Doubly Rude and Once Ginger

Note: Now I know how ridiculous this cross over is, and even kind of stupid! I am currently writing a Naruto/HP crossover, and I am also writing a Doctor Who fanfiction, and so things started to mix in my head, so I thought…why not a Naruto/Doctor Who or HP/Doctor Who. The former is not done very often, so I decided to tackle it first. Anything can happen with the Doctor! If we can have Psychotic stone angels, murderous pepperpots, gas mask zombies repeating 'I want my mummy', then there certain could be magical (with proper sci-fi explanation DW-style), colorful ninjas! Now, the hardest thing was naming this story.

This is short, only probably spanning 4-5 chapters. The first chapter is always the shortest. And the subsequent chapters are much longer, I promise.

Warning: there is no actual plot! As in, no alien trying to take over the planet or eating people or stuff like that.

Note on names: I don't care if they aren't consistent. Honestly. I don't.

It is the 10th doctor, after The Water of Mars and before the End of Time

One: The Man that came from the Blue Box

Kushina first heard the odd, mechanical wheezing sound at midday as she settled behind a boulder for lunch (or the pathetic excuse for a lunch that was handful of crackers and water). She froze momentarily, out of habit than fear, and listened in the attempt to ascertain the distance and source of the sound. When the wheezing stopped, she quickly peeked out from behind the boulder, crackers still in hand.

"What the…" she muttered to herself, eyebrows knitting at the sight before her. Sitting out in the clearing was a large, rectangular blue box, with the word's 'Police Box' printed at the top. She squinted, trying to make out the words written on the plaque on one of the double doors, but she was too far and the words were too small. Suddenly, the door flung open, causing her to jump a little and retreat back behind the boulder. She cursed at her nerves.

"Well, this is interesting," a man's voice said, sounding very intrigued and even amused, "This seems normal. I think." She heard him sniff, and mutter, "Yup, similar gas composition to Earth—ooh, pines, junipers—earth species. What, am I back on Earth?"

Kushina wondered if he was talking to someone. She couldn't hear a second set of footstep. Was he talking to himself? She shook her head: no, the more important question was whose side he was on, what village he was from, what in the world is a police phone box (and why is it blue?), why he was in there, and why did it pop out in the middle of the forest? Kushina wondered briefly how she was going to accomplish getting all of that. She had to admit to herself, this part of shinobi work wasn't her forte.

"Hm…supposedly not on earth," he continued, "Lovely—could be a new earth? Or new new earth...or…"

Was he a spy? thought Kushina, because if he was, he made a horrible spy, unless he was speaking in code to whoever else was out there. This didn't make sense either since she knew, after some proper scouting, there was no one out there but her, at least in a 2 mile radius, unless he was speaking into a radio…or something. Kushina scowled as the imaginative part of her mind produced a myriad of other possibilities that just confused her. She supposed there was only one way to find out: investigate. She formed the seals and whispered, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu"! A perfect duplicate appeared in front of her, and the twins grinned at each other knowingly. The clone nodded and left the hiding place, and Kushina peeked out from the boulder and watched.

"Oh hello there!" the man greeted happily—too happily for the time and place. The clone Kushina approached him cautiously, looking him up and down. The man was tall, slight, definitely not built and definitely not a shinobi, unless he was medic or something non-combat. His hair was too well kept for him to have been on the battlefield for too long, properly gelled up and everything, and his attire was way too civilian for him to be here, in the middle of a forest, of all places, and was also much too clean and crisp. Kushina didn't know how anyone could move properly in that, heavy looking brown coat.

"Who are you?" she asked, her hands going to her kunai holster, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the Doctor," he answered, "And I don't know what I'm doing here, actually, but that's half the fun, isn't it, the not knowing?" His tone was gleeful and excited, his pitch a tad too high. Kushina knitted her eyebrows together, puzzled.

"You're not supposed to be here!" she told him, not that it would help any.

"I'm not?" he asked with a half smile, "Well, sorry about that. Always happens, you see, always end up where I'm not supposed to be. What is 'here' anyways? Where am I?"

Kushina was now looking at him with amazement, "Do you not know?"

"No I don't," he said lightly, a smile still etched on the narrow face, his large brown eyes widening happily. "Well, despite the fact that I am in a very green, lush forest on a very human-inhabitable planet speaking with a little ginger girl. By the way, great hair—bright ginger you are, unapologetic—"

"WHO are you?" she demanded impatiently, while in the back of her mind she was mildly pleased by his hair comment, though she puzzled over the term 'ginger'.

"I told you," he said with knowing smirk, "I'm the Doctor."

"Yes, but doctor who?" She was not enjoying his evasive answers, though as a shinobi she was used to not getting straight answers. Still annoyed the hell out of her.

"Just, the Doctor," he answered with the same gleeful expression.

She was unconvinced. "THE Doctor?" she said, quirking both eyebrows at him. Codename, possibly.

"Yup," he answered, popping the 'p' with great enthusiasm, "THE Doctor. The only one, the genuine, Doctor."

"Right," she muttered, "Whatever, you're in a forest in the middle outside of Konoha, in a bit of…situation. How could you not know that? Are a civilian? If you are, you should get out of here as fast as possible!"

"Konoha, never heard of it…" he muttered, "Why should I go? Is the 'situation' dangerous?"

"You're on hostile grounds!" she nearly shouted.

"Hostile?" he repeated, "Why hostile? What's hostile?"

"That!" she cried, pointing at something behind him. He wheeled around to catch sight of a large burly man forming odd signs with his hands. Suddenly, the earth rumbled and crumbled beneath his feet. A slab of earth erupted from the ground and towered over them like some sort of tidal wave.

"What?" the Doctor cried, watching the scene in amazement, "What?" He eyes fell on the blue box as it started to sink into the crumbling earth. "No no no no NO!" He started to run towards, and the Kushina clone panicked. She reached out and grabbed the tail end of this coat and pulled him back.

"Don't be stupid!" she yelled angrily, "You'll be killed!"

"No, you don't understand!" he said, trying to yank his coat loose from her iron grip, "That's my ship! I can't let it—"

She tugged harder and the Doctor flew backwards away from the disappearing blue box. He whirled around, angrily, towards the girl, but could hardly get a word in when a large slab of earth collided with her head. The Doctor momentarily forgot about his box, and stared, mouth agape in horror, at the scene, but was given even more shock when the girl merely poofed away in a small could of smoke


"Over here!"

The Doctor turned around to the voice, which was, he recognized with utter amazement, was the same as the girl who had just disappeared. And so it was: Kushina was on top of the boulder, beckoning to him impatiently. "Come on!"

The Doctor ran towards her without a second thought, scrambling as the ground was now turn to dust beneath him. He grabbed her hands, and she pulled him up easily, as if he weighed very little. He had no time to comment as she put an arm around his waist and jumped high into the sky as the tidal wave earth crashed onto the boulder. The Doctor watched, speechless (for once), as they rose dozens of feet into the air, cold wind rushing past him and his coat fluttering wildly. He glanced at the girl, with her long wild red hair and determined face. Finally, they landed on a tree top, though they didn't stay long as she hopped down onto a lower branch, and then started to spring from branch to branch away from the chaos. When they were a safe distance away, she landed on the ground and threw him down unceremoniously.

The Doctor took a moment to regain his composure and settle his stomach, all the while keeping an eye on his young savior who was leaning against a tree, trying to catch her breath.

"Wha…" he began, "What was that?"

"A shinobi from Iwa," she answered, biting her lips nervously, "An earth-style technique. I think we've lost him."

"Did that man do that?" he asked, in disbelief.

"Obviously," she replied with an exasperated sigh.

"Obviously?" he repeated with a bit of frustration. The Doctor reached over and tapped on her forehead protector. "You're not human, are you?" He reached into his coat pocket for something.

"Of course I am!" she said hotly, taking step away from him, "Geez, you country rube! If you've never seen a shinobi before, don't make it too obvious!"

"Oi, watch it!" he warned, still fumbling around in his pocket "Rube? Rude much? Rude and ginger, I see, not unlike someone I used to know! Now, I've never seen a human jump 20 feet in the air without help or create an earthquake with his hand, so you can't be just humans." He paused, and then said, frowning, "Well, not on Earth. I'm definitely not an Earth, am I?"

"Earth?" she said, incredulously, "What, are you from a different planet or something?"

"Yes, I am," he answered, offhandedly, "AH! Here we go!" He pulled out an odd, pen-like instrument from his pocket.

She narrowed her eyes and then scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Right—what are you doing!" The Doctor held his odd little silver pen instrument to her eyes, which now made a strange humming noise and lit up blue at one end. He moved it all around and up and down, as if scanning her. When he came to her stomach, he paused momentarily, and Kushina froze immediately, her jaws clamping, hoping that pause was just accidental, not meaningful at all. He gave her just the briefest of a questioning glance, before he retracted the instrument and said, jovially, "Right! Done!"

"What was that?" she asked weakly.

"Sonic screwdriver," he answered, offering no further explanation as he started scanning the environment with it. "And nope, not human, well not exactly human. Well, a branch, very very close still, of course. Still look human, for the most part."

"What are you talking about? And stop that, it makes too much noise! They'll be able to track us if you keep doing that!"

The Doctor turned to look at her, curiously, "Who's they?"

"The enemy," she answered, "I told you we're on hostile grounds."

"Enemy?" the Doctor mumbled, ruffling his hair "Is it? Never a shortage of those. So what exactly is the situation here, uh—oh, how rude of me, never asked your name! What is your name?"

She hesitated briefly before she told him, "Kushina."

"Wonderful name," he said with a broad, amused grin, "Kushina. Rolls nicely off this tongue! Kushina! So, what is the situation here, huh? Attacked by a man who creates stone tidal waves? A little ginger girl hopping around like a monkey? Having dopplegangers that poof into smoke? Hm?"

"What's ginger?" she asked distractedly. She had been so curious about the word that she had let him slide for likening her to a monkey.

"Red hair," he answered, motioning to her hair, "Color, usage…you know, from…where I usually… frequent. Anyways, go on."

"Okay. We're in the middle of struggle with the Stone Village. They started it, but we want to keep this from blowing up into a real war, you see." She stopped abruptly, frowning at the image of the Doctor listening intently. "Why am I telling you this? I shouldn't be telling you this. You could be a spy for all I know!"

"Nope!" exclaimed the Doctor, throwing his hands up a little, "Not spy. I told you, alien, peaceful, what was it you humans always say…OH! 'I come in peace.'"

"You're mad," she decided, after a brief moment of staring at him like he was the oddest person she's ever laid eyes on. She nodded her head and crossed her arms, "But you're right, not a spy—a spy would have more believable, less mental cover story!"

"Thanks," he returned cheekily, "So, Leaf and Stone village are at war, or about to be at war—mind you, not the most creative names are they?"

Kushina rolled her eyes.

"So, they're in a middle of an almost-war in this forest," the Doctor continued, slipping his hands in his pants pocket. He lowered his head with his eyes set intently on her, and frowned. "So, what is a little thing like you doing here?"

"Lit-little?" she sputtered angrily, "I'm not little! And what do you think I'm doing here? Look at this—" She motioned at her forehead protector, "I'm only a few weeks away from being promoted to jounin, you know!"

"Huh, what is it?" the Doctor murmured, leaning forward to examine the headband, "Hm, shiny, metal alloy. What's that symbol? Looks like a leaf."

She angrily whacked him away and took another step back. "You're really aren't from around here," she mumbled, "It's a forehead protector, and it's the symbol of the Leaf Village."

"Brilliant," he said, almost excitedly, "Something to protect the forehead and protect your brains, and functions also as a show for village pride! Though can't say that would keep you safe in this almost-war."

Kushina rolled her eyes, realizing he hadn't gotten the point of the headband. She let out an exaggerated, irritated sigh. "I'm a shinobi, you dolt! I'm fighting here!"

"Fighting!" he exclaimed incredulously, "What? Shinobi? As in ninja? You? What…am I in medieval Japan?" He looked her up and down and muttered, "Not dressed right…"

"No," she replied, "Never heard of it. I told you, a forest near Leaf."

"Well, that is particular, never heard of Japan? I am not on earth at all then." Frowning, he started to circle Kushina, looking her up and down. "But fighting? You're a child! You're about what, thirteen or fourteen?"

"I'm sixteen!" she corrected irritably, "I'm not a child! I've been at this since was 12 and even younger I've probably seen more than you ever have!"

"Twelve!" he shouted even louder, shaking his head, "No no, not very good, also, that last part, not true—definitely not true. But twelve! Fighting at such an age!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"Yes, shout that at me, why don't you?" he returned dryly.

Her retort was drowned out by loud moaning of the ground beneath them as the earth started to crack open.

"Oh…" the Doctor began a bit anxiously, "Not good. I am sure this is where we start running, am I right?" He looked at Kushina, who was nodding while regarding the cracking earth with wide eyes.

"Oh yeah! Run!"

AN: I believe three more chapters left after this! Please review if you enjoy it/want me continue/don't think this is the stupidest crossover idea.