"I have loved you since first I saw you."
Looking back years from present happiness, her mind long free of the weight of the Dark Ones she had once been given to, it was easy to fit the memory of that feeling, the rush at the glance of that dark face under the tombs, into the shape of love. But had it been love, exactly? Something. Something that had made her seek him in the Labyrinth, speak to him, give him water, food, life where before she had given only death. Something that had made her, in her taunting, mocking way, seek his friendship. When she first saw him, she had wanted him not to die. Even when she had wanted to kill him, she had wanted him not to die. He had awoken wonder in her. A secret, frightening, forbidden wonder. Bright, dazzling beauty in the place of sacred darkness. A wizard of the Inner Lands come to Atuan. A dark face, a shared glance. Maybe there was something like beauty in the world. Maybe there was something worth knowing besides death.
She hid these feelings away from herself, denied them. She begged the Nameless Ones for forgiveness and sought to do their will. But she could not. She would not. She would not have the man die. She would not kill him. From the moment that she saw him, she had rebelled against death.