you had no place to go, I let you live in my home. When you couldn't find a job, I found you one at school, you don't life a damn finger around here or pay for anything, and yet you sleeping with my boyfriend is how you repay me? Just get out Rose"
…and she did. Without another word. And as soon as that door shut I couldn't help releasing the anger that had built up in me. I ran up to our...my room, opened to wardrobe and grabbed all of his clothes. I soon located a pair of scissors and just got to chopping. It was oddly therapeutic. I cut each and every one of his items of clothing into tiny shreds. I then grabbed an empty trash bag and shoved all the scraps of fabric in, ready to give them back to him.
His new wardrobe
I did the same with her clothes. And I got even more satisfaction from snapping all the heels off of all her shoes. By the time I was done I was breathless, a complete wreck, but I felt as though I could make it through this. Deep down I knew me and Emmett weren't soul mates, and I was settling for him, but I was fine with that. That was comfortable and I loved comfort.
But just because I've come to this conclusion, that I can come out the other side of this break up, doesn't stop the pain stabbing me in my heart, as I sit on the floor weeping, my head in my hands., totally clueless as what to do now.
Tortured over my double betrayal
How am I supposed to survive without him?
Easy answer; I'm not.
Better just get used to it now. I'm never going to find anyone. I'm always going to be alone.