Author's Notes: Drabble. No real story, just a song rewrite for Katy Perry's Hot 'n Cold with a little text on either end.

Written for the first round of Taragh McCarthy's 34 Stories challenge on the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge forum. Snape/Lily.

Apologies to Katy Perry.

I don't own this at all.

)O(

Severus Snape unfolded the letter that Lily had shoved into his hands. No boy in the world would want to get a break-up letter. But that was exactly what Severus had been given.

You deserve it! You're stupid, stupid, stupid!

What had he had to go and call Lily a Mudblood? He hadn't even meant it; he had just been angry and had lashed out.

Stupid!

He sat down by the lake, and stared at the letter without opening it.

Don't be a coward, Severus, he told himself. Just read it quickly and get it over with.

He raised his eyes to the sky, praying that this won't be too bad, and then unfolded the paper.

It was worse than he could have possibly imagined.

)O(

Dear Severus,

I tried to think of a nice way to say this, but there just isn't one. So I figured that, after niceness, poetry is the next best thing. Severus, here's a little poem, a little song I wrote just for you.

Red and Green

By Lily Evans

)O(

You are a jerk

I think that this should end.

Yeah, leave me alone.

You make a bad boyfriend.

And you never think

About what you should say

And I know

That you're not nice to me.

'Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice,

You call me bad names,

You play stupid games.

Yeah, Potter's a rat

But you're just as bad!

You!

You try to say that you are good

You!

But you don't really want a Mud-blood!

Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice!

We used to be

The best friends in the world.

Plain as one-two-three:

I loved you, you loved me.

Used to talk 'bout magic

Now I see you're a d…

And I don't have to put up with this…

'Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice,

You call me bad names,

You play stupid games.

Yeah, Potter's a rat

But you're just as bad!

You!

You try to say that you are good

You!

But you don't really want a Mud-blood!

Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice!

I'll go out with Potter!

Couldn't care less what you thought, or

Wanted! Thought you got her?

Please go off and die!

You are a jerk

I think that this should end…

'Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice,

You call me bad names,

You play stupid games.

Yeah, Potter's a rat

But you're just as bad!

You're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice,

You call me bad names,

You play stupid games.

Yeah, Potter's a rat

But you're just as bad!

You!

You try to say that you are good

You!

But you don't really want a Mud-blood!

Cause you're good then you're mean,

You're red then you're green,

You're fire then you're ice,

You're rotten, you're nice!

)O(

So, I think that pretty much sums it up. That's why I'm not going to go out with you, Severus. Goodbye. I won't be talking to you anymore.

Sincerely,

Lily.

)O(

Snape stared at the letter, then crumpled it into a ball. Was there any other way Lily could break up with him that would hurt quite that much?

No.

He threw the letter as hard as he could, and it landed in the lake. A tentacle reached up and dragged the paper underwater.

Many years later, a young American named Katy Hudson found a rather water-damaged letter on her local California beach. She read the letter, rewrote the poem in it, changed her name, and went on to be a famous singer.

)O(

Fin