Akihiko was my one and only… my enemy and friend. He was the beginning of my life and the end. Now I'm just… alone.
Who would have ever thought he and I would be the perfect couple, then have it go oh so wrong.
He was my light, as I was the dark. He was my strength when I was the weakness. He was my everything when I was nothing.
It was just so hard to let go in the end…
The fight I was having with myself would have caused trouble between us, and I didn't want to pull him down with me. So I pushed him away at a time in life when I probably needed him the most.
Feeling the wind rush past me as I stood on the balcony, watching the flashing lights down below.
It was all my fault.
"Is this why you pushed me away?" he asked me, looking down at my scar covered wrist. He found out… and now I have to face up to everything. I hadn't wanted this to ever happen. It was just too hard.
"Yes… but this will be the last night feeling like this." I spoke. I stood on that same balcony. He stood on the door frame, watching me with that intense gaze of his. There was nothing I could do at this point.
"Why?" It was spoken so suddenly that I had to blink and stare at him.
"What do you mean why?" I asked back, a feeling of anxiety rising in my chest.
"Why did you do it?" he repeated, more sure of himself.
I took a moment to think back on my life. How I had fallen so hard and so fast for my closest childhood friend. Then he had to fall in love with someone else. Now, standing before me, was a male who had his eyes set on me. He wanted me to live.
"You already know why." I said, trying to keep my cool. I edged farther and farther back to the railing of the balcony. Cars sped by on the road below. Lights flashing together in a blur of red, white, and yellow.
"Don't call me that!" I shouted at him. "Don't ever call me that…" I whispered, broken into pieces. He would never understand… he was just a kid. He could never understand.
I hadn't noticed that he had grown closer until is arms wrapped around me. At this point I knew it was no use to struggle. There was no way that I could ever win. Not against him…
"Nowaki…" I sobbed out into his chest, my fists clenching at my sides. I hated crying in front of people that I care about. It was never any use to quite thought. My sobs were drowned out over the rainbow of colors below and the sounds of evening life.
"Come with me…" He said, his hand reaching out to grasp mine. Placing my own palm onto his, bandages going from it up to my forearm, I grasped it and let him lead me away from everything.
He took me from the balcony and into my apartment. In my apartment he took me to the bedroom and had me sit on the foot of my bed. Crouching down next to me, he watched silently as more sobs escaped my throat.
"Even if I say it's going to be all right… still I hear you say you want to end your life." He spoke to me softly, stormy blue eyes gazing into my tearful ones. "It's not too late Hiroki… it never is."
"Nowaki…" I whispered out, holding my arms out for him. He stood and pulled me into his arms, pushing me back down onto the bed. It was warm… it was soft.
My heartbeat began to flutter as he held onto me tightly. I couldn't describe what I was feeling.
"I never knew that I could feel like this…" I whispered, looking up into his eyes. He had a small smile upon his lips before leaning down to capture me in a kiss. I didn't push him away. I did not want to push him away.
"Seasons may change… winter to spring. But I love you until the end of time." Nowaki's simple confession brought a whole knew stream of tears down my cheeks.
"Nowaki…" I was crushed… suffocating in all of the emotions I was feeling. I grasped onto him and clung tighter. He rolled us over so I was lying upon his chest, my face buried in his collar bones.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I love you." I trembled over his frame, and all he did was hold onto me. That simple gesture being enough to break me down completely.
Nowaki would never know how much I had needed someone at that point. He had no idea what I had been really planning, standing on the balcony that night. Akihiko remained a memory in my head and that was all. Nowaki replaced him in my heart quickly enough. On that night I had really been willing to give everything up with no after thought about it whatsoever. But now I know everything that I could have missed… all the little things in life that would have been lost to me forever.
To this day, I still know how stupid my thoughts were. Every night, I pray for anyone out there in the world who is feeling the same way I did that night. I pray that they have someone in their life like Nowaki, so then they won't have to look back and realize just how stupid they really were by going through with it.