Title: Reflections and Apologizes
Disclaimer: Poor graduate student/intern here. Do you really think I own Harry Potter?
Summary: "If that little idiot thought that he was going to be able to skate through on his fame in his class, he had another thing coming."
Rating: T for Teen
Relationship: Teacher/Student, G/C
A/N: This is actually a story that sprang from MarionRos on to my post of What Might Have Been about how the movie contaminated how disrespectful Harry was in the book and how anyone with eyes could see that Severus was the good person while Harry was the bad one. (That is the simplified version) In the review she/he stated that Harry owed Severus something at the end of the year. (I'll let you read to figure that one out.)
Anyhow, I could not get that comment out of my head and… well this is the product of that review. So MarionRos, here is somewhat the story you stated you wanted to see. And for all you waiting to read more of What Might Have Been…. I'm working on the second story as we speak.
So on with the story!
'thoughts of one observing another.'
If that little idiot thought that he was going to be able to skate through on fame in his class on his fame alone, he had another thing coming. There he was sitting with his little red headed friend making fun of him, the youngest potions master ever, and that boy had the audacity to think that he was better than him? The nerve! The cheek! No one made fun of Severus Snape and got away with it. Just like his father. Why in the world Lily married that cretin, he would never know! Maybe it was Amortentia?
'Time to break up the new celebrity's little party.'
How could Minerva think of rewarding that little attention seeker with a position on the quidditch team? Does she believe that the child is infallible as Dumbledore and the rest of the wizarding world seems to think? Do they not realize that they are putting all their hopes on a child who is being rewarded when he should be punished? Are they attempting to spoil the child further and make him into that ingrate James?
He gave him an invisibility cloak! Is Dumbledore an idiot? Does he not see that the child does not have the maturity, let alone the sense of responsibility to 'use it well?' We should be treating him the same as every other child; punishing him when he is blatantly disobedient and correcting him when he fails, not pandering to the boy's every wish!
Truly the old man is balmy!
The boy went down into the chamber to seek out the stone…. Because he did not think it was safe…. And he was rewarded for his atrocious behavior. Really, does the child not realize that the stone was perfectly safe? Is the Headmaster attempting to solely forge a weapon for the light, a sacrificial lamb? If he is, then the child is as much an idiot as his precious father was for following the old coot so blindly. Does this child not realize that he put the lives of his friends and his own life in mortal danger by rashly going through those protections? Did he really think that we had not had a back-up plan to keep the stone from the wrong hands? What makes this child believe that he is so special? Does he truly think that he is better than everyone else?
7 years later….
"Sir I wanted to apologize…." Harry starts off saying to Professor Snape from his seat in front of him. "I acted atrociously towards your house and towards you. You were giving me the one thing that I have come to want over the years, but I was too blind to see. You treated me like everyone else. Not as someone special, but as an ordinary child with too much responsibility on his plate."
'Not exactly Potter. You were just an ordinary child, but you already had a big head from the praise you received in Gryffindor.'
The boy leaned forwards towards Severus and looked directly at him.
"I treated you with as much disdain as my father had. I… I grew up being bullied. I understand what it must have felt like and I apologize for becoming one myself. I was an idiot. I am an idiot." Harry said with a sigh, sinking back into his seat.
'I won't disagree with you there Potter.'
"I should have listened to the people who were actually attempting to teach me and keep my feet on the ground." He looked down in embarrassment. "Instead I just went along with those who wanted me to be someone else. For Ron and Dumbledore I was the perfect Gryffindor. For Hermione I was the stupid friend who needed her help to get through classes. For Mr. and Mrs. Weasley I was the special child of some old friends. For Sirus I was my father. For Remus I was a reminder of good times. For the Dursleys' I was a reminder of all that was bad in the world. For Ginny I was and am to be the perfect boyfriend and husband. I have never been me. Hell, I am pretty sure that I don't even want to be an auror or marry Ginny!"
Harry looked over at Snape once more. "You were right. I never tried at school, at Occlumency, or at anything that required me to do better than average. What's really sad is that I was capable of doing the work, but I was so wrapped up in who I was supposed to be, I forgot to be who I wanted to be. I've always just wanted to be Harry, just Harry. Instead I attacked the one person who could have allowed me to do just that, you. And for that I am truly sorry."
'They say that it is better late than never, but is this not ridiculously too late?' Severus thought as he stared at the pensive and distraught young man.
"I know this is too late."
'You are quite right.'
"But I had to say it to someone. I had to apologize for being so much like my dad and not enough like my mother." Harry said picking at some clovers between the stones on the ground.
'Why did you choose me Pott… Harry, I wonder?' Severus thought to himself as he steepled his hands in front of him and turned a serious gaze on the young wizard before him.
"I don't want to continue this charade anymore, sir." Harry said looking up at the potion master once more. "You of all people should know how draining it is to put on a front. I don't want to be the person they expect me to be, any more than I think you truly wanted to be the greasy git of the dungeons."
Harry paused for a moment than looked down briefly with a sarcastic smile. "Then again… you might have wanted just that."
'Indeed. It kept the riffraff away.'
"I'm sure, however, that you wanted to help us. You did so much. You were forced to pay too high of a price in a game where you truly did not receive anything really of value in return." This time when Harry looked at him, the younger wizard was grinning quite cheekily. "How Slytherin was that?"
'I did get something out of it. Just not what most Slytherins would consider profitable.' Snape thought as he stared at the younger man. This man was not the snotty eleven-year-old brat so heavily influenced by young Mister Weasley that the older wizard had met all those years ago. This was a thoughtful young man who had allowed others too much control over his life.
The young boy hesitated before speaking once more. "I wish I could go back in time and smack my younger self over the head. I was stupid. I allowed others to influence how I saw your Slytherins and you. I wish I could change things so much. You do not deserve to be dead."
Severus looked at Harry from his perch on his gravestone. 'I am not sure I agree with you Harry, I betrayed my best friend.'
"Did you know that I was supposed to be in Slytherin. How different would it have been if I had been?"
'Now that is a frightening, but interesting thought.'
"I also almost apologized at the end of first year before the feast." Harry was looking in Snape's direction once more. "I was going to tell you that I wanted to make up for all the bad things I thought about you. I chickened out. Pretty lame for a Gryffindor, right? If I ever really was a Gryffindor…. I felt guilty at first, but Professor Dumbledore's speech and awarding Ron, 'Mione, Neville, and I points made me believe that how we acted and thought had been justified."
'I always told Dumbledore that he was awarding points where they would be misconstrued.'
"What I wanted to say was I'm sorry." Harry paused looking down to the flowers he had been clutching in his hands. "For everything and anything. I probably made your life a living hell."
'That is correct, Harry.'
"Again, I'm sorry." Harry said as he stared at the flowers he had moments before been clutching tightly. Clearing his thought, he looked once more in Severus' direction. "I brought you something."
Severus just watched as the boy fell to his knees in front of his grave.
"Aster for patience." Harry laid the red bloom down on the grave bed.
"An orange chrysanthemum to wish you a peaceful rest, a white one for the truths you imparted, and a yellow one for jilted love." Harry once more laid down the flowers, but this time he looked up. "I am sorry she did not marry you. I think you would have made her happy."
'I am not sure of that Potter, but I appreciate your sentiment; no matter how sappy and Gryffindor-like.'
"Daffodil for unrequited love and my now unyielding respect for you."
'Took you long enough to appreciate my efforts, brat.' Severus thought with a snort.
"Gladious for strength of character." A pink flower came to rest on the Potion Master's grave.
'You are making me sound like a Gryffindor, Potter.'
"Heather for admiration." The sweet smelling purple flower was laid gently down next to the other flowers.
"A purple hydrangea for my sincerest apologizes for my ill behavior." This time Harry seemed to be tracing the words on his tombstone with his eyes as he laid the flower down.
"A white lily for your virtue… and in hopes that mum and you are friends once more."
Harry paused for a long moment, before gently laying the last flower, a small purple one, on the Potion Master's grave. "And statice because I will miss you and getting to know you better."
Slowly the boy got up. He looked at the grave. "I wish you were here to tell me to quite wallowing in my egocentrism and to do something about it," came the young man's soft whisper.
Severus felt his heart breaking for the boy. Despite being a grown young man, the younger wizard was still emotionally a child. "I do as well. I wish I could have heard that first apology, saved you from this, and changed how things turned out for both of us."
Harry whipped around, swearing that he had heard his potion professor's voice. As his attention turned back to the grave, he paled.
"Professor?" The young man whispered in a shaky voice.
The flowers on the grave began to glow.
Suddenly Severus was looking down at an eleven-year-old Harry Potter. The boy was looking up at his awe and fear in his eyes. Severus saw the two souls, one older and one younger, blending in the boy's eyes; a reflection of what was happening to him.
'Old magic.' The younger Severus thought as he allowed the older one to blend with him, a feat he originally believed his younger self would never have allowed.
He felt the older one agree with the younger Severus' statement, 'Older than time. Wish magic. Guardian magic.'
"I just came to say I'm sorry for my behavior sir." Harry said softly in a semi-confused voice.
'His younger self is possibly wondering where he is getting the nerve to apologize and why he has two sets of emotions running through him. I would have been confused if this happened to me when I was eleven as well.' Severus idly thought as he watched the confusion mixed with the determination in the boy's eyes.
Harry continued to speak, seemingly realizing that Severus was listening to him. "I apologize. I acted horribly this year, particularly in your class. I wanted you to know…"
The boy bit his lip, attempting to organize his jumbled thoughts. Severus just continued to look down at the boy, organizing his two viewpoints and thoughts into a coherant mindset. The hatred he had towards the boy dwindled as the two sides integrated into one.
"I believe an older version of you made a similar, but more eloquent apology Mr. Potter." Severus said in his silky voice looking down at the boy. Slowly, the 32-year-old wizard bent down to his level. "But I appreciate and accept your apology. Both of them."
Harry looked down at the floor and scoffed his shoe on the floor. "Thank you sir."
Severus nodded curtly, "You are most welcome."
Harry looked up at his professor, both selves finally integrated. "Sir, what happens now?"
Severus looked down at the boy. "We work to change this for the better. For both of us. Firstly telling Dumbledore that those house points were not rightly earned."
The boy nodded, though Severus was sure the boy's younger side was arguing that it was unfair as his gaze turned downwards. The potion master carefully placed his hand below the boy's chin. "You are once more a child Harry, allow yourself to be a child. I will take care of you this time."
"You don't have to do that, sir. My behavior is my own fault and it is mine own job to correct it." The boy responded almost automatically.
Severus looked down at the boy and shook his head. He crouched down in front of the child. "It is not a child's job to take care of himself or learn how to correct his own behavior. I believe that is the reason you got into as much trouble as you did the first time."
The brat at least had the decency to blush.
"Besides that point, I was referring to taking you in so as not to have you return to those negligent relatives whose rules probably fuel your impulses to misbehave when you are not in their keeping." Severus stated pointedly.
Harry glared at the older wizard, though his glare did not have much heat. 'His experiences from his older life are probably verifying my statements.'
"That is a bit unfair sir."
"Yes, but true." Severus said as he raised an elegant eyebrow. "Professor McGonagall does allow you Gryffindors to run wild. Especially you. Know that I will be holding you accountable for your behavior from now on."
"What are you saying sir?" Harry asked wearily, watching his potion teacher carefully.
'Good child. You have a right and common sense to be weary. Very different then when Black offered you a place in his home.' Severus thought with an internal smirk. 'Do not worry that will not be happening this time. You will be a child this time and you will not be gallivanting after the mutt this time, anymore then you will soon remember the events that occurred in the future clearly. Ah… the blessings of youth.'
"I am offering you a home, Harry where you will receive both discipline and unconditional acceptance for being who you truly are." Severus replied as he felt the corners of his lips turn upwards.
He watched as the gamut of emotions flashed across the boy's face. 'Yes, do not worry child. I will neither force you to be an auror nor marry Miss Weasley. We will see if you are better able to woo Miss Granger this time around than the last.'
Harry smiled. "I'd like that sir."
Severus nodded and held out his hand. "I believe Mr. Potter, we have an accord then."
Harry looked at the older man's, soon to be his guardian's, hand. He looked up into the dark eyes, just searching.
"I believe we do, Professor Snape." Slowly, the child reached out his hand and clasped Severus'. "I truly believe we do."
"It means," said Aslan, "that thought the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she does not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have reach a different incantation."
A/N: Here is MarionRos' response/challenge I was presented: .#cutid1
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