Working title: Why we can't hate Dr McDreamy
Derek has amnesia after calling Mer a whore and ignores his wife now. He prefers flirting with Dr Grey. Funny. Very, very funny. Seriously. Sometimes a little angsty, but more in the usual MerDer way. I'm hardly dealing with the seriousness of a concussion and I sure as hell can't promise any of my medical things are correct. If you want a really great hyper-angsty fic that deals with that, I highly recommend 'Lightning strikes twice'.
Rating: T, because there will be sex. I mean, they're Mer and Der. How are they supposed to not have sex? And the others are horny, too. It's not my fault sex is all they ever think about.
Pairings: MerDer mostly, but also Dizzie, MarkZoe and tons of Addex, with a very small touch of O'Callie and Bang. Mentioning Lexzie, Addek and Maddison.
General stuff: Flashbacks are in italics. Also in italics: special emphasis. Sometimes I write a summary for the following chapters and I ramble a lot.
Disclaimer: Of course I own Grey's. I'm the reason this freaking TV Show is that brilliant. And I also own McDreamy, Alex and McSteamy, which is why I just had a really hot shower with all three of them. Jealous? Hell, I wish I could say you got a reason to, but I don't own Grey's and I don't have hot showers with McDreamy, Alex and McSteamy. It's sad. Really. At least I own my OC, Zoe. That's a start, right? I think I'll just go from there.
Warning! This was supposed to be a simple little fanfic thingy and kind of expanded. I have absolutely no control over it. Right now it counts about 171 pages and I'm not even half done. So if you start reading, be aware of the fact that you won't stop for a very long time.
A/N: Yes, this is my long-promised epic. I started writing this when season 3 was on TV, so it was a while back. If I wrote it now, I'd have to change several pairings, because I'm a big fan of Mark/Lexie and Owen/Cristina now. But this will have to do. This is the story that has all my heart and soul, so… Well, it's certainly my longest and the one I spent the most time with. I hope you like it.
Addex fans, don't be scared away by the MerDer, MerDer fans, don't be scared away by the Addex. Also, the prologue? A lot more serious than most of the other chapters. Don't be scared away by that either. But it's not all just fun and fluff. Whatever. Just read. It's a good story. :)
Original A/N: I was writing on "Before any of the rest of it" when this little idea popped into my mind and when I started writing I couldn't stop. Most of it was created during class, but the teachers are already used to me not paying attention, so I didn't get into trouble. I personally think it's great, there are some good ideas in it and of course it's very funny. We got a very pissed Mer, a friendly Addison, everybody else and a hot and flirty Der who keeps hitting on Mer. Seriously, it can't get much better than this. I mean, it's MerDer. And it's funny. And the other characters are fun, too, and we have some other couples towards the end. Oh, and in my fanfic – which takes place directly after 'Damage Case' – there is no crazy person who goes and shoots people, so Burke doesn't get shot. Plus, Denny gets the heart without Izzie having to cut the LVAD vire. And – just in case you wonder – he'll survive. I could never kill Denny in one of my funny fanfictions. Actually I couldn't kill him at all. So this will contain some Dizzie. And pretty full-blown Addex at the end, because I really love them. Also there will be a new character, Zoe, introduced and Mark will show up (because I couldn't imagine Grey's without that manwhore extraordinaire and his inappropriate comments), so we'll have another hook-up. Enough with the rambling. HAVE FUN, ENJOY AND REVIEW!
Prologue – You don't get to call me a whore
I was having a bad day. Actually I'd thought this would be a good day. It had started out pretty well. This morning had been fun. Having Dr Callie Torres, the Ortho-resident, walking into the bathroom with only panties on, then peeing and then walking out again had been amusing. Especially Izzie's reaction.
"Ew! She didn't even wash her hands!"
What had actually been good about it, was the fact that George had managed to get himself a really great girl who'd hopefully make him feel good enough to finally get over this horrible thing that had happened between us. I was kind of proud of him.
When I'd tried talking to Derek in the morning, things hadn't been so good anymore. I had been doing my best ignoring our kind of painful, really horribly awkward encounter at Finn's place, you know, the one when I'd been practically half-naked, wet-haired and in Finn's shirt. I had hoped he could look past it, so I did what I usually did, talked to him the way I always talked to him these days. We were friends, after all, and he had no right to hate me for taking a shower in our vet's apartment His cold response, his entire behavior towards me the rest of the morning had quickly shaken me out of my most happy place of denial.
Him yelling at me for losing my patient, who had wandered off to watch the surgery the others did on that pregnant woman he'd crashed into, then completely ignoring me while explaining things to Marshall (that was the name of the guy) had been the last straw. I needed to talk to him.
I hurried after him as soon as he'd exited the room and caught up with him in the stairwell.
"I never should have told you about George!", I exclaimed, referring to the fact that I'd slept with one of my best friends and had been stupid enough to talk to the ex about it. He turned around, giving me another cold glance.
"No, it's fine. I'm glad I know. About him. And the vet. You really get around."
While talking, he mostly didn't even bother looking at me, he was busy checking things in his blackberry. Still, or maybe especially because of that, the words stung. He'd practically called me a whore.
"What did you just say to me?", I asked, now seriously pissed, going upstairs to him. I couldn't believe this. He wasn't seriously acting like this, was he?
"It's unforgivable.", he added, now finally putting the blackberry in his pocket.
"I don't remember ever asking you to forgive me.", I stated, finally having caught up with him, ignoring that my eyes felt as if they were full of salty water once again. I didn't even know what kind of tears they were. I was hurt, a lot. But I was also angry and frustrated. Mostly angry. No, actually as angry as hurt. And I was hurt a lot.
"So was the knitting a phase?", he went on, "Who's next? Alex? Because I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common."
I hated him for the look he was giving me now. He actually seemed triumphant about his last statement, as if he thought he had a point. Now, he'd really called me a whore. Yeah, right now, at that moment in time, I hated him. I hated him for all the crap he'd ever done to me. I hated him for not letting me go, even though he'd officially done that almost a year ago. I hated him, because I wanted to move on so bad it made me knit a sweater and he just wouldn't let me.
He was about to turn around and walk away, when I roughly grabbed his arm and made him face me. I had to say them. The words that were eating me up alive inside. My voice was shaking, in both, anger and pain, but I said them.
"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the guys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done."
It felt good. Throwing all that stuff at him, everything I hated him for, or at least tried to hate him for, making him listen to it, making him realize he'd actually hurt me felt good. Then again, it broke me all over again. I voiced it. For the first time I said it out loud. That I had considered him the love of my life. And that it was his fault I was so broken at least trying to fix myself had taken a year.
"You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore.", I ended my speech. My eyes were more than just wet, but at least I didn't have tears running down my cheeks. That would kind of take the anger out of everything I had said. And I was angry. As angry as I was hurt. I was hurt a lot. So much, it made it hard to breathe.
For a moment he actually looked hurt. He looked as if he wanted to mend things between us. He looked as if he wanted to cry. Only for a brief moment. When it had passed, the stone wall was back. There had been a time when there was no such thing as any kind of barrier between us. Yeah, once upon a time. I watched him swallow, then nod to himself, looking down first, then back at me.
"This thing with us is finished. It's over."
Looking into the eyes I had loved so much while he was saying that broke me all over again.
"Finally.", I said. All my heart was on that one word. Shattered, but grateful. Had it really taken us a year after he'd broken up with me to end it for good? The constant heart-ache, the hope that was followed closely by more pain, it was done now? Finally. Finally I could move on. Finally, I was over him. Finally, I didn't feel as if I had to wait for him. Finally, I was free again, free to do whatever I wanted with my life. Finally. Yet, somehow it tasted bitter.
"Yeah, it's done.", he said, turning around to walk up the rest of the stairs.
"It is done.", I repeated.
There was nothing more I could do than to watch the person I'd considered the love of my life walk away. I stood there for a moment, fighting with myself. I didn't want to cry. I refused to cry. Yet, when I felt okay enough to descend the stairs again, I exhaled a shuddering breath, while drawing my hair back, running it out of my face with my hand. My pace quickened until I reached an empty on-call room. I yanked the door open, pulled it shut behind me, locked it, and then, when I was finally alone in the dark, knowing noone would see me, noone would find me here, then I broke down and cried.
The last time I had felt this bad and actually let it go, had been about my mother. I had freaked out about her maybe dying alone. Worse was, that I hadn't been alone with my pain that day, not like I was now. Derek had followed me into that linen closet back then, even though he'd had no right to do that, since we'd already been apart for a while. But somehow, for some sick and twisted reason Karma seemed to have come up with, he'd been there and he'd told me I was going to be okay. I'd been hyperventilating, half-sobbing, and the only thing that had managed to calm me back down had been holding his hand. Laying my head on his shoulder, actually sharing intimate physical contact for the first (and only) time since he'd chosen his wife over me. Emotionally close. We'd been emotionally close in that closet. Now, he wasn't going to follow me in here. He wouldn't hold me until things seemed a little better this time. And without him there to mend me, I was alone with everything I'd refused to acknowledge. The frustration. The disappointment. The pain. The knowledge that there wasn't anything I could do. The anger. Mostly anger. I was full of anger.
"You can't just abandon her!", I'd yelled in that OR, watching Bonnie die. I had been Bonnie. I had died that day. Me and her, we hadn't had a chance.
I cried the tears that I hadn't really been able to shed when Derek had broken up with me. I'd always bit them back. They had been there, yes, but I'd always told myself he wasn't worth shedding tears over. That I'd just been stupid, believing this thing we'd had had actually meant something. That I was stronger than that. Now, that things were ultimately over between us, that the last pathetic shred of hope I'd been foolish enough to still have kept in my heart was gone, now I couldn't help but think to myself I finally had a right to let them go. Get them out of my system, get him out of my system so I could start again.
I was hurt. I was broken. I was angry.
Yes, if something happened again, something that could possibly maybe make me fall for him again, I wouldn't forgive him. I'd do my best at least telling myself I was better than that. There was no chance in hell he'd be given another shot.
After ten minutes I was ready to go back to work. I left the dark room behind.
Not that he wanted a new chance.