The Towers Sang & You Cried.
Disclaimer: Not. Freaking. Mine. Stop rubbing it in.
Author's Note: Okay, so I know this has been done a million times by a million different people who have done it wonderfully so I'm a little bit worried about tackling it but it's just been running around and around in my head and wont go away so I have to write it. Hope y'all enjoy…
"The last time I saw you- the real you, the future you, I mean- you turned up on my doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to Darillium to see the singing towers. What a night that was. The towers sang and you cried. You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time. My time. Time to come to the Library. You even gave me your screwdriver."-River Song.
He couldn't do it. He stood there looking at her and he just simply didn't think he could do it. How do you say goodbye? The look on her face, the confusion she felt at why he was acting so strangely was more than he could stand. He had to do it, he knew he did but he kept putting it off. One more detour, one more stalling tactic then the towers- the goodbye. It was only the look of happiness on her face, the love in her eyes when she'd spoken about that night, that made him go through with it. How could he deny her this one last happy memory?
"Where are we going then?" She asked happily, hanging off his arm as he piloted the TARDIS.
"Darillium. Singing Towers. You're going to have the night of your life Professor Song." He grinned and tried to hide the pain in his eyes. His new shoes dug uncomfortably into his heels and his collar scratched angrily at his neck. This was how it had to be. This was goodbye, whether he liked it or not.
As they stepped out of the TARDIS her face lit up with excitement. That was one of the many things he loved about her- that no matter how much she saw she never lost that sense of wonder and adventure. This would be their last adventure together and that thought almost made him cry before they'd even sat down but instead he grabbed her hand and ran through the crowds with her to get a good spot to spread their picnic blanket and sit and watch the towers sing. In the thrill of the run, the sound of her laughter surrounding him as they did he almost forgot what today was… almost.
He lay back on the grass as the sun set around him and River lay across him, her arms wrapped around him and her head on his chest. He closed his eyes and tried to memorise it, this one last time. But there was too much to ever remember- so much that would fade away. The smell of her perfume, the tickle of her hair, the way her heart beat against his skin, the warmth that radiated from her and flooded his body, the way she made his every sense tingle… soon it would all be gone.
The towers sang and it was everything he'd known it would be. They sang songs of lost love, of beauty and despair. It sounded like they sang everything that was in his heart. The music filled them completely, transporting them to a place where it was only the two of them floating amongst the stars. He lost all sense of reality and he wanted to stay that way. Wanted to forget that the world had to carry on turning, the universe carry on expanding and that time had to march maddeningly on towards the moment he would have to kiss her goodbye for the final time.
He'd known he'd cry. It was in the script- the things River had told him on that very first meeting- and he'd accepted it. It wouldn't have felt right if he hadn't cried. What he didn't know was that he would weep, that he would sob so hard could barely breath while he clung onto her. She never asked. Never asked what cause him to cry so hard. She just held him as the music swirled around them until he could control it and kiss her. He kissed her and kissed her, his face still wet with tears that transferred onto her own. He thought about all they'd done but wished it could have been more as he kissed her- there should definitely have been more kissing. He wondered if her life would have been better if he'd never met her, never met her mother and father and led to her leading this complicated, mixed up, back to front life. She could have been born a normal child, lived an ordinary life and grown up to have grandchildren. She could have watched telly and eaten chips.
He looked at her. At this life he'd created for her. She smiled back at him and gently ran her fingers though his hair. I love you she whispered and it made everything almost okay. He knew then that this was the right path- the path she wanted. She'd chosen it, chosen this life. She'd died, would die- so very soon, to keep her life this way. That was the only thing that stopped him from sitting there and crying forever or else going back and changing the course of their history so she'd never met him, never been born this way. The fact that she loved him and she chose him, over all the alternatives, that was the only thing that stopped him from losing it completely.
So instead he smiled. And he told her that he loved her. And he picked her up and danced with her all night till the sun came up again and their feet hurt from dancing and their sides ached from laughing. He kissed her over and over. He promised her that she was the only woman who would ever his hearts, and she was. He said goodbye to her because that was what she'd chosen. In telling him, in dying for him, she'd chosen her own goodbye. He gave her his screwdriver so he could save her. Save her to a life he now knew she'd hate, with no adventures and no excitement where everything was perfect. She would be bored out of her mind, he knew that. But it was all he could do. He'd given her one last adventure, the goodbye she'd wanted, and then he would save her in that infernal library in the hope that one day, some how, he would be able to retrieve her. He would confine her to an eternity of loneliness because he was too selfish to contemplate the alternative- that he would lose her forever. He had to believe that he would be able to get her back, one day. That he would be able make her whole again and bring her to the towers on a night they sang a happy song.
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