Just a sudden idea that came up into my mind, and I knew I always wanted to write a story in a perspective like this. :)
D I S P E R S I O N
Do you remember?
Do you remember the first day I met you?
I almost remember it so clearly that even in the dead of this winter, it seems so fresh, so sweet, so refreshing.
It's so sweet, Sasuke-kun, that it burns my tongue bitter with its sweetness.
I know I sounded silly back then, but I really believed it. I really believed that from the first day I talked to you, you were perfect.
It was as if you were put on this Earth just to save me.
I was so, so damn selfish.
At the time, you seemed to be the only person who cared in this entire world. My mother had committed a runaway and my father had shot himself in the head.
I was so, so alone.
We were just walking on the overbridge from our train station. Did you ever really notice me? I know I woke up every single morning ready to see you.
You were interesting.
In reality, you were nothing but a stranger… and despite that, something about you made you special.
Maybe it was about that saving me part.
I never really had the stomach to talk to you, however, on that frosty morning (it was actually a summer morning and it was bright as all bright could be, but I still felt so cold) you talked to me at the most perfect time.
You were so, so perfect.
You told me that I looked upset and deader than all of the other mornings. I ignored the happiness I would've normally felt at revealing that you observed me too because I was too caught up in my bitterness. I thought I always felt dead. Maybe it only hit me now.
I looked at you and gave you the best smile I could muster.
I'm sorry if I was so pathetic, Sasuke-kun. You always liked strong girls.
But you didn't reject me.
You just said, "everything will be fine."
Why did you have to lie?
More problems arose and I found myself talking to you more and more each day.
Because my parents were long past existence in my life, I only had my brother left in my family. He was suffering from Schizophrenia and in a mental hospital. But since I was the only one left, I couldn't support him.
It was true that I was ten years younger than him and far too young to pay the price of what was being left behind, but I still felt horrible.
I talked to you about it.
I'm sorry for being so selfish, Sasuke-kun. I should've considered whether or not you wanted to listen to the trash I had to say. I should've stayed by myself, on my own.
But you didn't let me do that.
You told me to come with you, and you brought me to a small, quiet park that made my traumatic life seem calm.
You cradled me in my arms.
I asked you why you were doing this, I was just a stranger.
You said, "it looked like you needed saving."
For some reason, I had always felt that it wasn't right that way.
As days went by, you healed my emptiness.
I began to depend on you beyond rationale, but it didn't matter.
You were so, so perfect.
We were such close friends now. I began to know every part of you. The messiness of your black hair every morning that you somehow made to become a masterpiece. The blue circles beneath your eyes. The softness of your pale skin. The frigidness of your very being.
All of it made you what you were, and I was so, so happy to know you were in my life.
Blinded by happiness.
You didn't have many people in your life but I knew you didn't need many. I admired you so much. You had been through things that could come into comparison of mine, and you still held so strongly. Your intelligence and knowledge was what I loved to hear from every day. I loved to hear your stories, your worth and your richness.
I just… loved talking to you.
I had grown so dependent on you that I knew if you ever left, I didn't know what would happen afterwards.
I made you clasp your hand upon mine and promise you'd never leave me.
I'm so sorry.
I knew you'd break it…
I think I love you, Sasuke-kun.
Everything about you makes my day brighter. I love being with you. I love what I am when I'm with you. I feel like that I can look into the mirror for once and feel that I'm beautiful instead of the beaten, broken and bleeding girl.
Do you love me, Sasuke-kun?
Inside, I know you don't. I know I'll never ever be good enough for you. I just want you to be happy. I just want you to grow and show the world how amazing you are.
You never really show that much emotion apart from the moments when you comfort me so brilliantly. Maybe your lack of emotion was a curse upon me, because at said moments when you did open up, it brought me hope.
Hope that one day, you'd love me like I loved you.
Why did you do this to me?
It was another morning, and it should've been the same as any other. It should've been just you and me walking on that overbridge.
But it wasn't.
You brought a… girl with you.
You said you knew her for many months before.
You knew her for many months before and you didn't tell me?
I don't want to sound jealous, Sasuke-kun, but I thought you trusted me enough as a friend to tell me what was happening in your life.
You looked so happy with her.
Your hair wasn't messy anymore. Your skin wasn't a tired pale; it shone with a new brightness. You didn't have blue circles under your eyes. Your body was loose, casual, free.
Who were you?
It broke me inside, Sasuke-kun. It really, really did.
I could feel the promise that you made me shattering into pieces. I wish that wasn't the only thing that I felt shattering, because I would've preferred that over the way I broke.
I broke in such a way, Sasuke-kun, that I couldn't feel anything anymore. My body just numbed. Everything closed in.
My lips turned cold and my jaws were shut tight. When you introduced me to her, I only barely whispered out a greeting and managed a smile. It was just like the day you met me.
A new beginning.
Why does it feel like an ending?
But it's okay… it's okay…
It's okay, Sasuke-kun.
Everything will be fine.
The next time we met, you asked me why I was avoiding you.
It had been a month. But it's just a month, right, Sasuke-kun? I'm sure that girl of yours would've occupied your time easily.
I just pulled off another smile and told you I didn't know what you were talking about. I knew what you were talking about, but to be honest, I didn't want to discuss it at all.
I was sorry for being selfish.
I loved you because I wanted you to be happy, not so you could love me back.
And though inside the truth is I'll never grow to believe that since I've always wanted to feel the triumph and power of requited love, I'll force myself to believe it.
So I pinched your cheeks and called you cute; creating my false bravado of cheeriness. Your skin was still soft under my fingers, and the light shone in your onyx gems, but I knew you were never to be mine.
You scowled as usual and called me annoying, but nothing would break my pretence now. I asked you what was happening with that girl.
It was then that you turned to me, cautious, reluctant.
You said you were going to ask her to marry you.
I'm sorry for the way I reacted.
I shouldn't have ran away.
But I couldn't help it, Sasuke-kun. I'm glad you caught up to me, though, so we could finally face the problem.
You asked me what was wrong with me, and your voice had found a new agitated tone.
My own fury spiked in my stomach. I was frustrated at you asking me that. Didn't you know, Sasuke-kun? Didn't you know?
Everything went out like loose cannons and pulled triggers after that. I exploded at you with my bottling truths. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told you I loved you. I screamed at you, asking you why you didn't tell me.
Why you didn't tell me that you loved her.
You stood still, frozen. You didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry," was all you came up with.
I shook my head, the poison quenching inside of me. "No, you aren't."
You weren't, Sasuke-kun.
I know the look in your eyes were silently questioning why so much of this mattered, and I felt the urge to glare at you. Why didn't you know?
"I thought I was your friend, Sasuke."
Aren't I, Sasuke?
You seemed to falter at my lack of an honorific, but I knew that this was an event horizon. From this point, we would keep falling in a downward spiral.
You almost seemed desperate. "Everything will be fine," you murmured with the calm tone you always used.
The calm tone that would always provide me with solace… but not anymore.
"Not this time."
The tears leaked from my eyes before I could turn around and walk away from you. There was a quick flash of pain in your expression, however that didn't matter anymore. I had to just get away from you.
It won't be fine, Sasuke-kun.
Not this time.
In only a matter of days did you appear at my door, knocking silently, but firmly.
You appeared in front of me with an expression on your face that I had never seen before. It actually seemed like you were truly sorry.
"I want to fix this," you said in a tone that was so sure. I didn't know how you were so sure. I never could have been in such a situation.
I just stared at you helplessly and let you into my house. We sat opposite of each other in my small living room. I avoided your gaze, but as you began talking, you held my eyes.
"I'm sorry," you began, and I know you wanted to say more, but I didn't want to hear it.
I grimaced as you interrupted me.
"Yes, I am. I am sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I can't say I can change them."
I felt the tears prickling at the edges of my eyes again. "Why?"
You graced the cup of coffee in your hand and sipped comfortably. "If things were different," you said, your eyes so piercing now, "maybe we could be different." You leaned over and touched my hand. It was like that day I told you to make me a promise, but it wasn't as far as innocent or soft anymore.
"But things aren't different," I whispered, sinking deeper into my pain that was akin to quicksand.
You still held my hand, but I felt your hold on me loosen.
You used to shine so bright, Sasuke-kun, and now I felt you fade away.
You swallowed. "I do not love you."
Your words echoed in my mind, a deafening hammering. I swear I heard it repeat a thousand times at that moment. I swear that it took more than those a thousand times for me to comprehend it.
I swear, that at that moment, I changed.
A heartbreaking and glass-shattering smile grasped my lips. I blinked away my tears, and held your one hand with both of mine. I lightly squeezed your fingers, and even though at that time it was still of falseness, I knew I would get better.
"Thank you," I said.
Thank you, Sasuke-kun…
You stared at me with unfathomable emotions in your eyes for the next few seconds, but before I knew it, you were gone.
Can you believe it, Sasuke-kun?
I'm at your wedding.
We've become close friends again, and though we both acknowledge that some scars won't heal, we know that we'll try to make it better again.
I know that I'll still love you, and on some days, it kills me more than anything. On some days, it kills me more than the ringing of the phone on the day my father shot himself in the head. On some days, it kills me more than the opening of my home door to discover my mother was gone. On some days, it kills me more than staring through the psychiatric doors to my brother.
But on most days, I stay strong, I stay resilient, I stay beautiful.
You and your wife had asked me to cast the toast at your wedding. I knew the exact speech to make. Your wife, I had gotten to know, was a wonderful girl. I still felt tinges of jealousy, but I knew that if you had chosen her, she would be right.
I was now standing at my table, addressing everyone, addressing you, Sasuke-kun, and your new wife. You both stared at me with pure happiness in your eyes, and your hands were interlocked.
"Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura," I spoke, softly, confidently. "To everyone they would seem like the perfect couple, but they are more than that. I only know one part of the couple, being Sasuke of course; however within knowing him for so many years, I was certain that Sakura would be just as amazing."
The crowd smiled and gushed at my comment.
"Sasuke was always there for me, and I knew that when I pictured it, he would one day be here as it is now. He would be such strong man excelling in everything I knew he could," I started crying again, but you and I both knew that everyone else believed it was just tears of happiness.
"I am so happy you found someone, Sasuke," I smiled, a true one for once in so many years. I was so happy for you. I really was. "I love you, Sasuke—" my voice cracked, and your expression faltered, "—as a brother. Just like the family I should've had."
Everyone clapped in unison. I was sitting down again, and everything was rolling like clockwork. Suddenly everything wasn't so frozen in time and the guilt was no longer lingering in my stomach. There was no more sadness and anguish.
And when I looked at you again, Sasuke, smiling and kissing tenderly your wife that you now knew as Uchiha Sakura, I finally realised that I was brought here to save you.
E N D
So... who guessed it?
Reviews are very much appreciated! :)