Love or Death
Author's Note: Starfire feels alone. She feels unloved. What will happen? Will she die, or will she love?
(Sorry if the spelling is off. The spellcheck on my computer isn't working right now but I wanted to get this up.)
(Also thank you to everybody who has given me such wonderful feedback. I hope you all enjoy the second one-shot I've ever writen)
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. Sorry for being so blunt about it.
I know that he could never feel this way about me. I've always known, just never believed it to be true. Before I've tried to make him see me, but that was impossible. So if he cannot see me, he will not miss me.
My love for him would end up killing one of us, I'd rather it be me. It's not his fault that he is perfect in everyway. It's not his fault that I feel things that are forbidden for me to feel about him. It is mine, so I am the one who should be punished.
As I walk the halls of the sleeping tower, I am saying goodbye. Goodbye blue furry food. Goodbye Silkie. Goodbye the station of games. Fair well Cyborg. So long Beast Boy. I will miss you Raven. I will love you forever my silent, sweet, sleeping Robin.
I stop in front of his door, I look at my hands. They hold a note. Just a note, but it's still special. It's a very special note for Robin.
I sigh, and I walk into the room. I do not make a sound. I know that if I make any noise, I could wake up Robin. I do not want to wake him. He is looking to peaceful for me too wake him. Besides, I do not want to be in the room when he reads my note.
But when I walk into the room, there are some things that are off. His lights are still on. That makes me afraid that he is still up and sees me in his room. But when I turn to his desk, I can see him, slumped over, and I hear him snoring. I realized that he is asleep. I now know that I could not wake him, for he is in a deep sleep. So I walk over to his beautiful body.
His mask is off, showing all of his face. His beautiful face… I've gotta stop thinking about Robin that way! If it wasn't for him being so beautiful, then I wouldn't want to kill myself. I wouldn't be rereading the note, then placing it in his open hand. I wouldn't be stroking his hair and looking at his face. This is the first time I see him without a mask, and yet his eyes are still hidden. Forever they will be hidden.
"Robin," I whisper in his ear ever so softly. "Please friend, do not be very lobstery when you read my note." I do not think that he can hear me, but it is just good to ask him of it. All I can do now is pray to X'hal that he will obey.
As I leave the room, a tear slips out of my eye. I can't help it, I don't want to leave him, but I have to. If I stay around him for too long, it may make me even sadder. I do not like the sadness. It makes me unable to use my powers. I need to use my powers for what's to come.
I walk up the stairs to the roof, slowly though. Why? I am too sad to even lift up my head. It's hard to even walk. All the joy has been sucked out of me. I need to think of something joyful though. I need to for what I am destined to do.
On the roof, I fly up. Just straight up. I get my joy by thinking about how happier I will be. I will be with my parents again. Oh how I miss them! I cannot wait to be with my mother and father again. I cannot wait to get away from this world.
More tears spill of my eyes. They are not for my parents. They are not for wanting to leave this world. They are not for my teammates. They are neither for the fear of death nor the fear for pain. Instead it's the fear of what Robin will do when he reads my letter. I can still see the worlds before my eyes. Closing my eyes I can still see them.
You are my best friend. You have been since we first met, but that does not do for me anymore. Unlike you, I wish for more than friendship, but that is not possible. You do not wish for more, so you shall not get more.
When you read this letter, it will be too late. You will go up to the roof only to fin my limp, lifeless body. You are my heart, body, mind, and soul. You barely even hug me, or even touch me in anyway. You are very hands off. You are too perfect for me, so I will die for you. But since you have not noticed me, you will not miss me. If you will not miss me, then you will not be sad.
These words are not the words I dare to tell you in person, but I will in this letter. I love you. I always have, I always shall. I will love you even after I die. I will love you even if you are in hell and I in heave, or you in heaven and I in hell. The point that is here is that, I fell head over heels for you since we first met.
Your Friend Forever (even in death),
As I read the note over, and over in my mind, even more tears stream down my face. I try to fly faster, but I am feeling so low that I cannot believe that I am still up in the air. I can even hear what sounds like a shout. A scream. A name. A familiar voice. As I look below all I see is what looks like a particle of dust, but I know it to be the roof of the tower.
Suddenly I just let myself fall. I let all the happiness drain out of me. I cry, though I know it will all be over soon.
Silkie will miss his k'norfka. Beast Boy will miss having somebody to eat the tofu with him. Cyborg will miss having someone who knows that what it is like to be hated or judged just because of your looks. Raven will miss having somebody to meditate with her, and just having another girl around. Robin…
Robin is the one who will not miss me. He claims that I am his "best friend." If I really am his best friend, then he would act like his old self around me. He acts the same around the others, barely even acts around me. It's as if I'm not there. As if I was already dead. He is the one who makes me want to die.
As I fall I try to not let anymore tears come, but it does not help. They still fall. They become a waterfall, spilling out of both my eyes.
Again the voice calls. This time I can make out what it is saying. "Starfire fly! C'mon Star! Do it for me! Wouldn't you do it for Robin?"
The voice sounds so desperate, so helpless that I almost give in. Then I think about all of my losses. I think about losing my parents. I think about almost losing Robin several times as well. It's what brings me down. It's what brings down my spirit.
"I cannot!" I scream back. "There is too much pain! There is too much sorrow! I must end this for myself, and for Robin!"
Suddenly I stop falling. I'm not dead, which surprises me. These arms feel so familiar that I feel safe and loved again. I open my eyes to see who caught me. My eyes are greeted with icy orbs. They look both worried and relieved. Worried that they would loose me, relieved that they saved me.
"You lied," The owner of the eyes says to me. "Your letter claimed that you would be dead, but here you are, safe in my arms. This happens a lot doesn't it?"
"Robin?" I gasp. "Why did you go up to the roof? Why would you care? Why did you save me and not let me fall?"
Robin then pulls me into the hug. It makes me feel safe and loved, again. He had this effect on me some how. I mean, yes I love him, but I read in the Earth books that if only gets this deep if the boy has feelings as well. I know this is not true, Robin does not feel for me that way. Did the book lie?
"Star, I was worried about you. When I got your letter," Robin pulls away to look into my eyes. "I needed to make sure that you were OK, that it wasn't too late. And when I read that you thought that I didn't care. Starfire you are my best friend! Of course I care! I care about you and the others more than anything else in the world."
For five minute we stay like that, looking into each others eyes. It is the closest we have been for seven months. It feels so bad, but in the good way. You know, the way that it makes a monk cringe to look at. It's the way that makes the girl swoon and sigh. I wish it could stay like this all the time.
"So, you really love me?" Robin suddenly speaking makes me jump. So does what he said. "I mean, they weren't just words? You really meat them?"
I gulp. I freeze. I sweat. There is nowhere to hide. There is no escaping the question.
"Well… Umm… I just… You see…" I stammer trying to find the right words. But what could I do? Here I am, my heart against what I want to tell Robin. And here's Robin, smiling a weird smile. I stop blabbering long enough to notice this. "Why are you smiling like that at me?"
Suddenly Robin presses his lips into mine. His arms are wrapped around me once again. It takes me about two seconds to realize what he is doing. He is kissing me. I let my body go limp and I kiss him back. My eyes close and I can feel myself movie my arms to his strong back. He messes with my long hair. It feels good. No, great. Nope, great is still under exaggerating. It is perfect.
We pull away, both needing air. Both of us smile. "Maybe I was wrong about you Robin."