Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned characters, Iolaus, Hercules, etc...but they would definitely kill me...

Random Ways and Reasons Hercules might kill you...


30 Ways to Die by Hercules Hands…

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1. Push Iolaus off a cliff…and laugh.

2. Mention you think Hera really is a Wonderful person and you can't possibly see why he hates her…

3. Jokingly mention he and Joxxer would make a lovely couple…

4. Explain what a slash-fic is…

5. Nearly getting him sold off after you mention a Demi-God could be quite a saleable item, to Selmonius…

6. Waving Xena's chest-plate around and casually remarking you've seen her naked…thus inflaming his sense of honour…

7. Making a Milf-joke about his mother, Alcmene and her new husband, Jason…

8. Telling Hercules his pants look ridiculous…

9. Stealing Iolaus' necklace…

10. Questioning if the flaming marshmallow you're roasting over the fire, reminds him of his wife and children…

11. Asking Iolaus whether he shaves his chest…

12. Asking Hercules the same thing.

13. Loudly wondering what two attractive, muscular men do out in the wild when they aren't saving the world from monsters…and if either owns a cowboy hat…

14. Asking Aphrodite the above question…

15. Asking HERA… [P.S. RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!]

16. Stealing Echidna and Typhon's latest baby, Obi, as a practical joke…

up a death-match between Hercules and Nebula, over Iolaus…said blonde companion might kill you…

18. Wearing an "I Love Hera" Shirt around him.

19. Stealing their clothes while they're bathing in the river…near an Amazonian Village…It's worth death, you know it…

20. Killing Iolaus…

21. Smelling the scent of roast Venison in the air and asking Hercules whether it reminds him of Serena…

22. Making blonde jokes around Iolaus…

23. Suggest a certain family resemblance between Hercules and his brother, the Minotaur…

24. Digging a grave out the back of his mother's house and mentioning to Alcmene it's 'just in case'…give her suspect looks…of anticipation…

25. Ask Zeus what he thinks of same-sex relationships, insinuate and make lewd glances between Hercules and Iolaus… [The more mortified they look, the more worth it your death becomes…]

26. Getting the dynamic duo drunk and marrying them off to Nemian wenches…

27. Asking Hercules what horse tastes like…in the middle of a group of centaurs…

28. Popping into the Elysian Fields and asking Serena and Daenara what they think of the relationship going on between the two guys…

29. Asking if Hercules if the Hydra, 'Tastes like Sushi' in front of Typhon and Echidna…

30. Ambushing the guys 'together' together and screaming, "HERA, LOOK! SEE! TOLD YOU SO!" and then running because at least one of them is going to kill you…if not both.


You're last words? "It was worth it…"


Hope you liked them, please feel free to submit your own ideas and please, Review!^^