Trask Ulgo, Annihilator of Souls

by Mithostwen

Disclaimer: I can't take credit for anything but the execution of this idea. All characters, places, and goatees belong to BioWare, and the change that makes this story AU was my brother's.

Also, Monopoly's "Ray Arnold's Last Stand" deserves an acknowledgement as part of the inspiration behind this ridiculous little piece.

Korriban (Revan's POV)

It had been a long day at the Sith Academy, and not just because the days on Korriban were twenty-eight standard hours long. Even one hour feels long when your survival hinges on your ability to double-cross and double-double-cross a whole settlement of Sith who would strangle you with a thought if they ever caught on.

Needless to say, I was not overly enthused when my attempt to get some fresh air brought me face to face not with the relatively pleasant haunted nexus of evil that was the Valley of the Dark Lords, but with a bald man with a double-bladed lightsaber and a truly appalling goatee. Judging by the sand piled high over his presumably booted feet, he had been waiting there for quite some time with the sole purpose of killing me. He also had two sidekicks clad in the familiar grey uniform of my fellow Sith-in-training.

I may or may not have cursed aloud in several extinct languages.

Beside me, I could hear HK-47 revving up his flamethrower in anticipation. While this was somewhat reassuring, I couldn't help wishing I had Bastila as backup instead, seeing as she'd actually managed to survive an encounter with Darth Revan himself, whereas HK had only slaughtered an indeterminate number of relatively harmless civilians…

But my pessimistic thoughts were cut short by my new least favorite person beginning to speak.

"At last, my search is over!" the goateed man gloated, clearly going for dramatic effect over originality. "I was beginning to fear someone else had killed you and deprived me of the pleasure. You may have defeated the pathetic bounty hunter my Master sent after you, but you are no match for me! I have studied at the foot of the Dark Lord himself!"

Or something like that. All I heard was "Blah blah blah, etc etc." While Darth Mustache went on and on about how terrifying he was, a few things were slowly clicking into place in my mind. I had seen that awful high-collared jumpsuit and hideous goatee before…

"You were on the Endar Spire!" I blurted out. "You killed Trask!"

To my surprise, the evil sneer dropped right off his evil face.

"What?" he exclaimed. I could only watch in increasing bewilderment as Malak's apprentice began laughing out loud. "Kill Trask Ulgo? Are you insane? I fled the instant I recognized him! Even facing my master's displeasure was as nothing to me compared to the death I would have suffered at Trask Ulgo's hands, had he not been merciful."

I don't know how long I stood there before enough of my brain cells recovered from shock to form a reply.

"I'm sorry, we are talking about the same Trask Ulgo, right?"

His evil brows furrowed in evil confusion.

"I imagine so, seeing as everyone else by that name was spontaneously annihilated upon his birth."

When my only response to this was a raised eyebrow, he exclaimed, "Oh, come now! How can you possibly not know the stories of Trask Ulgo, Annihilator of Souls? He can survive in the vacuum of space for a thousand years and he punches people so hard their souls can't keep up? No? Not ringing any bells?"

"Yeah... sure. HK, please put this man out of his misery. He's clearly lost his mind."

"Commentary: An excellent suggestion, master. I was beginning to think you'd never ask."

It wasn't a very Jedi-like response on my part, I had to admit. But then again, this guy was clearly a Sith, and he had just been telling me what a letdown it would be if he was deprived of the pleasure of murdering me. If I didn't defeat him, he would cut me to ribbons, convince HK that there was much more genocidal fun to be had if he signed on with the Sith, and then go on to butcher anyone else who stood between him and Bastila. I knew that as surely as I knew my name.

Okay, bad example.

But I was wrong on another point as well: his evil sanity was perfectly intact.

Flashback to the Endar Spire (in third-person because trying to contain Trask's POV in mere words would cause my computer to explode)

"Damn! Another Dark Jedi. I'll try to hold him off; you get to the escape pods! Go!"

Armed with only a cheap, standard-issue vibroblade, Trask walked in slow motion toward the man with the double-bladed red lightsaber. His footfalls echoed even though there was no logical reason for them to do so. As he passed through the doorway, the sheer force of his epicness caused the control panels on either side to explode, sealing the doors behind him and leaving the recruit in the next room no choice but to do as he said.

It was too bad they'd be parting ways now. Trask had enjoyed spending some time with someone who didn't beg him to autograph her children's foreheads for a change. He might just have to go into exile after this, at least until the Jedi could assign him another bunkmate whose mind and memories had been irreparably destroyed.

"Do you really think you can stop me?" the Dark Jedi sneered. He twirled his lightsaber, settling into a ready stance.

"Wow. Another person who doesn't know who I am," Trask said appreciatively. "You don't know how refreshing that is. But yes, I do think I can stop you. I was just acting like there was any doubt as to the outcome of this duel in order to maintain my cover. My new bunkmate doesn't know who I am either."

The Dark Jedi sneered in disgust. "Who in the nine hells do you think you are?"

Trask took his time calmly sheathing his vibroblade before replying.

"I'm Trask Ulgo, ensign with the Republic Fleet. And you, in case you're wondering, are about to travel faster than the speed of light without a ship."

The Dark Jedi went pale. Well, paler. For a moment, the only sound in the room was the clatter of his lightsaber hitting the floor.

"N-no thanks," he finally managed, "I think I'll just…"

He turned and started running, but Trask took another step, plunging the universe back into slow motion. He pulled back his fist and swung, simultaneously pushing off the ground with a flying leap. His fist connected solidly with the Dark Jedi's spine in midair, and the next instant, the Dark Jedi was gone. Probably somewhere between here and Coruscant by now. He'd land on a planet if he was lucky, or a star if he wasn't.

Trask checked the chrono on his wrist. His bunkmate probably hadn't reached the escape pods yet, which meant he might as well kill some time deflecting laser cannon blasts with his face on the outside of the ship. Probably unnecessary, but it might be fun.

He jumped out the Bandon-shaped hole into the vacuum beyond.

It was time to go save the universe. He'd leave saving the Republic to Revan.