Prettyinpinkgal: Okay, after a young-life-crisis, I decided, "Screw my other stories for now. I need fun without stress. And what better to relax with than Dengeki Daisy x Oresama Teacher crossover oneshot?" Some things will be different than in the original works...as in, no amount of effort went into this whatsoever, since THE FRIGGIN STUPID DOCUMENT MANAGER deleted most of the writing that I did try to be more enjoyable. But I'm so frickin' determined right now not to let the DocMan Curse defeat me, that I'm posting this story just to spite it. So there, take that, you stupid piece of-!
Disclaimer: I don't own "Dengeki Daisy" or "Oresama Teacher". Some lines may be taken from one of these series. Please purchase the volumes when they're released!
Teru was not the type of girl to judge others too harshly. She herself was an oddball. Her not-so-secret crush was a hacker/janitor (and yet somehow did not seem dorky at all), her guardian was a counselor with anger-management issues, and perhaps the sanest one in the adult group was the owner of a bar. Her school friends consisted of Ryou, whose biggest accomplishment was growing fifteen centimeters of nose hair, Haruka, who suffered from diarrhea far too often to be healthy, Kako and Ken, who were so nice they even agreed to clean the entire backyard by themselves (this as an oddity, however, is up for speculation; rumor had it that they had merely wanted to spend more time with each other), and Yoshi, who was…quite normal actually, but this was nixed by the fact that she preferred hanging out with their little gang than getting a boyfriend. Of course, Kiyoshi, the surprisingly formidable opponent for such a tiny guy, and Rena, the tsundere love-struck president, completed this group.
So yes, Teru was very open-minded.
With this in mind, the reader will understand the significance of the fact that she found herself completely and utterly disturbed by two students in front of her.
Because they were crying.
With what was apparently their version of relief.
And the guy who was crying looked almost tough on the outside.
And they were both cuddling with a strange mask.
Which resulted in them tearing up some more due to paper cuts on their cheeks.
"I'm taking the other route," Teru murmured with a dazed smile on her face.
She should have kept her mouth shut. The students glanced sharply in her direction, causing her to shiver and almost want to tear up herself. She raised her fist hesitantly, sure that she could fight but also sure that lunatics don't know when to give up.
"PERSON!" the girl screamed, and she and the boy came running.
"IYAAAAH!" Teru cried, sprinting away.
Alas, she was no match for them. They tackled her to the ground, and Teru braced herself for the moment when they would maybe smother her with the mask or something equally weird and creepy.
Instead, they looked at her with glimmering eyes.
"Listen, listen to our story!" the boy cried, a grin which did not suit his fierce features one bit on his face. Immediately, the two became serious—Bipolar? wondered Teru—and he said in a grave voice, "We have been slaves for the past five months to a fierce enemy…"
"Even as Usa-chan Man, I found no way for us to flee his violent grasp," the girl sighed dramatically.
"Until now," the couple said simultaneously, grinning maliciously and again making Teru tremble.
Out popped random confetti, and they cried, "School transfer!" as they jumped up and down.
"Um, yay?" Teru said pitifully. "Wait…so it took you guys months of apparently awful treatment to realize you could just transfer schools?"
"…" What was the most terrifying was the fact that they were staring at her with awe and complete respect. "You're brilliant," the girl murmured, her cheeks flushed in adoration.
Perking up at this unnecessary but appreciated praise, Teru scratched her cheek and said, "Heheh, well, thank you! I suppose it's because I'm at the top of my class, but..."
"WE'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF A FRICKIN' GENIUS!"
"Haha! Not really...well, I guess I'm sort of smart." Well, I might as well milk this for all it's got...
The sound of a vibrating cell phone filled the air. "Hang on," Teru said, pulling out her phone with a grin on her face.
With the air of someone watching their dreams being fulfilled, the girl asked hopefully, "Don't tell me...is it your boyfriend?"
Teru's face immediately heated up. "Nononono! Well, maybe someday...BUT NO!" she cried, grasping onto the new girl with such a look of devastation on her face that it was comical. "I CAN'T DARE BE SO CONCEITED! I'M LUCKY ENOUGH THAT HE MESSAGES ME EVERY DAY AND PUTS UP WITH ME!"
The new kids became intrigued, which resulted in the three skipping first period as Teru told her story of woe.
"Even if he's a demon janitor, he's so much nicer than Takaomi-kun," the girl, who had introduced herself as Mafuyu, said with gusto. "But holy crap, what a sad story! About your brother and stuff! Is that the cell phone he gave you to talk to DAISY with?"
"Hm? Oh, yes! Would you like to see?" Teru asked, holding it in her outstretched hand...
"GAH! NO WAY!"
"IT'LL TURN STUPID!"
"I've never seen you in here before. Are you even allowed to use the faculty room, Tasuku?" Riko asked, flipping her hair on purpose with the full knowledge that some of her male coworkers were gazing upon her beauty with-
"Shut up, hag. I'm faculty, aren't I? NNNGgghhhh..."
Kurosaki bit his lip as he trembled in pain, the stabbing senation of a heel digging into his foot making sweat trickle down his neck.
"I'm sorry, what was that about being old?"
"Anyway," Riko wondered out loud as she moved her foot, "who's the new guy?"
"I dunno. Why? Normally you don't give a crap. Or is it because Teru's in danger?"
"What? No no, it's just that I had about half of the students from his class come into my office today with severe psychological trauma. Is he related to you?"
"That's my line..."
The new teacher was not facing them. He was looking out the windows, his hands in his pockets. While they could only see his back, an ominous aura seemed to be emerging from him. Perhaps, the duo wondered, he is after Teru. They carefully kept their eyes on him, and as he turned towards the room once again, they were disturbed to find an excited grin on his face, the sort that said, "Oh man! More victims! Yaaay, murders!"
Or so Riko imagined, at least. Kurosaki didn't give it any dialogue, merely thinking, "Oh, s***."
They carefully followed the teacher out the door, and because they were sneakier than two other idiots, they were successful and unnoticed.
It was now the newbies' turn to tell their story-the full version this time. The girl introduced herself as Kurosaki Mafuyu, and said that the boy was Hayasaka-kun. By the end of it, all three were weeping out of relief that they had escaped the grasp of such a sinister teacher.
"It's amazing you survived!" Teru cried.
"I know, right?" Hayasaka-kun said, grasping her shoulders.
"He was the absolute worst!" Mafuyu screamed. "A demon! The devil incarnate! Wait, what does 'incarnate' mean?" she asked Hayasaka.
"...Devil incarnate!" Mafuyu screamed once again, throwing her hands up. "What's that thing you always tell the janitor?"
"Yeah! Well, Takaomi should seriously go bald! Evil son of a-!"
Teru watched her new friends freeze. She looked to the side and saw a tall man dressed in a suit, his short dark hair shifting just slightly in the breeze. Teru might have thought him a teacher, except the closed-eyed smile on his face sent such a shiver of fear through her that the idea couldn't even cross her mind.
In her peripheral vision, she saw Hayasaka-kun pass over. Teru subconsciously acknowledged that he had passed out, while Mafuyu, who had quickly turned to watch as she noticed her comrade falling, whispered, "Did he die?" before turning to Takaomi-kun with a nervous, "Oh, hello, Takaomi-kun. It's, uh, been a while. Wh-what are you doing here? Heh heh. So pleasant to see you again. Well, I should be going. I have to behave ladylike and I feel like I'm about to wet myself so I'd best head to the bathroom, don't you think okay I think this is where we say adieuandOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOO-"
The punch was so swift, Teru didn't at first understand why Mafuyu's body was flying through the air for no reason.
"Oi," Takaomi-kun said, his sadistic smile expanding. "Don't you think it's rude of you to spread such stories about me when I've just landed a new job? But how sweet of you, Mafuyu-chan, to follow me here, just like you used to when we were kids-"
"Wait a second," Teru said, her voice barely strong enough to be heard well, but Takaomi stopped beating up Mafuyu long enough for the two to look at the brunette.
"W-what?" was Mafuyu's tearful question.
"So, you ran away from this guy-" she pointed at Takaomi-kun "-and came here" point at school "where he was working?" point again.
Teru saluted. "I apologize, but your stupidity's too much; it's impossible to save you from your fate. So long," she cried, running off.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COME BAAA-!"
All of a sudden, Teru felt someone grab her ankle and pull her back. She turned her bruised and fearful face to look back and saw Takaomi looking at her. "Huh, only white ones. Not like I'm into high school kids anyway; they're all brats."
Teru quickly pulled her skirt down and kicked him in the face, taking him by surprise just enough so that he let go of her ankle and she could stand upright, face red and tears in her eyes. "Mafuyu-san, I'm sorry, you were right. He's an unforgivable demon!"
Takaomi now knew she was more violent than most girls, and so his teeth glinted in his wolflike grin as he said, "You should have run while you had the chance."
A blow was delivered to the side of his head, and both girls gasped as they noticed the blond janitor who loomed over their foe.
"Hey," he said coolly, wind gently yet disturbingly playing with his dyed locks. "No one's allowed to look up the A-cup's skirt except for me."
"Kurosaki!" Teru cried in relief, only to sob, "Riko-san!" a moment later as the guidance counselor made sure they were alright. Riko, though, it must be told, seemed to think their situation wasn't as dire as the girls thought it was. Hayasaka, who had woken upon Teru's attack, watched the scene of Teacher vs. Janitor with silent appreciation.
"Wait a second," Mafuyu said, her eyes serious.
The others sighed and looked at her. "Now what? We need to hurry up and end this stupid fanfiction."
"Well," she said, looking at the janitor. "I'm Kurosaki Mafuyu. And you're Kurosaki Tasuku. Are you...Tasuku-Nii?"
"You're her brother?" the others demanded.
"Cousin," Tasuku said. "Hey, Mafuyu. It's been a while. Since you were in elementary school, right? I heard you were in a gang for a while. That true?"
"Yeah well you see-"
"Okay, the repeat of the backstory can wait," Takaomi said boredly. "So you babysit that one?" He pointed at Teru, who cringed at the word "babysit".
"And you babysit that one," Tasuku surmised, pointing at Mafuyu.
"They're BONDING?" the others cried in disbelief.
"Isn't it a pain? Well, although you kinda like your ward, right?" Takaomi said, scarily perceptive.
Tasuku blinked. Apparently, the guys had forgotten anyone else was around. "Well, yeah. Aren't you in love with yours?"
"Meh. Not sure yet. There's evidence for it for the past forty chapters, but there haven't been any big revelations yet."
"Ah, I see."
Mafuyu said, "I'm heading to the nurse's office. Riko-sensei, can you show me where it is?"
"I'm coming too," Teru replied, rubbing her temples.
"I need to lie down anyway. My hangover's coming back," said Riko with a dazed look.
As everyone went their separate ways, each person destined to wonder as they went to bed that night, "What the -censored- was the point of this story?" and finding their answer upon rereading the author's note, Hayasaka-kun dug out a pen and paper from his beaten-up bag, writing,
Dear Usa-chan Man and Natsuo,
Despite the obvious plotholes in my writing this to you since apparently in this fanfic I know you both are Mafuyu, I'm writing this to you to let you know that there is a new idol in my life now. His name is Kurosaki Tasuku...