"Now, what everyone wants to know is…how lovey dovey are you guys these days? Huh?"
Dr. Phil leered at Izaya who batted his eyes most maiden-like.
"Actions speak louder than words and we already have a language barrier issue here. So,"
So Izaya hopped out of his chair and waltzed over to Shizuo's, climbed on Shizuo's lap and proceeded to give him a long, long kiss that took Shizuo completely by surprise.
"It's like this, Phil-sensei!"
Izaya had decided that if you can't beat them then you might as well join them. Since no amount of denial did anything to convince people that he was not in love with Shizuo, acting absolutely in love would at least keep everyone from teasing him. It was the only way of putting the North Korea fiasco aside, at any rate.
Dr. Phil's eyes narrowed briefly for he could tell Izaya was up to something.
"I see. But keep in mind this is a family friendly show, m'kay? I keep having to remind you of that."
Shizuo, for one, really needed the reminder. The translation reached him with only a few seconds of delay but was entirely lost on him. While not at all into public kink, Shizuo could and often did completely forget about his surroundings when hot sexing was involved. He did so now, already he had removed Izaya's jacket and would have moved to the next item of clothing if not for Izaya jumping back to his chair.
"Huh?! Where the hell are you going, things were just about to get good- oh,"
Only now did Shizuo become once again aware of the people around him. He blushed on the spot, fumbled some, mumbled some more and settled for sullen silence.
"So as you can see, Shizuo and I are a wonderfully dedicated couple. By the way, if you want to shorten it you can just call it 'Shizaya'! Neh?"
Dr. Phil bobbed his head up and down in lieu of nodding.
"Let me get this straight, you're saying you guys are an actual couple, right? It's not just a sex thing?"
"Why, that's so rude of you to imply that homosexual relationships are devoid of love and merely a case of lust."
"Hold on, now, hold on. No one said anything like that, m'kay? I'm not talking about gay people in general."
Izaya's eyes shimmered brightly.
"Oh? Is that so? You wouldn't want to come across as intolerant, now would you? No antagonizing the LGBT community now."
Dr. Phil knew this was a not too veiled threat which was typical Izaya behavior.
"LBT…? You wanna eat a sandwich now?!"
Shizuo was back to being intensely confused. Izaya and Dr. Phil promptly ignored him.
"So you're saying you're a loving couple?"
Izaya snapped his fingers and staff produced a table and calligraphy apparatus with which he busied himself writing as he answered.
"As in, [恋愛], 'renai'. Most passionate love~. Shizu-chan, I was telling the good doctor here about how much we love each other."
Izaya effortless switched languages mid-speech and showed him the large sheet of paper.
Shizuo was about to try to push for more fooling around as the proper way of showing 'love' but Izaya cut him off.
"And do you know what people who are very much in love must never forget? Keeping their promises, Shizu-chan. I believe you promised you'd let me stomp all over you in the middle of Ikebukuro. Now's the time for that. Rejoice, nothing is better than doing precisely what your beloved asks of you."
Izaya's smile was a thing of beauty and dripping sadism all over. He only wished he had settled on this tactic sooner, who knew that by harping on love he could demand things of Shizuo that would otherwise be completely impossible.
Shizuo paled. Up to this point he had completed forgotten all about this promise but he knew better than to try to escape.
"Sure, promises are real important."
There was no other choice but to grit his teeth and go through it. Fortunately Izaya was very light and Shizuo was used to injuries. Shizuo was not exactly looking forward to it but he did not see its being all that painful considering that Izaya was such a lightweight.
"Yay! At first I thought I'd wear some high heels but then it hit me…soccer cleats is where it's at, soccer cleats."