A/N: I know, I know. I already have two stories on the go but I couldn't pass up this challenge, especially considering this story idea had been running around my head for months.

Here's my only disclaimer! I own nothing but the plot! And thanks to my Beta Magic's My Muse.

The challenge is from TheElegantFaerie to write a BTVS/SPN crossover with Buffy & Castiel as the pairing, but those of you who have read one of my stories before will know I like to take the long twisty road to my outcomes! And all the chapter titles are from songs. This one if The Pretty Reckless. Let's get to it!

Chapter 1 – Nothing Left To Lose.

Buffy couldn't keep the gasp inside her as her body snapped into a sitting position on her bed. Her eyes darted around wildly as she tried to remember where she was. She'd barely regained awareness when Xander burst into the room.

"You okay Buff?" She could see his eye sweep the room for an intruder. She must've been screaming again.

Rubbing a shaking hand over her face she looked up at him, "I'm fine," she said hoarsely, "Just a dream."

"Dreams don't make you scream," he refuted before perching next to her and pulling her hand from her face.

"It was Dean, Xand. They're torturing him and there's nothing I can do but watch. I have never felt so helpless in my life. What use is all this power if I can't use it," she whispered looking out her window.

Sighing he stood from the bed, "Is that what all these nightmares have been about? Why would he be being tortured Buff? What didn't you tell me?"

"He's in hell," Buffy told him, not breaking eye contact this time.

Xanders forehead scrunched up, "What? How?"

Taking a deep breath, Buffy walked over to sit by the window, "That's why I came back. You remember when Sammy died, and then he wasn't dead? Dean made a deal."

"What an idiot."

She fixed him with a harsh glare, "How is he an idiot? I would've done the same, heck, I have done the same. Are you saying you wouldn't give yourself to save me or Willow, cos I know I sure as hell would do it all over again. It's what family does. They save each other."

He paused to think of the best response without angering the slayer further, "I thought you got given 10 years?"

Buffy laughed bitterly, "Oh you do, but the Winchesters are hot property."

"So you were there when they came for him?"

She couldn't find any words to speak so she settled for nodding, her eyes filling with tears. Her mind skipping back to that fateful day.


"I'm sorry, Dean. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy." Ruby told Dean, a frown marring her face.

They all glanced behind as they heard howling. Looking over at Dean, Buffy saw his face drop before glancing at Sam, his expression was something akin to panic. They were here.

"Hellhound," Dean whispered in shock. No matter how much he'd tried to prepare for this moment, he wasn't ready. He didn't want to die

"Where?" Sam asked softly.

"There," Buffy replied pointing about a foot down the hallway. She noticed the condensation from its breath on the wood moving closer. Grabbing Dean she pulled him into the nearest room. Once they were all in Ruby slammed the door in the hellhounds face. Not even pausing, Dean pulled a bag of goofer dust and ran over to the door Ruby and Sam were now holding closed, he began pouring the dust across the doorway before also placing it on all windowsills.

Ruby suddenly turned to Sam, "Give me the knife, maybe I can fight it off."

Buffy was suddenly on edge, she could see Sam was confused as well. "What?" he asked.

Ruby sighed before holding her hand out, "Come on! That dust won't last forever!"

Dean turned to them, "WAIT!" Both Buffy and Sam turned to stare at him.

"You wanna die?" Ruby snarled.

Dean's face became alarmed, "Sam, that's not Ruby," Buffy turned to Ruby in horror, taking a fighting stance, "It's not Ruby!"

Suddenly Ruby had both Sam and Dean against the walls, seemingly she'd forgotten about Buffy who was frozen behind her.

"How long have you been in her?" Dean grunted, trying to hold his head off of the wall.

Suddenly Ruby's face turned childish, and Buffy realised in the horror reflected on Sam and Dean's face that it was Lilith, how were they going to get out of this now.

"Not long, but I like it. It's all grown up and pretty," she said rubbing her hands over her jeans. Looking up at Dean her eyes turned white. Taking advantage of the distraction, Buffy crept over to where the knife had been dropped.

"Where's Ruby?" Sam asked, realising what Buffy was trying to do.

"She was a very bad girl, so I sent her far, far away." She began to tilt her neck.

"You know, I should have seen it before... but you all look alike to me." Dean frowned.

Suddenly she turns to Sam, "Hello Sam, I've wanted to meet you for a very long time." Leaning forward she kissed him, "Your lips are so soft."

Pulling his head away, Sam snarled, "Right so you have me. Let my brother go."

"Silly goose-" Lilith didn't get to finish her sentence as Buffy stabbed her shoulder with the knife. Unfortunately she managed to get it out before it killed her and shoved Buffy against the wall by her neck.

"Ah, I forgot about you. The slayer… what to do with you?" she whispered before sniffing Buffy's neck and pulling back sharply, "Well aren't you complicated. Touched by heaven but chock full of demon."

Buffy made a point of not looking at Dean, she'd never told him the results of Tara's magical blood test. She saw Lilith's grin grow as she realised that it was a secret. "I may just keep you around. Now. Sleep." She bashed Buffy's head against the wall and dropped her before walking over to the door.

"Sick 'em boys," she says in delight as she pulls the door open.

As the hellhounds entered, Buffy awoke and watched in frozen horror as Dean was pulled from the wall and across the floor by the hounds. The brain not registering Sam's pleads for Lilith to stop or Lilith's sick laughter. She just watched as the hounds tore into his stomach before turning him over and ripping apart his back, arms and legs. She starts to cry as Dean struggled for his last breaths.

"Nooo!" She heard Sam scream suddenly, breaking right though the mental barrier she'd placed around herself.

"Yes!" Lilith whispers menacingly to him. Buffy began to panic as Lilith held out her hand at Sam, a bright light filling the whole room. She watched in shock as the light decreased and Lilith's eyes flicked back to normal, confusion and shock filling her face. Suddenly Sam is on his feet in front of her holding the knife.

"Back," Lilith said, panic evident in her voice. But Sam just keeps coming."I said, back!"

"I don't think so," Sam said as he pulled back his arm to strike her, but before he got the chance, Lilith fled Ruby's body in a cloud of black dust.

As soon as she was gone, Buffy and Sam looked at each other before they both ran over to Dean. With his head in Sam's lap and his hand in Buffy's they both couldn't hold in the sobs that wracked their bodies.

"No." whispered Sam.


When Buffy came out of the memory, she noticed Xander had already left. She was glad he had, she couldn't bear him seeing her so weak. Not now that they'd removed the spell from over half the potentials and she had the gauntlet of leader back on her neck. She needed to be strong. Dean was gone. She needed to move on. No, what she needed was space. She needed to get away. He'd been gone for 4 months now and she'd only heard from Sam twice since.

Five minutes later she was in Willows room.

"I need a favour Will."

Smiling serenely Willow patted for Buffy to sit on her bed, "Is this about Dean?"

Buffy was shocked, "How did you-? Xander?" she asked sighing.

Wills smile turned sad, "Yeah, he figured you may pop by. You wanna find Sam? Already done."

She hugged her witchy best friend, "Thank you Will, thank you!" She gushed as Willow passed her a map with a burn mark.

"Pontiac Illinois?" Buffy asked confused, "I thought you said you looked for Sam?"

"I did, is something wrong Buff?" Willow asked worried.

"I don't know. It's just, Dean was buried near there…Maybe he's just visiting or something," she tried to convince herself, she hoped Sam hadn't done something drastic.

After a few minutes Willow interrupted her thoughts, "So when are you leaving?"

"Now. Hey, think you can get a street address while I pack some things?"

"Also already done," Willow told her, smiling.

Laughing Buffy grabbed her for another hug, "Have I ever told you I love you?"

"Ah, I can stand to hear it a few more times," Willow replied flippantly.

Smiling Buffy grabbed the second slip from Willow and ran back to her room. Throwing on some skinny jeans, boots, a vest and cardigan, she began to throw as many weapons and clothes into a duffle bag as she could. With the slip of paper scrunched tightly in her hand she carried her belongings out to her car before turning and saying goodbye to Willow and Xander.

"Ring us if anything happens, we'll be there in a heartbeat," Xander assured her.

Buffy just laughed before climbing into her car and driving out of the compound. Looking at the paper she whispered, "Room 207 Astoria Hotel Pontiac, Illinois here I come."