The secret to great writing is to occasionally fart up a metaphor.


One day, shortly after Hinata had completed her daily ritual of curing cancer through smiles and rescuing puppies from burning buildings, the greatest thing ever happened.

The noise of approaching footsteps popped her out of her concentrated reverie, and as she turned to look in curiosity, her grandiose orbs spotted the approaching figure of Naruto.

Instantly a blush filled her face, but this only made her all the more beautiful. Without preamble, the blond ninja clasped her hands in his.

"Ah! N-n-naruto-kun!" Hinata wheezed in an extremely sexy way, but he cut her off.

"Hinata!" he squeezed her perfectly manicured hands, "I had to rush home and tell you that I've just realized that I'm madly in love with you!"

Hinata blinked tears of joy out of her eyes. The sun peeked out from behind a sea of clouds, illuminating the two teenagers. Hinata's hair sparkled with the fury of a thousand unicorns. "Oh, Naruto-kun," she whispered without a trace of nervousness, having miraculously gained a backbone recently, "you really mean it?"

"That's right!" he nodded, "I have magically and inexplicably realized that you deserve to have me by your side because you have been so devoted to me, unlike that stupid pink-haired broad! Despite the fact that we've shared only 15 lines of dialogue over the span of 16 years, I know that I'm madly in love with you. It's only fair!"

"So then," Hinata said, ""when you turned kyuubi for me, it was out of love and not out of concern?"

Naruto grinned broadly, the impeccable reflection of Hinata glinting in his pearly whites. "That's right! Only you, Hinata. If another person had been in your place, I would have laughed as they died. After you saved me in a completely competent and not selfish way, I began to fall in love with you. I looked up and saw your radioactive hair blowing in the wind, and the orgasm of sparkles that floated around your face. It was a sign from heaven."

"And, the reason why you waited so long to tell me of your affections-?"

"I was merely preoccupied," Naruto said slowly, "Every fiber of my being wanted to rush home into your shapely and attractive arms, but that cow Sakura-chan kept me from you."

Hinata was mollified to hear this. She had long suspected that Naruto too had loved her, but that convenient restrictions had prevented the two from consummating their love. It was nice to hear reaffirmation. But she still wanted to know more. "And you and Sakura-chan are just…friends?" she asked in a voice as sweet and smooth as angel semen.

"Not even that, Hinata," He said. A warm feeling spread through her nipples when he addressed her without the suffix. "I have become enlightened. Your light has entered me and opened my eyes. Sakura-chan is a selfish whore that has never once put others before herself, unlike you. After she lied to me, I uncharacteristically hated her, even after I learned she was attempting to protect me."

"So-so then, all that development between you two-"

"Nothing! Kishi was merely trolling."

Hinata smiled, and the radiance instantly fixed world hunger. Then, she paused. "But, Naruto-kun-"

"Please, just call me by my name," he interrupted.

"N-n-naruto," at her words a rift in the time-space continuum opened and then closed, "what about your quest to bring back Sasuke?"

He shook his head, smiling softly. "It turns out that was just a distraction that I created to keep myself from you. I can see that now. Nothing else in the world matters beside you and your happiness. Now come, abandon your clan and loved-ones further and be with me!"

"Oh Naruto! Of course I will!" Hinata gasped, pulling her hands out of Naruto's and throwing them around his manly neck. She held him close for a few minutes, feeling his manly pulsating manliness through her skin.

Hinata pulled back from Naruto, smiling. She removed her jacket and pants in one flourish, revealing a sexy lace-trimmed teddy and thigh-high fishnet stockings. She blushed shyly. Her DD boobs bounced of their own free will, growling and pawing at Naruto.

Then they embraced each other and the heavens opened up as a chorus of angels surrounded them, singing songs of praise and merriment. God looked down and bestowed upon them the Holy Thumbs-Up. Hinata's warm squishy lips pressed against Naruto's. Her delicate tongue danced inside his mouth like a beautiful ballerina. Naruto dug his fingers into her silky hair. Bunnies and deer emerged from the forest and pranced around them.

The end.

P.S. Don't worry, Sakura is dead. She imploded from lack of development.