Prompt: Estimate, first posted 30 May 2011

Title: Weights and Measures
Universe: DCAU-kinda
Genre: Humour
Characters: Harley Quinn and a Dick-era Robin
Rating: PG
Word Count: 500
Summary: It was a beautiful evening to spend on one of the picturesque rooftops of Gotham, scuffling around in the moonlight with a mortal enemy...

Weights and Measures

Face ground into the gravel-strewn rooftop, a knee planted firmly on her back and arms twisted into a painful spaghetti-like knot; Harley Quinn concluded that she'd had better ends to a gig.

"Are you tryin' to dislocate my shoulder, Bird Brain, or is it just a happy side effect of your usual wannabe-police brutality?"

"You're the one who's still squirming while I try to cuff you," came the reply from the teenage costumed-killjoy. "I'm only trying to stop you from hurting yourself or anyone else – particularly me – until you can get strapped back into one of those comfy Arkham straitjackets."

Once the cuffs were securely fastened Robin stood up and reluctantly helped Harley to her feet, keeping a cautious grip on her arm. To Harley's satisfaction there was no sign of the Joker joining her in Bat-custody.

Following her train of thought, Robin shook his head. "Batman followed him onto that grinning blimp of yours – Joker won't be getting far. But I can't babysit you all night in case he needs some help, so how much do you weigh?"

Harley tried to elbow the pipsqueak in the stomach and huffed in outrage. "What sorta question is that to ask a lady?"

Robin dodged the wide swing easily. "Well for starters trying to kill us with that bazooka five minutes ago was not exactly ladylike behaviour. Secondly, since that cackling lunatic you call a boyfriend chose the tallest building in Gotham to have his little midnight toxic chemical party, we're going to have to rappel down to one of the lower gantries so I can hand you over to the cops. This roof might be fine for blimps but the police helicopters can't land on it."

With his spare hand he started uncoiling a rappelling line from his belt. "When jumping off the side of a building relying on a single rope it helps to know all the variables."

Harley was too busy scowling at the idea of being humiliatingly lowered down the side of a building tied to one of the Bat-gang to fully follow his argument, but after a moment she caught up with the gist.

"Hang on, are you callin' me fat? Are you sayin' that if you don't allow three hundred pounds for hefty Harley in your calculations that your flimsy little rope might break?"

"I wasn't saying…" Robin started to protest, then gave up with a shrug. "Fine – I'll just estimate to the closest ten pounds and then add another ten for luck."

"I'm not part of some county fair guess-the-weight-of-the-henchwench game!" Harley shrieked, trying to elbow him again. "And if you're not careful you're gonna get ten lucky pounds of my foot inserted in your…"

Robin deftly tripped her over his left leg and sent her sprawling back on the surface of the rooftop where he resumed a half-kneeling pin to stop her from getting up again, despite vociferous protests.

Eventually she'd get tired. Or maybe the cops would arrive and unlock the maintenance door…


End note: This fic has nothing in particular to say but it made me giggle, so there you go!