Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and no copyright infringement I intended.
This is not beta'd – all mistake are mine.
We drove in silence, I watched the familiar scenery flash past me the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I realized that we were getting closer and closer to Forks High School and not the beach as I had asked. I started to fidget in my seat and I felt Janet's eyes watching me, I knew what she was doing, gauging me to see my reaction, so I gritted my teeth and continued to stare out of the window.
When the car pulled into the now empty parking lot I was fighting every impulse in me to open the door and run away, but I knew that I needed to talk to Janet about this and I would not be able to move forward with anything in my life until I laid these demons to rest, finally.
Once the car stopped and I heard the driver's door open and then close I took a deep breath and stepped out myself. "What are we doing here? I thought that we were going to the beach" I looked Janet straight in the eye and she returned the stare for a moment before she answered.
"Well, this seems to be the place that you spent a lot of your time, and I know that the incident happened shortly after the winter dance here. I think that is significant in some way. Am I right?"
There was nowhere to hide with this, she of course knew what had happened and wanted to examine this further with me, so why not come here. She turned and walked away from me, leaving me staring after her. I caught her up as she strolled out toward the football field, her hands thrust into her pockets against the cold winter air. We walked together and I knew that she was waiting for me to say something.
Eventually she stopped walking and took a seat on the bleachers, and I sat next to her. The memories of being here were assaulting me, I remembered everything.
"We were at the winter dance. There was an incident there, I couldn't stay, I had to get out, I ran until I got here and I hid under here." I motioned to the bleachers that we were sat on. She nodded slowly, never interrupting me. "Jake came after me. He was a good friend to me that night."
I paused and she spoke. "What do you mean, was? Are you no longer friends?"
My head started to swim, I could see the image of Jake from that night, saving me, looking after me. Then him visiting me in the hospital, telling me what I needed to know, filling in the blank puzzle pieces in my memory. Memories changed quickly to when I saw him leaving Bella's that night and then we fought at the Police Station. It hurt to think how quickly things fell apart in our friendship. We had been friends for years, and now that lay in tatters like my life.
Speaking in a low voice I answered her. "I don't know."
Her response shocked me. "Do you want to be friends with him?"
It was a straightforward question, one that I hadn't really thought about in any great detail, so my answer was evasive. "I don't know, I haven't thought about it."
I should've known that she wouldn't me off that easily. "Edward I know what happened last night. Well, I know what your father saw, but I want to hear your version. I mean do you often go around trying to punch your best friend? I mean, I argue with my best friend but we have never, ever come to blows over anything. What caused that reaction in you?"
Suddenly I was on my feet pacing in front of her, she knew exactly what to say to get a reaction out of me. The anger I felt toward him from last night bubbled to the surface, my fists clenched together before I flexed them open, only to clench them closed again. There was no way that I could lose it with Janet, she didn't deserve to have the anger I felt directed at her, it should be Jake that I unleashed this one.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I flinched, shrugging it off me before I turned to face her. Looking at her face I knew that she could see the anger that I felt.
"Edward, calm down. I didn't mean to startle you. Please, tell me what you are thinking. I can see the anger in you. I am here for you, talk to me."
I took several deep breaths before I turned to face her. "He was my best friend, and yet he betrayed me." My voice faded as I uttered the last words. "Just like she did." But Janet heard them.
"Who betrayed you?" Her voice remained calm as she continued. "Edward? Trust in me. I am here to help you, but I can't if you won't tell me what happened to you."
I looked at her, and could see that she was waiting for me to open up to her. Turning around I saw, the high school and the gym where the dance was held. I needed to be out of here, the memories that I associated with being here were all interwoven with my memories of Bella. I wanted to go to the one place that I knew that I could think clearly.
Almost in a whisper I asked. "Can we leave here, please? I want to go to the beach, we can talk there."
Janet looked at me, I could tell that she was wary, she knew what happened there, she had to. "Are you sure about that? You really want to go to First Beach?"
"Yes." That one simple word came from my lips in a way that would assure her that I was serious and also aware of what I was saying.
She simply nodded in response and led me back to the car. The silence between us was heavy as we made our way to La Push. I sunk lower in the seat, hoping that I wouldn't see any of the lads from the reservation, the last thing I wanted was Jake knowing that I was here and coming to find me.
Once we parked she let me lead her down onto the vast open expanse of sand. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was soothing as was the smell of salt, heavy in the air. This was the place that I came when I needed to be alone or to think things through. It brought me comfort , despite the fact that the last time I was here I nearly ended my own life.
We walked together along the beach, side by side, I knew that she was waiting for me to speak, once I was sure that my voice would not crack I spoke.
"Jake was my best friend, we did everything together. He protected me at school from the bullies, he was more like a brother to me in some ways. There were never any secrets between us, until I met her." Pausing for a moment I turned to Janet, she indicated to me to continue. "She showed me what it was like to be wanted, desired, I took without thinking of the consequences of my actions." I chuckled darkly as I recalled what my father used to tell me, actions have consequences. "She was using me just as much as I was using her, or so I thought. How was I to know that she was falling for me?"
Turning to her, we stopped walking and she turned to me. "Who are you talking about Edward?"
One word fell from my lips. "Tanya."
Without any hesitation she continued to question me. "Tell me about Tanya. Was she the girl that you were seeing? Did she hurt you?"
I snorted in response. "No, she could never hurt me, she never held that sort of power. Tanya was nothing to me, a quick fuck, nothing more. She was there, available when I needed some relief. Then when I fell in love I rejected her, she brought my world crashing down around me. It wasn't really her fault. It was ultimately mine. I treated her like she was nothing, less than a person. I should've treated her properly. This is my fault, everything. I don't deserve to be happy, this is karma paying me back."
"You shouldn't say that Edward. We all make our own decisions in life. Tanya made hers, just as you did. Maybe they were not the right ones, but you didn't force her to do the things she did. Those were her actions, and she will have to search her own conscience to deal with those. Now you said that you fell in love, why don't you tell me about her."
I sighed. "Bella, she was not someone that I ever thought that I would fall in love with, she was the center of the popular crowd, the ones who made my life hell on a daily basis at school."
Pausing as I thought of Bella allowed Janet time to ask a question.
"But you did fall in love with her. How did that make you feel?"
A smile involuntarily broke out on my face as I thought about how she made me feel. "Wanted, she made me feel special, alive." The smile vanished as I thought about the night of the dance. "Then she threw it all away, threw us away. Making me feel like such a fool. "
"How did she do that?"
I choked back a laugh, turning to face Janet. "She denied us being together, said that it was for a dare. She never wanted me, she was playing with me, using me-"
"Like you used Tanya?"
"What! How can you compare the two?" I snapped. "Bella is nothing like her, she's everything that Tanya isn't. I love her and I never loved Tanya."
Staring at a now smiling Janet I could feel myself feeling like she was laughing at me and I snapped. "What's so funny? You want to let me in on the joke? Or once again I am the joke around here, just like always."
Her face took on a serious demeanor. "Edward, you are not in any way a joke. Don't ever think that. I was smiling because in the heat of your anger and emotions you referred to your relationship with Tanya in the past tense, and Bella in the present tense."
I had no idea what she was talking about. "What the hell do you mean? They are both nothing to me anymore, old news, done."
Janet simply looked at me. "Edward, listen to me. I am telling you to that whatever feelings you had for Tanya-"
I tried to interrupt her. "I told you-" but she raised her hand, causing me to stop.
"As I was saying. The feelings you had for Tanya, whether you chose to accept that you had any in the first place or not, are not there anymore. You moved on when you met Bella, or at least when you two started to talk. We all know that you don't just head straight into a sexual relationship with someone at your age when you feel the way that you do about her. Your feelings for Bella are something that you have never, ever experienced before. It was all new and exciting. I would also imagine that you were confused by what you were feeling too. Did you talk to anyone about it?"
I shook my head. "Not about Bella. We agreed that we would keep things between us until we were sure."
A knowing look was on her face. "So you two saw each other in secret. That must've been hard to manage in such a small town.
"It was, plus her dad is the Police Chief. He nearly caught us the first time at her house, I thought my number was up."
"Close call, and yet you continued to see her? How did it all start? I mean, you don't go from hating someone to being in love with them overnight.
Taking a moment to think, memories came flooding back to me, the first time that I almost knocked her over as she ran in front of my car, taking her to my house so my father could fix her up. The way that she turned up with cookies and a smile, winning my mom over so easily. I wish now that I had listened to my head and resisted her. Could I have been happy with Tanya? No, that was never an option for me. Bella was what I wanted, she brought me out of myself, made me a different person.
"Edward, Are you okay?" Janet's voice broke through my internal musings and I shook my head slightly as I looked at her, trying to shake the thoughts of Bella and our good times together from my head. I needed to keep the fact that she hurt me so badly in the forefront of my mind, that way she could never be allowed to hurt me again.
"Yeah, sorry I was lost in my thoughts for a moment." I smiled at her although it was a weak smile. "What were you saying?"
"Nothing important. I think that we have probably covered enough for today, the last thing that I want to do is to push you too far. We can always continue this another time."
There was a loud rumble of thunder that seemed to match my mood. "Yeah, that would be good." Was my only response.
With that we turned and walked back toward the parking lot as the thunder continued to rumble indicating that there was a storm coming, it was only a matter of time before it struck land.
Hey guys, sorry this has taken SO long to update, it was never my intention for it be this long. My normal beta Cosmom is still on a break at the moment and she is coming back soon, but this is NOT beta'd so any and all mistakes are mine, all mine.
Once Cosmom is back this will have her magic worked on it. Forgive me! I hope that you are still with me.
You have Elaine (sorry don't know your FF Name) to thank for this update, she told me that she was missing this Edward, I know that he is her favourite, so how could I say no?
Lou x x