Inspired by this '100-questions for couples' that I once came across. I initially wrote the first chapter in script format, then found out this isn't allowed, so I changed it to something more descriptive.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in Junjou Romantica.
Interview with Usagi and Misaki
The imposing, silver-haired author sat comfortably on the couch, his long legs casually crossed, ready to field questions. Right at the other end was the brown-haired teenager, seated upright and rigid as a pole, a tense look on his face. He stole a sideways glance at the hostess, who was none other than Usami's former editor, the beautiful Eri Aikawa, who had quit the publishing company to become a talk show host.
"Hi everyone!" chirped Aikawa. "Welcome to our talk show 'Celebrity Authors and their Love Lives'. We are delighted to have with us today: the award-winning Great Lord Usami Akihiko and his partner Misaki Takahashi, a student at Mitsuhashi University. The interview will be in two parts: the first part is appropriate for all audiences, and the second is intended for mature audiences only."
The brown-haired teen grimaced and dug his fingers into the couch while the older man had a smug look plastered on his face.
"And so without further ado, let us give a warm welcome to Usami-sensei and Misaki-san!" The hostess announced to wild applause and fangirl screams from the mostly female audience.
Aikawa beamed enthusiastically as she directed her gaze towards her two guests. "So, how are you two today?"
The author answered in his deep, resonant voice. "Well, I'm in a decent mood today. I normally don't do such interviews, but for my beloved Misaki's sake –"
He had yet to finish his sentence when the boy interrupted in a trembling voice. "He-he's lying! I was forced to come here! He handcuffed and blindfolded me, dumped me into his car and drove off without telling me where he's going – " He paused and clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh crap, did I just say all this out on national TV?"
"Oh dear," said Aikawa, as a shocked hush fell over the audience.
Usami sat calm and cool as a cucumber. "It's alright. Go on, Misaki, tell them more about what I did to you."
The boy paled and kept quiet, staring at the floor.
"Um, let's go on to the next question," Aikawa continued. "This should be easy. How old are the two of you?"
Aikawa smiled. "So, how would you describe your personalities?"
Usami began. "Well, I'm quite a stubborn person. I write what I enjoy writing and I don't care what people think. I have a habit of missing deadlines, which can't be helped, because I like doing things at my own pace. And oh, one more thing - I tend to be very protective towards those I love…" his voice trailed off longingly as he cast a tender glance at the boy.
"Uh…" Misaki looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
Usami cut in without giving his partner a chance to say anything. "I don't think Misaki knows how to answer that question, so let me answer it for him. Misaki's an incredibly sweet, selfless, and naïve boy who cries easily –"
"No I don't! And I'm not naïve, you Baka! Listen, he's a pervert! He has a whole room of teddy bears and-and-" he stopped as he heard a gasp from the audience.
The older man sniggered. "Go on, tell them about the perverted things I do to you."
Misaki blushed slightly as he muttered "Damn… just dug my own grave again…"
"How did you get to know each other?" Aikawa asked.
"He was a D-grade student and he came to me for tuition," Usami said nonchalantly.
"What the –" Misaki frowned.
"Where was the first time you met?" Aikawa continued, her eyes sparkling with anticipation.
"Ha. In my bedroom," said Usami.
Aikawa's eyes widened slightly. "Wow, of all places… so what happened exactly?"
"Well," the author shrugged and explained. "He barged in when I was sleeping. Unfortunately for him, I awoke in a cranky mood, so I…"
"Shut up!" The boy's face had turned redder.
A mocking half-smile crept over Usami's lips. "Let's just say I made – "
"I said shut up!"
"- a mess of him."
A loud, dramatic gasp rose from the audience. Aikawa covered her mouth with her hand, giggling.
The poor chagrined boy muttered, with his face buried in his hands. "I want to go home…"
"Let's go on to a more innocent question," Aikawa cleared her throat. "So, what do you like about each other?"
"I like it when Misaki resists my advances. It makes me desire him more."
"I don't like anything about him!" The boy was still embarrassed.
"See? That's exactly what I meant," Usami said, flashing a lascivious grin at the teenager.
"And what do you dislike about each other?"
"Nothing," Usami said confidently. "There's absolutely nothing I dislike about my sweet, precious angel."
"Everything!" Misaki burst out. "He's a sadistic, manipulative pervert!"
The author raised his brows slightly. "I'm surprised at your level of vocabulary," he said, before lowering his voice to a menacing whisper. "You have to stop calling me a pervert on national TV or you'll get punished when we get home."
"Er…we heard that," Aikawa said.
Misaki groaned and covered his face with his hands again.
"So, do you two get along well together?"
"Oh yes, we get along splendidly. Right, Misaki?"
"I don't have a choice…" the boy muttered as he recalled the threat.
Usami smiled as he patted Misaki's head. "Boys at that age don't know what they want. You can't always give them choices, you know."
"I… see. Well er - next question. What kind of animal would you compare each other to?"
"A gray-haired wolf," replied Misaki reluctantly.
"Not a large cuddly teddy bear?" the older man said. "Hmm. I would compare Misaki to a Chihuahua."
"W-what the hell?" Misaki snapped angrily, his hair standing on end.
"Or a hedgehog, when he's angry – he's irresistibly cute like that."
" … "
"What kind of gift would you give each other?"
"I'll give my darling Misaki anything he wants, be it the moon or the stars, a holiday at an exotic location, a wardrobe full of expensive clothes, or a truckload of strawberries, pork buns, pancakes, octopus, and fish sperm…" The author gazed at the youth indulgently.
"Fish…?" Misaki choked.
Usami smiled. "It's a Japanese delicacy. Misaki loved it when I ordered it at the restaurant. He didn't know what he was eating though."
"Oooh," gushed Aikawa. "We're all envious of you, Misaki. So, what would you give Usami-sensei?"
Misaki frowned and sighed. "Usagi-san has everything he needs."
"Come on, you know what I want, don't you?" Usami said as his lips curled into a lecherous grin.
The hostess turned her gaze eagerly towards Misaki. "What does he want?"
Misaki took a deep breath. "N-nothing."
"I thought you told me in bed the other day –"
"Oh my, this place is getting warm," said Aikawa. "Tell us, is there anything that you would like each other to improve on?"
"Oh, if only he wouldn't make things so difficult for me sometimes…" replied Usami. "But then, that would take the fun out of it. Oh, I wish he would hold my hand in public."
Misaki pondered for a moment. "If he could take some cooking lessons … but if he knew how to cook, he wouldn't need me anymore. Well, I would really like to get to know more about him. His past, especially."
Usami turned to the boy and lovingly brushed a strand of hair away from his face. "I want to get to know more about you too…"
"Ugh, stop it!" cried Misaki. "This isn't the right time for this!"
"What are your hobbies?" asked Aikawa.
"Writing BL novels under my pseudonym, fulfilling my fantasies through them."
Usami cut in. "He doesn't have time for hobbies. Whatever time he has is split between school work and me."
"Is there anything he does that pisses you off?"
"Nothing. I adore everything that Misaki does."
"When he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes – Argh! I just said the wrong things again…"
"Ha," Usami smirked. "I thought you said the thing that pissed you off most was when…" he lowered his voice again. "I didn't finish whatever I started."
Misaki's face went as red as a beetroot. "Wh-what are you talking about!"
The hostess stared at him wide-eyed. "Ooh, is that true? Care to elaborate?"
"No!" yelled Misaki.
"So, who confessed first?" asked the lady.
"Well, he shed tears for me when I got hurt by someone else." Usami said. "That really touched me, so I kissed him, and he stopped crying."
Both Aikawa and the audience gushed dreamily.
"Would you like to see me re-enact it?" Usami grinned playfully as he leaned over towards Misaki and gently caressed the boy's cheek.
"No! Get your hands off me!" Misaki squirmed in his seat.
"So, would you say that you love each other?"
"Yes, of course. I love Misaki very much. I can't live without him."
"Uh… maybe…" mumbled the boy.
Usami frowned. "Looks like I really have to punish you when we get home," he whispered.
"What's the scariest thing that your partner has said?"
"'I'm going out on a date,'" replied Usami.
"'I want more Misaki.'"
"Which part of your partner's body do you like the most?" asked Aikawa.
Misaki gave a nervous cackle. "Um… his arms, shoulders, chest…"
"Everything about Misaki is alluring, especially his large, innocent eyes, and…" Usami paused as a cryptic smile crept over his lips. "I'll answer that later."
Misaki didn't realize he had been holding his breath all this while and heaved a sigh of relief.
"What do you find most seductive about your partner?"
Usami began. "The look on his face when I…"
"When you… ?" Aikawa stared intently at him.
"You know, that look of agony…"
"Shut up!" Misaki cut him off again. "There's nothing sexy about you, you demon!"
Aikawa sat there with her mouth gaping. "Wow, I can't wait to hear about it. So, what does your partner do to make your heart flutter?"
"When Misaki defends me furiously in front of others, and when he cries over me."
"When he whispers those words into my ear…"
"What words?" Aikawa probed.
Usami smiled and said in his deep voice, "Suki da, suki da," and Misaki shifted shyly in his seat.
"Aww, Misaki-kun, you're such a cutie. So, have you two ever quarrelled?"
"Of course we do get into fights," said Usami. "But the outcome is always – 'Misaki collapses in hot, sexy defeat.'
Misaki snarled. "You bastard…One day I'll topple you."
"How would you show your love?" asked the hostess.
"By making love."
"By being considerate."
"And now the final question before we take a break. Tell us, what does 'love' mean to you?"
Without a moment's hesitation, Usami answered. "Love is… when a couple are together not because of the million reasons for them to be, but when the couple are together despite the million reasons for them not to be.
Misaki's emerald eyes grew as wide as saucers.
The audience and Aikawa clapped in admiration. "Wow, how poetic! A top-notch romance writer indeed!"