Disclaimer: I do not own Kuragehime!
This is it, right? That's all I'm really good for.
Drowning… drowning… *hic*
It's an endless sea. Everything is blue.
My body feels like its just floating there in a vast, empty space, but I'm nowhere near the surface or the floor. I can't go for air, so why can't I just near the bottom faster?
Alcohol… *hic* Can't I have gotten one last drink at least to say my goodbyes? Oh wait. That's right. There's nobody to say goodbye to. Not even that old fart who's been calling me every night to do lunch the next day for "business negotiations" or some bullshit like that. I'd probably call that other guy, though and make him feel like a total asshole. That would be great. Too bad I wouldn't be able to see his face.
Goddamn. I'm so pathetic that it's disgusting.
I wonder how I look right now. Face under water, hair and makeup messy. At least if I was going to die I should have made an effort to look pretty.
Eww! Oh God! I saw my reflection! I look so freaking nasty right now! Ooh not even an undertaker could fix this mess!
Maybe I should lay off the alcohol.
Yeah, I'm gonna stop. I'll put the bottle down and sit back.
That's better. I'm feeling more relaxed. But what's that damn noise. My phone?
Twelve missed calls it says. Ha, he took the bait. What a virgin.
Take a swagger of alcohol. I'm sinking a little lower. *hic*
He's trying to call again. I'll humor him this time and pick up.
All I hear is a bunch of blabbering. I don't have time for this. I drank too much. I wanna sleep. I was fine before you called again.
Wait you say? *hic*
Wait? Wait for what? I'm through with all that. I gave up on being patient a long time ago. How am I supposed to be that person when I sense opportunity? Am I supposed to just sit there and expect something to happen on my own?
Mother taught me that best. In my youth I admired her most. She was independent, hardworking and not to mention beautiful. I think I saw men attracted by her come in and out of our front door more than I've heard the bed creak late at night and crying combined. She wasted no time. Back then I needed a father who was unwilling to leave and cheat, so Mother did her best to find one.
At first it was a poor choice in men that was the problem. Or that's what I thought whenever I found her early in the morning sitting on our porch smoking a cigarette and I asked he what was wrong, Mother would say something like "It didn't work out" or "We had no chemistry".
Only once did a guy ever work out. He and Mother fell so in love that they decided to get married.
A week later I found Mother in her usual stress relief habitat before heading off to school. I can recall the nervous ache building in my stomach as I asked her what happened.
She said it was amazing how the very thing that's supposed to make everything better can cause your world to crumble to pieces. When I asked her what she was talking about, Mother told me to go away.
It turned out the night before her fiancé died in a car accident. I don't think Mother was even this upset when Father left us for his mistress.
But even that didn't stop Mother from trying to find her beau. And I never stopped watching her heart break over and over. By my teens I hadn't been much closer to her, concentrating on my grades and excelling. I didn't want to be like Mother. I wanted to be totally independent. I had plans to get out there and make a name for myself, have enough income for a good life.
There was no man in the picture, no family. Not unless there was dough involved. Blackmail? You got it. Negotiations? Oh yeah. Promotion deals? Of course. Pleasure? No, sir I'm not in it for that. All I need inside of your pants is the wad of cash filling that obnoxious wallet. Yeah, I know I'm a skank. But that's what you like about me. That's how everyone else feels. Why do you think I was called the Virgin Killer? Besides, there's no guy I can think of that doesn't like curves in all the right places. I bet even that whore back at Amamizukan hanging out with those otaku can probably agree. That girl and those implants strapped to her chest have probably made quite a number of walks around the block.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I worked hard to get where I am. Just take a look at my degree in business. I had a 3.5 GPA. And I went without touching the professors.
But in the real world, nobody gives a shit about that. People only hire you if you're good for something. Otherwise, why bother? I've pulled many late nights and lost precious hours of sleep and money towards all the makeup I had to buy to make myself look decent. After all, who's gonna want a working girl that looks like a pig compared to a total bombshell? How can you take someone like that seriously?
All I did was take matters into my own hands. People have moved on up faster than me who did the same job as me no better and no worse. Why? Because they did the same thing.
So what's the sense in feeling like a whore? Sure, I felt bad at first when I looked in the mirror the next day, but I just primped myself up properly and moved on. Put on a fresh coat of lipstick and a smile. It's no different than anything else.
And then there's him.
It's funny. I've been in bed with Koibuchi without actually seducing him.
Then why do I feel a connection?
Why do I feel like drowning?
And I'm positive he's not forcing my head underwater.
I want to get to the bottom. I'd like to get there if it means forgetting about him.
Put down the bottle. Grab the vitamins. Swallow them. It's not gonna kill me. I don't need to die-certainly not because of a tight assed virgin!
There's a loud creak. Footsteps. Vision hazy. I see a pair of glasses. *hic*
Oh, hey it's Koibuchi! You thought I was dead? Ha, I really must have fooled you! I can't be worn down so easily!
Come on now… don't look at me like that!
Did you just…?
That hurt. That really hurt.
It's not even the slap to the face. You're tearing. You look sad… Just like Mother did. *hic*
I don't have the energy to get back up and chase after you. Just go. Get on home. I meant it. I'll leave you alone. Let me forget about you.
Erase your memory of me first. I violated you without really touching you. There's no reason to come back for me. There was no reason to check up on me and pull me back to the surface. All you did was allow the process to take place again.
Yes, I used you without your consent to seal the deal on reconstruction of Amamizukan completely. I used the opportunity. My cards were played according to plan. You're no longer in this game, so please stop playing even after you have admitted defeat because I certainly won't.
Ugly… I'm so ugly…
My cheek feels all swollen. It's probably beat red.
Disgusting… I feel…
Dizzy. I'm drowning. Why is the ocean gray? Is there a storm?
Sleepy… I need to rest so I can dream.
I'll be under the water again. It's the only place where I can relax. And there's no way you're taking that dream from me.
Mother, this isn't like the movies. I'm not starring in a romantic comedy where all goes right with a peachy happy ending. I exist in the real world. And the one person who seemed to truly care about me for a moment doesn't belong with me. Nobody does.
A/N: So in a couple of days I watched Kuragehime and I loved it! While there is a lot of clichés that go on, they're carried out so beautifully that they became something totally different and heartwarming. I have not yet read the manga, but I hope there's a peak into Shoko Inari's life. Seen by the perspective, I'm sure there's something buried down beneath her shallow exterior.