A Long and Painful Realization

A Jane & Lisbon Story

By Brown Eyes Parker

Summary:

To protect her from Red John, Jane sends Lisbon – against her will – to hideout with Hightower. Once separated, they learn things about themselves they never thought that they would learn. Inspired by Sarah McLachlan's album "Afterglow".

Author's Note:

I've become quite a Sarah McLachlan fan over the past year. Her lyrics are SO awesome, and her voice is so pure. She doesn't need all of the synthesization, and instruments to sound good. I've heard her live, and she's just as good that way as she is on her CD. I will probably be basing each chapter on a song from "afterglow", almost all the songs are Jane & Lisbon songs.

Dedicated to:

My sister, Hannah. . . when nobody else likes my story, or won't read them, I know I will always be able to count on her to read it, or like it

.

Chapter 1 Dirty Little Secret

If I had the chance love

I would not hesitate to tell you all the things I never said before

Don't tell me it's too late

I've been up all night drinking to drown my sorrow down

But nothing seems to help me since you went away

I'm so tired of this town

Dirty Little Secret_

Jane:

"You don't understand," Jane told her, throwing clothes into her suitcases haphazardly. "You're not safe anymore. You need to go. . . go and stay with Madeline. It'll be better for you if you do."

"I'm a cop," Lisbon replied, diving straight into the same old argument. "It's my job to be in danger."

A rush of anger washed over Jane, and he wanted to shake Lisbon. Didn't she understand? Being a cop didn't mean anything. . . not where Red John was concerned. But he wouldn't lash out on her in anger. Anger wouldn't help anything, it would just make matters worse. . . if he got angry at her, if he yelled at her, or tried to slap sense into her, the conversation would be over. She wouldn't go at all. So, he took a deep, calming breath and tried again. "Please Lisbon. . . if you don't do it for you, do it for the people who care about you. Your brothers, your team. . . Mashburn—"

"What about you?" Lisbon asked. "If anything happened to me, you know you would be out of a job. I'm the only one who can put up with you."

"Do it for me then, but not because I think you're the only person who can put up with me—" He stopped short, not sure of what to say next.

"What about you?" Lisbon asked softly. "Even if I go, Red John will still be here. . . and you won't be safe."

Jane shrugged and threw more clothes into her suitcase. "I'll worry about me later. Besides, somebody told me once that Red John would take away everybody I cared about before he did anything to me—"

Lisbon stopped him as he went to her closet. "Are you saying you care about me?"

"I'm not saying anything," Jane answered. "All I'm saying is that I need to get you out of here. And the sooner I do it, the better."

"What about the rest of the team?" Lisbon asked. "They're not going to go into hiding, are they?"

"Not right now," Jane replied. "Please Teresa, stop stalling and help me pack."

"But I don't even know where I'm going."

"That's not important. You'll find out when you get there."

Lisbon sighed and went over to her overflowing suitcases. She wouldn't argue anymore, she knew that Jane would eventually win. One-by-one, she took out each article of clothing and folded it, and then she neatly placed it into the suitcase. She turned to Jane when she was finished packing. "Are you coming with me?"

"No. . . we best say our goodbyes here," Jane replied. "I got Walter to take you to the airport. He's going to have his pilot fly you out in his private jet."

"Oh."

"Thank you for not arguing with me," he said softly.

Lisbon shrugged. "What time do I have to go?"

Jane checked his watch. "Anytime now."

Lisbon smiled and bit her lip. "I always wondered what saying goodbye to you would feel like."

"This isn't goodbye," Jane replied. "It's just. . . it's just until next time."

They both stared at each other, unsure of what to say next. Lisbon shuffled her feet, and Jane studied his hands.

"Do you remember that hug?" Lisbon finally asked. "The one that you were going to give me a while ago?"

"Sure. . . you know that I remember everything," Jane said lamely.

"Could you give it to me now?"

Jane nodded and put his arms around Lisbon's waist, squeezing her tightly. He buried his face in her hair and memorized her scent, making a memory for later.

Lisbon wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and snuggled her head into his shoulder, she memorized his scent, making a memory for later. "I'll miss you," she whispered into his vest, so low that he couldn't even hear her.

There was a knock on the door, and Jane pulled away first. "That would be Walter. I'll go and get the door."

"Jane. . ." Lisbon said.

"Yes?" Jane asked.

Lisbon faltered and grabbed her laptop case. "Never mind."

Jane nodded and gathered up two of the largest suitcases. "Yeah, never mind."

.

"All ready to go then?" Mashburn asked, removing his sunglasses.

"Yeah, Jane was a big help," Lisbon answered.

"Patrick, buddy. . . leave the bags at the door," Mashburn said. "My chauffer will take care of them. I say the three of us go into the kitchen and toast Teresa. . . and her new beginnings. I have a bottle of my finest champagne."

"Really, that's unnecessary!" Lisbon protested. "I'm not going for long. And alcohol always bothers me before a flight."

"I won't take no for answer," Mashburn said.

"Don't be so pushy Walt," Jane cut in. "We don't have much time anyways. She needs to leave as soon as possible."

"Well then, you can have it all to yourself," Mashburn said, taking the bottle out of his satchel. "To drink your sorrows away when she's gone."

"Thanks. . . I guess." Jane accepted the bottle of champagne. He turned to Lisbon and smiled, but only for her sake. "Until next time."

Lisbon nodded, fighting back a wave of tears that had suddenly threatened to take over her. She choked out, "Until next time."

Jane pulled her into another hug and then gave her, what he thought was, a friendly kiss on the cheek. He followed her out to the parking lot apartment and watched Mashburn help her into the limo, watched the chauffer put her bags into the trunk. And then, he watched as she drove away, waving goodbye to him until she was out of sight.

As soon as she was out of sight, Jane felt an unexpected pang of loneliness in his heart. He looked down at the bottle of champagne in his hand, and turned back to Lisbon's apartment. He would put it away and save it for later. . . he would save it for the day that Lisbon returned. Then they would toast to friendship, and reunions. . . and to happy endings.

.

"You look terrible Patrick," Van Pelt said the next day. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"No. . . no sleep," Jane answered, staring at Lisbon's office from his couch.

"You miss her already, don't you?" She asked sympathetically.

"Who?"

"Lisbon," Van Pelt clarified.

"No," Jane lied. "I don't miss her at all. . . sending her away was the best possible thing for her."

"It's okay to miss her," Van Pelt said. "She's your closest friend—"

"I'm fine, I just didn't get any sleep last night. I'm taking care of Lisbon's apartment for her, and the first night in somebody else's home is always the hardest night of all. I'm sure it'll be fine tonight."

Jane knew that he was lying to Van Pelt, but he couldn't tell her the whole truth. That he had had nightmares about Red John finding Lisbon where she was and killing her. That he had slept in Lisbon's bed, and the smell of her perfume had reminded them how painfully far away they really were. He couldn't tell her that he didn't know how he was going to survive the long, painful months without Lisbon. Because in the seven years that he had known her, somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with her. Somewhere along the way, she had become his reason for living.

TBC. . .