A/N: This is going to be an odd sort of crossover. I'll be using a children's book that I just heard this morning. I kid you not, this is a real children's book. I heard the audio version, as read by Samuel L. Jackson
Go The Fuck To Sleep
Endymion tucked the comforter around Chibi-Usa's shoulders.
"Daddy, can't I stay up a little longer. I'm not tired, really."
"Yes, you are. Your mother and I have important matters to tend to so you have to go to sleep now."
The cats nestle close to the kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're snug and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please, go the fuck to sleep.
Chibi-Usa pushed the covers back and sat up, "But, I can help."
The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I'll read you one very last book, if you swear
You'll go the fuck to sleep.
Chibi-Usa decided to pull out her trick bag, "Daddy, I'm thirsty."
The eagles that soar through the sky are at rest.
And the creatures that crawl, run, and creep.
I know you're not thirsty, that's bullshit, stop lying.
Lay the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.
"Daddy, I'm hot."
The wind whispers softly through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It's been thirty-eight minutes, already.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.
"Daddy, I need to potty."
All the kids from daycare are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom,
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.
Chibi-Usa slipped out of bed and began playing with one of her dolls. Endymion plucked her up, took the toy away, and set her back onto the mattress, making a mental note to look into leather straps in the morning.
The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fuck up and sleep.
"Daddy, you know what I can do?"
The cubs and the lions are snoring.
Wrapped in a big, snuggly, heap.
How come you can do all this other great shit
But you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?
"Daddy, what do you and mommy do when you stay up?"
The seeds slumber beneath the earth now.
And the crops the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview's over.
I got two words for you, kid: Fucking sleep.
"Daddy, can you get my bear?"
The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your stuffed bear, I'm not getting you shit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.
"Daddy, I promise I'll go right to sleep if you sing a song for me."
The flowers doze low in the meadows.
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure. I'm a shitty-ass parent.
Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.
Endymion began to cry in frustration. Why hadn't Serenity gone out and gotten some more night time cold medicine?
The giant pangolin of Madagascar are snoozing
As I sit here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I'll bring you some milk.
Who the fuck cares? You're not gonna sleep.
Chibi-Usa suddenly sat up and bolted for the door, fleeing down the hall and expecting her father to give chase.
This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the fuck off and sleep.
Endymion sat up and shook his head. Something warm was pressed against his side.
Bleary and dazed, I awaken.
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight so I tiptoe away.
Praying that you're fucking asleep.
"Finally," Endymion muttered to Serenity, "she's down for the count."
"I've timed everything perfectly." She replied, "The popcorn's almost done. The movie is ready. I told you she takes a while to go down."
"I'm just glad she's down."
Serenity spotted some kind of reflection in the television, "Don't be so sure." she muttered.
We're finally watching our movie.
Popcorn's in the microwave. Beep.
Oh, shit. God damn it. You've gotta be kidding me.
Come on, go the fuck back to sleep.