Some of you guys may be wondering why I'm not updating.
Well, it's complicated.
1) I'm in a play where we have ten-hour rehearsals that I HAVE to attend, so I can practice being on stage for less than ten minutes -_-' Honestly. I only sing one song, have no lines, and just stand there for two or three songs.
God I hate my life sometimes.
2) Another reason is that while I'm all A's in Social Studies, I'm dipping into the C- range in Math O.O… GOTTA STUDY-UDY-UDY!
3) I'm just becoming more and more depressed/anxious as the days go by, and I'm having a harder time focusing. So now all I'm writing is angst, which doesn't bode well with what I'm writing, hence why I haven't been updating.
So yeah, those are my 'excuses'.
Anyway, I've been slowly realizing how bad Danny Phantom is actually for my health. Lately, I've been feeling hollow and empty, but quickly re-filling, almost too the brink. I haven't been able to sleep well, either, so I have dark circles under my eyes. I've always been a bit emo, but lately, small things me and my friends always have done with each other- teasing for instance- is slowly becoming more and more irritating and on Friday, in art, I finally snapped.
I won't go in details, but basically: Add one annoying friend, one sharp dangerous cutter were using to make rubber stamps, and already slightly depressed/emo mind, and you get…
a hole in my arm, that is currently bandaged. Now it's not big, and it was hardly bleeding, so don't throw up guys :)
Anyway, cyber hugs and cookies are appreciated :p
NOTE: THIS IS BEFORE PP!
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my own inner turmoil. (I'm putting this as the disclaimer for every angst-y piece.)
SUMMERY: Danny reflects on who he is, and what he has become from a simple choice.
it all started with the push of a button.
Something so stupidly simple, but it altered my life completely.
Who am I?
It used to be an easy question; I was Danny Fenton, Freshman at Casper High, punching bag for the jocks, loser, geek, and son of the town loons.
But now I'm not. I mean, I'm still Danny Fenton, I have his memories, his house, his family, but those memories…. seem like something from someone else's point of view. Their tantalizingly close, but out of reach all the same.
It used to be straightforward. I was Danny Fenton, but I slipped on a mask when duty called and became Danny Phantom. It was as easy as that. The one day, I put on the mask, and when I went to take it off, I found it was stuck. Glued to me, in a way.
I tried to resist. The world was supposed to be black and white, but now I was finding a great deal of gray. When resisting didn't work, I switched to defiance. I wouldn't be somebody I didn't want to be. I couldn't accept myself, my own freaking self, and to this day I'm still ashamed of how childish I'd been, how more lives could've been saved if I hadn't ever hesitated before going ghost…
It still haunts me.
Spectra was right. Emphasis on the was. The two times my secret had gotten out, people did accept me. Maybe I was a freak, maybe I did have creepy powers, but as long as I had my friends and family, I didn't care.
But back on topic.
I guess the day I realized Danny Fenton was the mask, and Danny Phantom was who I really am happened when Pariah attacked. I never hesitated, and I willingly almost died so the world would be safe. It was then I realized that when I first picked up the mantle of a superhero, I started down a dangerous path. I told Sam and Tucker myself; fighting ghosts wouldn't always be as simple as stuffing the Box Ghost into the Fenton thermos. It was dangerous, it was scary, it could kill us on a daily basis...
I don't regret a single moment.
After that, things seemed to get better. Later, I realized it was the calm before the storm. Then he came along.
Dan Phantom. Destroyer of the Ghost Zone, destroyer of the world. He killed billions of people in only ten years. And the worst part? He was me. My future. And I almost killed my family. Right when the boiler exploded, before Clockwork appeared, I felt a surge of emotions, hatred the strongest, hate for myself. As that stupid boiler exploded, I looked at their faces, the faces of people I had know for years… and I saw forgiveness. Forgiveness and acceptance of death. That last 'No!' I screamed… it had many reasons behind it. The main one was pleading for them to not leave me all alone, but the second one was for them to not forgive me. I wanted to be spurned, so when I died, I would be sent to hell, where I belonged.
I didn't want to be forgiven, if I knew I'd never apply it to myself.
At that moment, I wished I'd never gone into that ghost portal, if not that my friends and family would be spared from danger. What kind of hero was I, if I couldn't protect the people I loved?
But they were saved, and I vowed to never let that happen again.
But I broke that promise a year later.
Danielle… or as she liked to be called, Dani…. she was young, innocent and pure, and I wanted to protect her to my dying breath, if not to shield her from the horrors of the world. But my little clone inherited my bad luck, and got to experience it first hand through that son of a gun Vlad. I told her I'd keep her safe, but within five minutes she'd gotten kidnapped and brought to Vlad. I can still hear her screams, her crying out my name…
I thought I was too late. For real this time. No 'Clockwork tricks' up my sleeves anymore. She died, right in front of me, thanking me for failing…
I hate my life.
I'll admit, I cried. I had failed someone who was technically my daughter, the strongest bond on earth, parent and child, but I had let my down. And the consequences were her dying. When she reformed… it was as if everything that had ever gone wrong in my life just fly out the window.
Two years have gone by since I first got my powers… two years of pain and torture, love and lost, seeing the dead every single day…
My name is Danny Phantom, and I regret nothing.
*sigh* good enough, I guess.