Hola, peopsles. This one-shot is just for fun, so we're just gonna have fun with it. It's in the form of a script, like for TV and stuffs…. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Steph Meyer owns Twilight.
Narrator: A year after Edward left, Bella was still depressed.
Bella: Oh, whatever will I do?
Edward: [comes up behind Bella] Nothing, bitch!
Bella: EDWARD! You came back for me!
Edward: No, I didn't! I left my hair gel here…. Gosh…..
Bella: Oh, well in that case….. Don't leave me here, to wallow in self pity!
Edward: F*** off! Damn, asshole….
Bella: Oh, I love you too! [bats eyelashes]
Edward: I SAID F*** the S*** off!
Bella: Oh I KNOW I am STILL in love with you!
Edward: Well, that was unexpected. I thought you would have moved on to that bitchy dog, Jacob. [takes out shovel; hits Bella with shovel]
Edward: That's better… Peace and quiet. [puts Bella in body bag]
Narrator: Edward threw Bella into the back of his Volvo and sped off towards his home. When he walked in the door, he was greeted by Emmett.
Emmett: Whatcha got there?
Edward: A body bag.
Emmett: What's in it?
Edward: Bella Swan.
Emmett: Hey guys! Edward killed Bella!
Cullen Family: Yes! [punch fists in the air] Finally!
Carlisle: You finally got rid of that piece of shit!
Alice: Oh, God! I couldn't stand her anymore!
Jasper: Can we drink it now?
Edward: Me first!
Rosalie: No! I want to!
Edward: She was my f***in' girlfriend! Note the quotations around girlfriend! [makes quotation marks with his fingers in air]
*Jasper lunges at bag; tears it open*
Edward: Let's eat!
*Slurping noises; someone knocks on door*
Emmett: What the hell? We were feeding! [gets up and opens door]
Jacob: Filthy bloodsuckers. What are you doing?
Edward: Drinking Bella's blood….
Jacob: Yes! Let's throw her off a cliff!
Narrator: And so they did. Everyone lived happily ever after. Even Charlie and Renee were glad to get their wimp of a daughter out of their lives!