After re-watching the final episode arc of "No Greater Honour" again I felt inspired to write this. Also inspired by the songs Forget to begin by The Hampdens and All for Believing by Missy Higgins.

Nadine and John are such brilliant actors there's so much emotion portrayed just in their facial expressions so even though sometimes not much was said there's a lot going on between Nick and Jen in their minds and you can see it when you watch carefully.

So what was Nick thinking and where was he going when he packed his gun and headed out his front door right before Dane mowed him down with the car? This is my imagining of one way it could have happened and what Nick and Jen might have been thinking and going through up until the final episode Ghosts.

Disclaimer: I do not own City Homicide or it's characters (unfortunately)

This is pure fiction any likeness to real people or events, strange but purely coincidental.

Nick left his house and started walking down the street typing a text to Jen as he did. After she'd left he'd got to thinking and studied his crime board again: who had gained the most out of the whole debacle? And who was still left alive apart from Dane? Just Lombardi and himself: And Lombardi was after his skin! There was only one reason that he could think of that Lombardi would want him silenced so badly because he knew he didn't have anything to do with falsifying the evidence! He wasn't sure who Juliette's anonymous source was but he wasn't going to let Lombardi weasel his way out of this and get away with making him the fall guy while he pretended to be squeaky clean and made Homicide take the blame! He knew Jen wouldn't approve but there was no way he was going down without a fight. Lombardi wasn't going to get away with it he'd make him confess to what he'd done.

Nick felt he had been shown up and discredited as a total failure in everything he'd tried to do right from the start of his career and it had made him question all that he believed in and all that he thought he stood for. Until Dane Majors had happened he'd felt proud of what he did thinking he was good at it. But it turned out he'd put his trust in a liar, supported the wrong man and put an innocent one in jail and if he hadn't been such a fool Juliette would possibly still be alive. He felt he needed to leave police work and try something else. He'd only promised Jen he'd come back to work to appease her, he never could deny her anything she asked of him. Also at the back of his mind was the vain hope that if he resigned maybe, just maybe he and Jen might be able to work things out. She'd been a great friend to him throughout the whole ordeal staying by his side refusing to let him give up. He was grateful for her friendship but he still loved her so much and he didn't think her friendship was enough for him. Every time she was near he had to keep trying not to remember what it felt like to hold her in his arms as he fell asleep at night. He ached for her. Losing her had been the worst thing that had happened to him all year. If they couldn't work things out then maybe he needed to make a fresh start somewhere else? If Nick was the kind of man to truly give up this time was it: he really was at his lowest and it didn't feel like he had very much to live for. But Nick wasn't a quitter. Not really.

He had no reason to suspect Dane was in his car just down the street waiting for him as he tucked his gun into its holster, walked down his front steps and started writing a text to Jen. Her encouragement had kept him going and the kiss she'd given him had given him hope even though he knew he was probably being presumptuous.

Thanks for everything Jen.

Nick came to cold and in great pain. It was dark and wherever he was had the dank smell of vegetation and rotting eucalyptus leaves. The dust in the room made him cough and he groaned. It hurt to breathe and his head was pounding. He wondered where he was. He couldn't hear anyone. He could hear a lot of parrots and kookaburras. He must be in the bush somewhere but where? He strained his ears to listen out for a rare birdcall, anything that might give him a clue. He tried to sit up and realised that his hands were half asleep from being bound with metal chains. He must have lost consciousness again then because the next time he opened his eyes a small stream of light was filtering through the dirty windows. He strained his neck to peer at his wrist but his watch was missing. Gritting his teeth against the pain he twisted and wrenched his hands to see if he could free them but all he managed to do was rub the skin raw. The stinging as well as the pain in his chest made his eyes water. He wriggled his hips but he couldn't feel his gun holster. He realised with shock that whoever had taken him now had his gun as well! He lay back, aching and temporarily defeated. The last thing he remembered was sending a text to Jen as he left his house. His stomach growled he hadn't actually had any dinner before he'd left and he was starving. He didn't know how long he'd been gone and he wondered if anyone had noticed he was missing.

Nick led a fairly solitary life not socialising all that much outside of work. He liked spending his time doing some things that other people might laugh at. He liked bird watching: He enjoyed the contrast of his work on the force with the peace of spending hours in the countryside searching for a rare species and the exhilaration of finding it and photographing it. The only child of older parents he'd learned to be self-sufficient. Tall and gangly and a bit old fashioned, growing up the other kids had considered him a bit of a dipstick. He rode his bike, went running and worked out. Keeping to himself and not used to opening up to people, he kept his feelings hidden most of the time. Then he'd met Jen on an assignment. He hadn't ever really talked in depth to a woman before her but being undercover they'd had a lot of time to talk. At first Jen did most of the talking but he'd slowly opened up to her and told her things he'd never told anyone else. She'd actually thought his love of bird watching was cute which had intrigued him. During their first assignment together he'd repressed his feelings for her and then they'd had to part under oath not to contact each other. Four years later they ended up working in the same department and it just wasn't the done thing to have a relationship with your co-worker. The second time they were thrown back under cover and he'd had to share a bed with her again he couldn't hide how he felt anymore. Sleeping next to her it was impossible not to touch her, the barriers he'd built over the years for himself to repress his love for her were broken down and he hadn't been able to stop himself from telling her how he felt.

He lost track of time lying on the floor chained to a post. There was no one around and no one had entered the room where he lay. He wondered whether he'd just been left here to die of starvation and thirst. The pain had got to a level now where he was just numb to it and couldn't feel anything. He wondered if anyone was looking for him or even if they knew he'd gone missing. Some people might think he'd just done a runner unable to face up to losing his reputation and perhaps his career. But if anyone might have belief in him and be looking for him it would be Jen. They'd been through thick and thin together covering each other's backs and taking care of each other. He called to her in his mind with all his might praying that she might through some miracle hear his voice.