Titel: The Warbler Handbook

Chapter three: Rule number 4: Furniture removal

Summary: The oddities of our favourite Warblers, as explained by Nick and Jeff to a disbelieving Kurt, who wonders why he's only hearing about all this five months in.

Categories: Humor/ Friendship/ Romance

Rating: T for some potty- mouthed Warblers

Pairings: Blaine/ Kurt. I'm not sure on anyone else yet, but I'm open to suggestions. And by that I mean: please tell me what you'd like to see or what your favourite pairings are. No guarantees that I'll actually work them in, but odds are good as long as the pairings are believable. Also, I've got plans for Jeff. They're alluded to in my other story, "Of Warblers and Woods", to which I see this as a companion piece to. The OC's that will start to pop up here won't make a hell of a lot of sense unless you've read that. It's a suggestion.

Notes: Thanks again for the response, alerters and reviewers ^^ Especially the reviewers; I mean wow! What a great response! Thanks guys! I hope you lot keep this up, cause it makes me grin like a loony every time I see there's a new review :P

Also, for my first prompter (still, I know): I was thinking about doing something Wevid-related myself, so I'll be able to incorporate that quite nicely. Will be up soon^^

Also: This one's later than I expected, but I'm up to over my ears in exams and dossiers, and they kinda come first. I started writing this part on the trainride home from an exam I'm pretty sure I failed and finished it while watching the world-wide premier of HP 7.2 via Facebook while I probably should've been studying for my educational psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. I was watching it, and all of a sudden – wearing a blue tux that looked awesome on him, I might add- a wild Darren Criss filled the frame, doing a very exited jump for a camera. I nearly lost it when the voice-over said: "Oh! He's happy. He looks happy to be here…".

If you've seen it, tell me what you thought of it, please. ^^


Going to lunch on Monday turned out to be a bit of an experience.

After a rather calm weekend (meaning that he had only had two gossip sessions with his girls and only had to explain the microwave to Finn three times on Saturday instead of the usual five) Kurt had gone back to Dalton at a reasonable time, stopping to pick up coffee on the way. He had done his calculus homework while being stuck in the usual morning congestion, as he had counted on when he had decided to procrastinate some on Sunday. He had dropped off his weekend bag in his room in time to wake his roommate (lucky sod didn't have a first period due to having tested out of Latin, nerd that he was) and had walked into his first period classroom with five minutes still to spare, in which he drank the last of his coffee and pulled out the calculus homework he had just finished. All in all, a typical start to the week.

He spent almost the entire first period trying to retrain himself from laughing at the expressions that crossed the face of the Warbler two seats in front of him and to his right. Poor Jason had never been all that good at anything even vaguely resembling Maths and Calculus first thing on Monday morning had proven to be hell for the boy. Incredibly entertaining for the rest of the class, though.

In his third period in AP French, Kurt had taken great pleasure in confusing David by insulting his poor fashion choices in French, only being nice in telling him he was at least marginally better in dressing himself than Thad was, but that it wasn't that hard seeing as Thad dressed himself like he was a colour blind spider monkey dressing himself in the dark. David, who shouldn't even really be in AP French since he still didn't really know the difference between être and avoir, gave up trying to make sense of what the countertenor was saying to him with such passion in his voice after trying to translate the French word for 'sweater vest' (ok, so maybe he threw a Mr. Schuester comparison in there as well) and came up with 'refrigerator', which wasn't even close.

By the time lunch came about, Kurt was feeling pretty good. That changed a bit when he walked around the corner of a hallway leading to the cafeteria and saw Blaine Anderson, lead soloist and best gay friend, being spoken to by the school's headmaster (because Dalton was not plebeian enough to have a principal). The dapper boy was wiggling in his shoes a bit, something he didn't normally do, and the headmaster was noticing… and frowning?

Why would Mr. Dean (and boy, wasn't that an ironic last name for a headmaster?) be frowning at Blaine's shoes? Granted, they weren't the best choice to wear with the school uniform, but they were very nice regardless. All shiny, and black, probably Italian and obviously expensive. Also…new? Kurt hadn't seen those shoes on Blaine before, and he was pretty sure Blaine usually asked for advice on fashion purchases (because, for a gay guy, his fashion instincts were nearly non- existent) or at least told him about them.

As Kurt felt two increasingly familiar presences coming to a stop besides him, the headmaster looked as if he was warning Blaine about something. Blaine looked down at his shoes, a dusting of red starting to colour his cheeks, merely shook his head in answer to whatever it was Mr. Dean was saying and refused to look up from his shoes, seemingly admiring them.

"Oh lord," a voice from beside Kurt said. Kurt looked at the voice and immediately recognised Jeff's blonde hair – to be honest, he was actually doubting the authenticity of the hair colour which was a strange sensation, considering he usually just knew whether a hair colour came from a bottle or not. Jeff looked as if he was staring into the eyes of an army solely out to destroy him.

On Kurt's other side, Nick didn't look much better. "He's wearing new shoes."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, staring at Blaine still admiring his shoes and the headmaster still talking at him. "Yeah, he is," he said. "And he didn't even run them by me first."

"Not really the problem we're seeing here, Kurt," Jeff responded, slowly starting to gain the colour back in his cheeks. At Kurt's confused look, he explained further: "See, when someone gets new shoes, these shoes need to be walked out a bit."

Kurt, being the fashionista he is, of course knew this already. "Of course. They'll hurt like hell if you don't."

"Exactly," Nick said. "Only Blaine doesn't exactly walk them out, per se. He tends to, er, dance them out."

"Come again?" Kurt asked, tearing his eyes away from the boy with the fabulous new shoes that made him look even more handsome dapper.

"You know how when Blaine sings, he tends to climb on sofas and tables?" Jeff asked, taking out his cell phone.

At Kurt's nod, Nick continued: "When he's got new shoes however, it usually gets worse and public spectacles are common place. Jeff?"

"On it!" the blonde Warbler replied, fingers typing away at his BlackBerry's keyboard.

"What's he doing?" Kurt asked, eying the rapid typing.

"Sending a mass 4724362347- text to the Warblers." Nick calmly answered, smiling when his own phone buzzed in his pocket, a sign that the text had been sent.

"A what now?" Kurt asked, frowning as he pulled out his own phone, where sure enough the numbers flashed on his screen.

"Stands for 4x7, 2x4, 3x6, 2x3 and 4x7 again." Jeff replied, putting his phone away again.

"Which in text-speak," Nick continued, "stands for 'SHOES'."

"I really don't see how Blaine wearing new shoes could be detrimental in any way," Kurt said, tucking his phone away and looking back to where Blaine and the headmaster….. used to be. "Hey, where did Blaine go?"

The other two Warblers exchanged panicked looks.

"Oh damn," Jeff muttered, "he's got a head start."

Nick hooked one of his arms through one of Kurt's and started to march to the cafeteria, Jeff swiftly following.

"We need to nip this in the bud. Now."

When they got to the cafeteria however, they were already too late. Blaine was sat on the back of a chair, with his feet on the seat. The Warblers who had read the text Jeff had sent out were watching the shoes on them in a very dramatic manner. And Kurt knew his drama.

Before Kurt could take a seat, Blaine was already speaking to him, a big, dopey grin on his face:

"Look Kurt! My mom brought new shoes back for me from Milan. Aren't they amazing?"

"They look good, Blaine," Kurt answered, not really understanding why everyone was shooting him 'stop- talking- now- you- ignorant- fool!'- looks.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Kurt," Blaine said, "Because you know…."

The curly haired lead soloist started drumming out a beat with his fingers and the Warblers present – while sending Kurt 'what- have- you- done- now?'- looks started to play the harmony with their voices upon recognising it. Before he knew it, Blaine had climbed up on the table and started singing.

Woke up cold one Tuesday,

I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick,

I felt like there was something missing in my day to day life,

So I quickly opened the wardrobe,

Pulled out some jeans and a T-Shirt that seemed clean,

Topped it off with a pair of old shoes,

That were ripped around the seams,

And I thought these shoes just don't suit me.

He was making sad faces all through this verse, making some of the other boys present in the cafeteria laugh, while the lunch ladies where trying to stealthily hide the dishes they had just brought out for some reason. All of a sudden, Blaine started really grooving out to the music while the chorus started, Thad and Wes reluctantly filling in as backing vocals.

Hey, I put some new shoes on,

And suddenly everything is right,

I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,

It's so inviting,

Oh, short on money,

But long on time,

Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,

And I'm running late,

And I don't need an excuse,

'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

Woke up late one Thursday,

And I'm seeing stars as I'm rubbing my eyes,

And I felt like there were two days missing,

As I focused on the time,

And I made my way to the kitchen,

But I had to stop from the shock of what I found,

A room full of all off my friends dancing round and round,

And I thought hello new shoes,

Bye bye them blues.

At the line saying that he was going to the kitchen, he actually jumped from the table onto the next – for some strange reason actually managing to avoid getting drowsed in food and jumped from the last table up onto the food displays, still grooving out to the music. Kurt looked on with wide eyes.

Hey, I put some new shoes on,

And suddenly everything is right,

I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,

It's so inviting,

Oh, short on money,

But long on time,

Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,

And I'm running late,

And I don't need an excuse,

'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

By the time the verse was done, Blaine had made his way over nearly all of the surfaces that were even remotely higher than the floor. He had walked all over the tables, some free chairs, the food displays, the check -out desk, some unfortunate guy's backpack and the window sills.

Take me wandering through these streets,

Where bright lights and angels meet,

Stone to stone they take me on,

I'm walking to the break of dawn

I'm walking to the break of dawn

Hey, I put some new shoes on,

And suddenly everything is right,

I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,

It's so inviting,

Oh, short on money,

But long on time,

Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,

And I'm running late,

And I don't need an excuse,

'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

Hey, I put some new shoes on,

And suddenly everything is right,

I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,

It's so inviting,

Oh, short on money,

But long on time,

Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,

And I'm running late,

And I don't need an excuse,

'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes.

Take me wandering through these streets

At the end of the song, he was right back where he started: sitting on the chair he was sitting on when Kurt walked in, calmly starting to eat the rest of his food while the rest of the boys present were starting to do the same. Kurt sat down on an empty chair, resolutely ignoring the fact that there was a shoe print on it, and started to hope that he would wake up and Blaine being all un-dapper because of a pair of shoes had just been a dream.


Rule number four: When Blaine sings, hide the furniture.


So? Let me know your thoughts!

Also, for those of you actually reading 'Of Warblers and Woods' and wondering at the delay for the next chapter: It's coming. Slowly, but it'll be there soon. I'm hoping this weekend even. I've had to spent so much time on school these last few weeks that I haven't really found the time for it. It's not abandoned though, don't fear. It's going to be a big chapter too. I've started it, and I'm already on 750 words, and I'm not even a quarter there yet.