Hiya~! I really ought to be updating 'The Broken Hearts Club' but then this idea shot me in the ass~! ^_^
I'll have you know that I completely adore Spain. He is my sweetheart and after torturing him so much, I decided to write this in order to make up for all the crap I put him through in my other story~!
Warning: Jealous Lovino is Jealous and swearing. A lot. Ummm...that's about it.
Disclaimer: After extensive searching of each DVD box, I found no contract declaring I was the owner of Hetalia...yet...
You could call this Spamano...but it's very soft and fluffy. Like, you could see them as a couple in this, or just a Boss and his Henchman. You can see which angle I went for though~! ^_^
Jealous Romano and Mama Spain and Turtles! Oh My!
"Ehhh~! Romano, I think I'll call this one Miguel! Or should I call it Miguela? Romano, how do I know if a turtle is a boy or a girl?"
This has been going on for five hours now.
"Ah! Never mind! I'll call France, he'll know!"
Five. Fucking. Hours.
"Romano~! Where's my phone?"
That's five hours of his life he'll never get back. Ever.
"Hey! Romano, are you listening to me? Don't ignore your boss!"
Then don't order me around! Bastard!
Romano glanced up from where he was lounging on the sofa, giving his so-called 'Boss' a deadpanned glare. Spain was currently sitting on the floor, surrounded by hundreds of baby sea turtles, all of which were looking up at the Spaniard as if he were God.
The Italian couldn't disagree with that thought any more than he already did.
Also, he was pretty sure that this time yesterday, those sea turtles were being shipped off to the sea. Or a restaurant. Anywhere that wasn't here, dammit!
"You're an idiot and I don't care," he said, closing his eyes once more to block out the sight of all the...vermin that were leeching off of his Boss' body. Spain frowned and turned to face the boy properly.
"Hey Romano! Don't insult their Mama like that, it's not good for them!" he said, absentmindedly petting a turtle on his knee. Ah yes, another thing Spain had taken to. He saw himself as some sort of 'mother-figure' to the damn things. Che. Idiot.
"Oh? I can't imagine why it woul—" Romano started, a dark smirk on his face.
"They'll end up as foul-mouthed as you! That's not good. Or cute for that matter," Spain interrupted him brightly, a pretty grin on his face. Romano flushed with anger and threw a pillow at the Spaniard, hitting him straight in the face.
"Stupid idiot! There's nothing wrong with my mouth!" he spat and slouched further down on the sofa in a sulk. Spain chuckled and threw the pillow back.
"Be careful Romano! You almost hit the turtles!" he warned, his eyes flickering over his babies to ensure that no damage had been made. When he was certain that his turtles were safe, Spain relaxed and returned to his original task.
He picked a turtle up and nuzzled it softly, the creature cooed back in response. "Ah! So cute~! I'll name you after Romano, so you can be called...Lolita~!"
Romano's eye twitched. "Bastard! Don't go naming them after me! You have to return the damn things back anyway! Don't you dare get attached!" he snapped, knowing already that once you name something, you become bonded to that thing for life. Especially if that thing is cute.
Not that the turtles were cute. They were damn annoying and the very opposite of cute.
"Ah! I can't give them back~! They need me. Look how much they love their Mama~!" Spain cried passionately, indicating to the turtles that all pawed at his legs and gazed up at him with adoration. Romano grimaced.
"Fine, but when you get arrested for stealing endangered animals, don't come crying to me," Romano stated, glaring at the annoying beasts.
"Romano, they'll be more endangered in the sea than at my home. I'll keep them safe and protected from predators and soup pots~!" Spain declared, blowing kisses to the creatures around him.
Yeah. Blowing kisses to all the damn things but me. Bastard.
Romano sighed and gazed up at the ceiling. It always, always came back to protecting the 'babies' and ensuring that the 'babies' were safe and warm and happy. What happened to making sure that he was safe and warm and happy? Eh? Or did Spain give up on him already?
Swallowing hard at the thought, Romano glanced over worriedly. Not that he'd let Spain see that, of course.
It wouldn't be that damn surprising. Everyone else gave up, so why wouldn't he? After all, he has his stupid fucking turtles now.
"Ehhh~! She licked me Romano~! Ah, you are so cute! You can be called Bella~! Wait 'til Belgium hears about you~!"
It used to be me who you would coo about to Belgium. Me. Not some damn pathetic animals who don't know whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable.
"Let's see...you can be called...Alejandro!"
I do though. I know that a tomato is a fruit. I know that you love it when a tomato has just turned red. I know that you name every tomato in that field. And that you then feel bad when you have to pluck them from the plant, 'cause it's their 'home'. I know that you adore these stupid, fucking things because they remind you of how you wanted to treat the people in the New World, but didn't.
Bastard. I know all that shit and yet you still prefer a Goddamn turtle over me.
"H-Hey! That tickles! You can be my little Carmelita!"
I thought I was 'your little Romanito', what happened to that? Did you seriously fucking replace me with something that ought to be eaten?
"Oi, Romano? Do you think this one looks like an Adelita?"
I think she looks like a bowl of soup with some bread on the side.
"I know! This one should be Valentino, no? He looks cute~!"
He'll look even cuter on my dinner plate with some basil sprinkled on top.
"Hmmmm...ah! I got it; you can be Bonita~!"
Stupid bastard. Ignoring me. All the damn time. Pay some fucking attention to me!
"Hey Romano, I just remembered something!" Spain stated, turning slightly to face the moody Italian boy. Romano sat up a little and glared.
Oh, so you remembered I was here? Stupid bastard. Not that I need your attention...it's just...nice. Once in a while. Spanish fucker.
"What wonderful thing did your tiny brain remember now?" Romano drawled, quirking a brow.
"Who's going to babysit the turtles when we're not here? I guess Belgium could, but Netherlands is being mean and told her to stay away from us. I don't know why, I think he's going through the same hormonal stage that you're at. I suppose France could babysit them, but I don't think he likes turtles," Spain started, and then went on. And on. For five minutes. Without pausing. At all.
If Romano wasn't so pissed at being called 'hormonal' then he would have been privately impressed. But he wasn't.
"Spain! Shut up! The turtles can look after themselves and if not, then I'm sure there's a nice chef down the road that could deal with them," Romano snapped, eyeing the little termites darkly. Oh yes, the chef down the road would take great care of them.
God, Romano could almost taste the soup right now.
"R-Romano! That's an awful joke! The chef down the road would just eat my babies and we can't have that! Stop glaring at them, you'll give them nightmares!" Spain cried, shielding as many of his turtles' eyes as he could.
The Italian just sighed and fell back onto the sofa with a sigh. He was surrounded by idiots. He would go home, but then of course, he's be surrounded by more idiots. And even worse, they'd be German idiots too.
Fucking potato-munchers preying all over his stupid brother! And why the fuck was Spain kissing a turtle? Didn't he know that those things could be riddled in diseases?
I'm not though. Bastard.
"You love your Mama, don't you~? Of course you do~!" Spain cooed, nuzzling his nose into the turtle's head. He looked absolutely ridiculous and not at all cute in the slightest. In. The. Slightest.
"Stupid fucker..." Romano mumbled, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. Spain's ears pricked at his mumble and he tilted his head to regard Romano's sullen expression. Spain wondered why he was so upset when it came to him. God, it was so obvious!
Spain had been naming these turtles all by himself and he hadn't even considered what Romano would call them. How selfish of him; it was so obvious that Romano wanted to join in and he was just too shy to admit it! God, could his henchman get any cuter~?
Spain then plucked a turtle up from the group and held him up to Romano. "Romano, what do you think this turtle would go with?" he asked, smiling softly.
The Italian glanced over to the baby turtle wriggling in his Mama's hands and snorted. "A side order of salad, maybe?" he said, snickering slightly.
Spain's eyes lit up and he beamed. "You think he's hungry? Hey Romano, do turtles even eat salad?" he said, his eyes bright and happy as he gazed down at his baby turtle.
Romano blinked and sighed. You never look at me like that anymore. Stupid bastard.
"I think I'll call you Leandro~! Ahh~! Cute Leandro~!" Spain cooed, rubbing his cheek against the turtle's shell softly. Evidently, he had completely forgotten about his plan to involve Romano in the naming of his babies.
Romano's eye twitched as he decided to fling up his proverbial white flag. "Fuck this, I'm going!" he snapped, unable to take it any longer. Spain gasped and clutched the turtle to his chest, eyes wide with worry.
"Romano!" he scolded. "Don't use such bad language around our babies!"
The Italian flushed, his eyes wide horror. Our babies? Our. Babies. Did Romano look like a fucking baby-daddy to him? And when did he even agree to share custody of the little pests? Who the hell did Spain think he is? First, he spends all of his time smothering the little fuckers with love, then he completely blanks him and now he's declaring him as the daddy of his stupid baby turtle-brats?
Fuck. That. Shit.
"'Our babies' can go burn in a boiling pot of water, so they can make me some fucking soup!" he snapped and turned heel to storm out of the room and into the kitchen. Presumably to get said boiling pot of water, but for the sake of the baby turtles, let's just pretend that he isn't.
"Romano! That's not very nice. Or cute. You'll give them nightmares~!" Spain called after him, his green eyes filled with concern and worry. Glancing down at his babies, Spain blinked and then looked back up at the kitchen. "Ah Romano~! You're so cute when you're jealous~!" he sang, his eyes filled with happiness and sparkles.
"Maybe I should go after him, just to make sure he doesn't hurt himse—ACK!" he cried, a sharp pain flaring in his finger. Spain gazed down and noticed a very angry-looking turtle glaring back up at him. Spain cocked his head to the side and lifted the turtle up gently. The turtle genuinely seemed to be pissed off and turned his head away from the worried Spaniard.
Spain blinked at the turtle, silently studying him with large green eyes. He rubbed the turtle's shell gently, only to have the baby snap at him again. His eyes flickered to the kitchen and then to the turtle again. A slow smile began to form as a thought hit him at once, and his eyes filled with happiness once again.
"Ah~! I know what to call you! You shall be Romanito and you'll be my favourite~!" Spain declared, kissing the turtle sweetly on the head.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Romano had frozen in place. His face was blooming a beautiful red and he seemed unable to breathe.
Whether this was due to his choking on the tomato he was eating, or whether it was due to him overhearing Spain's declaration, we'll never know. Either way, he certainly wasn't breathing and probably won't be for the next few minutes.
"Hey Romano! France said we needed to get the turtles 'fixed'! What does that mean? Are my babies broken? Are they Romano? Romano!"
Oh Spain~! ^_^
I hope you liked it~!
And now I shall go back to kicking my ass into gear in order to update my other story~!
Perty please review! ^_^
Love City Girl