A/N: this beauty is the bastard child of me spending too much time looking around for Ali/Mor smuts that satisfy my criteria, listed as 'Idea' under my random notes in my profile, a lovely story called 'Witch of the Wilds' by Iskah81 with the best innuendo i've heard in ages, just because of how silly it is, and spending too long talking with my brother who JUST got DA:O and is figuring out how much fun screwing with the characters can be...

not to mention our discussion of the crazy shinanigans that i've had happen with my character that somehow break every rule in the game, so pitching this idea, i was rather ubruptly 'informed' i was to write it, no exceptions, and at some point i'm to do a full on play-by-play of my time play the game, because appearently my character, a Female-Elf-Mage, by the name of Tess who sports dark skin, white hair, crystal blue eyes, and brickish red thorn-style markings, is not only one of the most unique ones i've ever made, but the sheer SHINANIGANS that i've had happen to her is just epic enough that it had to be put out... plus, i honestly wish there was a scene like this in Loithering... its hilarious...

Ps: my Dog's name was Balthazar and poor poor Tess, i only ever wanted her to end up with Cullen .-. too bad no one else didn't know that...

Dis: bethesda, or whoever the hell made DA:O owns this, if you don't know it, its probably mine, sorta, but probably not...

ENJOY!


To Smite in Winter…

Lothering…

A tiny little town to the south of what some called 'The Grand Crossroads', somewhere above the Kokari Wilds and Ostagar. A tiny place which at the moment was being plagued by refugees running from the oncoming blight to the south, the far south, and where there were refugees there were profiteers, bandits, and anyone else that could gain from someone else's misfortune.

Tess just stared at the tiny village and the mounting refugee camps and tents, crystalline blue eyes just taking in the despondent atmosphere blankly. Here she was, 20, dark skinned elf-woman, excommunicated from the circle of mages for the happenings of a man she had called 'friend' and indicted into the Grey Wardens. Whom had, all but one other, died at Ostagar with their king, a man she'd only vaguely heard about whilst within the tower walls, since politics never really mattered much to enclosed mages after all. She wouldn't mind this journey, after all, it was meant to bring peace and end the blight, right? They'd already figured out what to do, take the treaties from Flemeth, ralley the races, and somehow persuade the humans to help as well… easy right?

Balthazar barked next to her, she tilted her brick-red thorn-like marked face towards the large Mabari, dark skinned hand absentmindedly scratching the war-dog behind his head and watched him openly pant and wag his stub of a tail. A white brow rose on her face as he barked again, somehow just knowing what was running through her mind.

She sighed openly, closing her eyes and hand still petting him, "You're right, just have to deal with it…" She could hear her companions already, for some reason the two of them had dawdled on the raised steps after they'd had their little pow-wow about what they were going to do. By some act of the Maker she was deemed the 'leader', okay, great, that was just fine with her, Alistair didn't seem to want to do it despite him being 'senior' and Morrigan didn't have the decency to care about others to actually 'lead', so between her and her dog there was really no choice. Of course, if either of the two had actually taken the title, she was sure the other would have left immediately, since all they seemed to have done since leaving the Witch of the Wilds hut was bicker back and forth like small children. Another sigh begrudgingly released itself from her toned lips, by the Maker what had she done to deserve this?

Crystalline eyes under white brows turned back over her shoulder to look upon her traveling companions, yes there they were, arguing still about Maker-knew-what, she'd considered putting them both under a Mass Stun just to see what it'd do, but thought better against wasting the mana on squabbling children. They were finally making their way down the stairs, for Andraste's sake, Morrigan having her arms crossed haughtily under her rather revealed chest, while Alistair stumbled behind her, one hand raised like he was trying to make some point, looking both clumsy and flustered all the same.

Tess just scratched behind Bal's ear, seeing as he decided to sit down next to her, watching the approaching 'pack-mates', the white-haired elf-woman idly wondered if that's how he really saw them. When they'd run across him being chased down by those darkspawn he seemed to have imprinted on her, recognizing her as the one that gave him the medicine and overall saved his life, so he automatically was amicable with her, almost like they were siblings, twins even, like they had spent every moment of their lives together. It was how he reacted to the others that made her wonder, bowling up to Morrigan with a skip in his padded steps, presenting her with the head of a gunlock he'd beheaded, and seemingly offering it to her like a prize. The witch obviously didn't like it, but from the conversation Tess could only wonder if their Witch of the Wilds could actually understand what the poor dog 'said' to her, as she bit him a rather harsh 'No I will not take that thing, or your offering you disgusting little beast…' and when Alistair, thinking the dog had done it to irritate the apostate, reached over to pet him, to 'congratulate' Bal for overall pissing off the witch, the Mabari had growled once before snapping at him, backing all the way until he was growling behind Tess' robes. Curious reaction, although it had resulted in Morrigan sticking uncomfortably close to Alistair, if only to both annoy him and stay out of reach of the dog.

Thus the continuous string of bickering and banter the poor elf-mage had been dealing with on their trail to Lothering. Those poor, poor Bandits had no idea who they were dealing with they approached her four-something self with their 'toll', had they taken the time to consider her mood, or the dog at her heel, they may have left with their cloths along with their lives. Just because she was irritated didn't mean she had to go around killing people… this also didn't mean she didn't have the absolute right to humiliate them and take their stuff as well just to appease her mood slightly. She was currently buckling under a few packs of leathers and wondering if she could convert a few into saddle bags and attach them to Balthazar… just for the added space of course…

So after that tragic, and humiliating fiasco, garnering a 'good job' from Alistair when he realized she was going to let them live, only for him to gaff as she turned Morrigan's frown into a sizable grin when she forced the bandits to drop their money, weapons, and trousers… who know a tiny elf-mage could be so intimidating when having a 'bad' day. They'd discussed their 'plans' on the steps only a few feet away, realizing that they didn't really have a plan beyond 'take treaties to the mages, dwarves, and elves, and then take over the country somehow and destroy the blight'. Morrigan had rightfully called them both idiots, and questioned openly why her mother had sent her with them. Alistair had offered up his apparent 'uncle' the Arl of Redcliffe, as someone they could go speak with for the whole 'human' side of things, but she had protested going there now, it didn't seem right. When inquired further where they would go, by Morrigan no less, the white haired elf had said blankly 'To the Dalish…' her reasoning being that since it was the spring, the Dalish would be in their camp in the Brecilian Forest this time of year, and it was the closest into Feralden as they were going to get, why waste the time looking for them later? The two had simply looked at her, taken in her short stature, pointed ears, and facial tattoos and said something she felt was entirely racist. Had she been inclined to the tiny elf-woman may have taken her Mages Staff and walloped the both of them, instead turning them with a stern gaze and stating rather bluntly 'I'm a mage, being an elf means nothing to me…' that seemed to suffice for the witch, but Alistair still stared at her with that clumsily suspicious look, not threatening just irritating.

It was after that idea was made final that she'd take the steps down, with hopes of heading into the small village to gather what information was to be had, they'd been out for awhile at Flemeth's hut, no sense assuming the world didn't turn without their knowledge. Idly her ear had twitched when the templar made some comment about thinking Tess would want to go back to the Tower first. Thankfully she didn't need to comment, as Morrigan just threw him a glance and called his intelligence into question, again, and unfortunately that had been the start of their current banter, the one where she was still standing at the base of the stairs waiting patiently with Bal for the two of them to get to the sodding lead out.

It was with her hands up in the air as if completely exasperated that Morrigan finally made it to the bottom step, pointing a look at nothing in particular, "T'is a wonder we made it here at all," obvious glance over her shoulder to the fumbling warden, "Given the incompetence…"

"Incompetence?" Alistair quirked a rosy blonde brow at her, "Right, because hacking sniveling Darkspawn to bits while you're trying some little spell didn't help you at all…" a smirk passed the templar's face.

Gold eyes could only narrow on him, "As if I required your assistance…"

"Really," he said in that guffish way of his, "then please, Witch, pre tell why I bothered? Oh right!" he pointed at her almost childishly, "Your mother, for some Maker-spited reason, sent you with us, MAKING," there was really no reason for him to poke her in the shoulder other than to irritate her more, "you OUR responsibility…"

She swatted his hand away from her, "T'is hardly YOUR responsibility…"

"I'll remember that," a smug and dark grin passed over Alistair's face, "The next time darkspawn wish to drag you off and have their way with you…"

"I'll have you know, Templar," now it was her turn to poke slim fingers into his shoulder, "I've been dealing with their likes long before you left your mother's teet…"

Neither of them noticed the pained look that crossed his features a moment, "Really, still attached were you when Flemeth was calling the horde?"

"No…" Morrigan seemed to growl before turning her features into a sneer at him, "Only when she was dispatching the likes of you!"

Tess merely crossed her arms and put her head in her hand, trying with no success to block out the incessant bickering, "Maker… besides being a Mage, an Elf, leaving the tower, joining the Grey Wardens, and for whatever reason having no problem with the likes of Morrigan and her mother…" she looked up into the cloudy skies with solemn eyes, "What did I do to deserve this?"

Balthazar simply barked.

"Oh not you too, you hairy beast," the witch crossed her arms glaring at the poor dog.

"Good dog!" Alistair grinned stupidly, "Whatever you said to the nasty Witch."

"Trust, dolt," her golden eyes glanced at him sidelong, "what that beast said was none too kind to you…"

"Bad dog," he waved at finger at the Mabari's muzzle, realizing only a moment later how foolish it was as the large Mastiff-like maw snapped at his appendage.

"I'm curious," Tess turned form her prayers to her traveling companions, questioning not only their sanity but her own for dealing with them, "What is the point of all this arguing?" she raised a white brow at their collective silence, "Since we are here, Morrigan has shown us the way AND we've made a plan… so…" the questioning in her tone was obvious, but what the question was, was not.

"Right!" their warrior dropped his fist into his other hand, "Why are you still here?"

The witch's gold eyes just blinked at him, "Repeat that, dolt, I believe you were saying something stupid."

"Um…" Tess tried miserably to interject, raising her hand but failing miserably as it seemed she'd only managed to somehow spark yet another 'bickering-session'.

"Fine, Witch, I'll spell it out for you," he cleared his throat dramatically, "Since we're here, we don't need you here, your services are no longer required," he waved his hand in a shooing motion, "Have a good day and don't let the Mabari bite you on your way back to your woods, witch."

Balthazar got off his hunches and growled openly before barking at the two.

"You insufferable beast," the dark haired woman snapped at Alistair before turning towards the dog," You too," she glares at the both of them, "Fine!" the smoldering detest in her eyes only lessened the slightest as she turned to her fellow mage, "It seems my welcome is worn out," she waves her hand at the two males in a flourish while turning, "Good day, I hope you choke on it…"

"Wa-" The poor elf-mage is left stumped; two seconds ago she had silence, now one of her companions was walking away… the only other mage, let alone only other woman! Her blue eyes scanned the two still standing next to her; there was no way she was going to…

"Hmp," Alistair crossed his arms haughtily, "Better off, not like we need someone of her kind around…"

"My kind!" who knew Morrigan could hear so well, let alone stomp up to the man about half a foot taller than her so quickly, pointing an accusing hand at him, "You. Have. No. idea what I am!"

Alistair merely put his hands on his hips, rolling his eyes, "Like I'd want to," he just stares down at her, inciting her eyes to narrow at him, "Hm, evil, Maker-damned thi-"

"OH THAT IS ENOUGH!" both apostate and templar turn to see their little friend fuming, "Honestly! I can't believe this-"

"I know," he turned back to glaring at Morrigan, "that the Witch is still here…"

Tess seemed to deflate and twitch a moment, "What? No-"

"T'is fine," she was glaring back at Alistair, eyes narrowed like a predator's, "I'll leave," her poignant glare lingered on him before she turned heel and started walk, "May the both of you choke on your piety."

Balthazar hops in front of her, looking worried and whining before barking at her.

The Witch of the Wilds just glares her golden cat-like eyes at the dog, "No, you may not!" and she brushes past the whining dog.

"Alistair!" the tiny elf-woman comes up behind him, glaring with her crystalline blue eyes, "We need her!"

"But-" the obviously larger man stumbled back a step, for some reason the little elf-woman could be really, really intimidating.

"No," she waved her hand quickly to end his protest before going after Morrigan, Bal falling in quickly at her heels, "Morrigan, wait!" the deviant mage just keeps walking, "Please, we need you, no matter what he says!" she calls out hoping, but still the dark woman keeps walking. Desperate, Tess fidgets for something to say that'll at least make the woman stop walking, there's no way she was going to be making this journey with just the likes of Alistair and her dog… her head pops up in an idea, she glances back at her Templar companion, a wicked grin passing her lips a moment that makes him want to squirm. Before the man can so much as question that deviant look on his fellow warden's face, she turns back and shouts at the top of her lungs towards the witch, "I'LL SELL YOU ALISTAIR!"

"What!" the man can only twitch, his poor mind being unable to comprehend what just happened.

Even stranger, Morrigan pauses in her trip in the general direction of away, and turns back to her fellow mage, a raised brow laced with intrigue.

Tess can only grin on the inside, "That's right, you can have him, do what you want with him…" the open grin spreading on her tattooed face is only slightly creepy.

Alistair gaffs, "Tess! What-th-are-huh?"

The white-haired elf just stares at him over her shoulder, only a slight glare in her eyes, "You're the one that started this, so it's going to be you that finishes it!"

The poor man only gulps.

During the short exchange of blame between the Wardens, Morrigan was making her steps back to them, an obvious 'bounce' to them, as she held a winning sneer on her face, "T'is an… interesting, proposal…" she makes no notice of the how the color drains from Alistair's face at the word 'proposal', nor the snicker Tess fails miserably to hide behind her hand. Black eyebrow quirked she takes several steps closer to their templar, uncomfortably invading his personal space as the color rushes back to his face a moment, "So what exactly do I want to do with you… hmm…" there was a sparkle in her cat-like eyes that just spoke of all sorts of mischief.

Alistair gulped looking down at the scantily clad wild woman, "uh… I can cook?"

Off to the side both Tess and Bal looked like they were gagging.

Morrigan closed her eyes in thought, leaning back and shaking her head, "T'is untrue…" she quirked her eyes open again, openly appraising him as she looked him up and down, noting the color that continued to come to his face. She perched her chin in one hand and gave him a saucy grin, "though, I do suppose there is one thing you could be good for…"

The gagging turned into snickering and yelping barks.

"Wha-?" it took him a moment of confusion before Alistair put the pieces together, her grin only gaining in size as he realized she was watching him very closely, and knew he knew, "Oh, wait, no," she smirked even more and he could feel the heat rushing to his face, "Maker, no! No way!" he waved his hands in front of him taking a step back.

The witch quirked a black brow before turning towards their leader, "I have rights to him, do I not?"

Tess had a blank look on her face, before the edge of her lip tilted up the slightest as she looked straight at Alistair, "Of course you do, if it means you are indeed going to continue traveling with us…"

Morrigan gave an appraising smirk, just eyeing him as she seemed to 'weigh' the 'deal' in her mind, probably doing it more so just to watch him squirm some more.

And squirm he did, "Tess," he looked at her seemingly blank eyes, "You have got to be joking?" she continued to stare, he began to sweat, "Alright, I get it, I was in the wrong, I shouldn't have said anything to the wit- er, Morrigan like that," he braved a glance at the woman who was apparently 'buying' him, he raised his hands in a meager defense from the women, "So really, I'm sorry, you don't have to sell me or anything…"

"I certainly think she does," the dark witch crossed her arms, gaining a more intimidating pose, that smirk still on her face as she watched him squirm.

He gave one last look at his fellow warden, imploring her, "Please?"

The petite woman merely looked at him blankly, "I told you, you were going to be the one to finish this…"

The warrior twitched as he glanced back at Morrigan, who'd for some Maker-awful reason had a predatory look in her eyes, "Look, it's not even like you have the right to sell me anyway-"

"Don't I?" she quirked a white brow, looking at her fellow woman and mage.

"Of course she does," Morrigan grinned evilly at the squirming templar, "You made her the leader, did you not? Therefore she has the right to do with you as she wills…"

Alistair's grayish-brown eyes locked onto the tiny elf-woman, an 'et tu Brute?' look obvious on his face as she just smirked at his discomfort.

As much as Tess was enjoying making her fellow Warden squirm, especially after having to deal with all the incessant bickering he made up half of, she did feel some pity, somewhere in the bottom of her stomach she suspected, or that may have just been hunger. She sighed openly before turning to Morrigan, "I don't suppose we can save him the embarrassment and have you just remain with us?" she eyed the woman honestly, her manner courteous and seeking no more ill will amongst them, but she knew she did need Morrigan, if a Maker-knows-how-old being like Flemeth sent the young woman with them, there was a damn good reason. And if worse came to worse she would write up some 'official' documents and have this whole thing over with, "Please?"

Morrigan lightly glared at the smaller woman, though it didn't hold any of the spiteful bite she'd come to expect, if anything the mysterious wilds woman seemed amused by this whole ordeal. She sighed openly before placing her hands on her hips, "T'is agreed then, if you will have me I shall continue onward with you," she looked up at Alistair, her eyes still appraising if not holding something else, "Though know this, dolt, should you push this strenuous truce again in such a manner," she smirked wickedly, "I'm sure Tess would be more than willing to give your rights to me," the woman grinned openly, and evilly, as she walked past him with an odd 'skip' to her step.

Alistair just shuddered as she passed, "Remind me again not to do… whatever just happened, again," he looked to his 'friend', "I'd rather be turned into a toad."

"T'is an easy arrangement!" the Witch of the Wilds threw back over her shoulder at the man.

He shuddered again, looking at his travel companion.

Tess merely giggled behind her hand, the entire event far too amusing, "Surely you kid?"

The man shuttered again, "No… just no…"

The young mage quirked a white brow at him, "Truly?" at his blank look in her direction she continued, "Why not?" the man stared at her, and if she didn't know any better Morrigan had stopped in her tracks as well, seemingly making her way back, "What?" the little elf huffed as the two stared at her, "I was under the impression it was every Templar's dream to…" she cleared her throat, " 'smite an apostate in winter'?"

Morrigan turned around and tried miserably to hide her snickering.

Alistair just blushed before sputtering, "W-where d-did you hear such a thing?"

Tess raised an honestly curious brow, "I read about it…"

"Where?" Alistair was still flustered from the innuendo, "You're from the circle aren't you?"

The little dark skinned elf just put her hands on her hips and glared 'up' at the templar.

"T'is a curious thought indeed," Morrigan decided to rejoin their conversation, her own curiosity evidently pointed at their 'leader', "From what I was told by my mother, the circle didn't 'Encourage' such basic functions in their chantry bred mages…" she side glanced over to Alistair, "T'is another reason she refused such raising," she said with a wicked smirk.

Tess just huffs again, "We ARE taught about…" she blushes, which isn't as evident due to her tattoos and darker skin, "the basics…" more blushing as she looks away, "Just so we 'know'…" she shrugged, trying to ignore the looks on the other two, "Though it is highly 'discouraged'."

"Reeaally?" The smirk and sneer in Morrigan's eye didn't help the color on their leader's face.

Alistair rubbed his chin, "That still doesn't explain why you would think…" unconsciously his eyes turned down towards the apostate next to him, inciting a flush in his face when she looked up at him with those golden eyes under long lashes. Oh he knew she'd caught him when that evil grin crossed her face and the mischievous glint returned to her eyes.

Tess turned from the two, just to ease her own nerves, "like I said, I read about it," she glanced back at them; "At the tower we practically live in a library… you honestly think they don't have any saucy fantasies somewhere in there?"

The two gave each other a look. "Nope." "Not really."

Crystalline eyes rolled, "Honestly, I thought they taught you Templers more then they taught us, considering I've seen just about every Templar recruit reading…" she blushed again before shutting her mouth.

"Reading what?" it wasn't surprising at all that Morrigan sounded authentically intrigued, and wasn't bothered in the least. Alistair, while blushing like Tess, also seemed intrigued.

Again, the Elvin woman rolled her eyes, "fine," and she took off her pack and rummaged around in it for a few moments. Alistair and Morrigan spared each other another glance before Tess seemed to pull something out of her pack, "Here," she handed it to Alistair, since he'd asked, while Morrigan leaned over reading the title.

" 'To smite in winter'," she raised a brow, "Suppose that explains the earlier prose," she still had a glint of mischief in her eyes as she glanced at the fidgeting elf.

"Yes," she coughed, "I thought they taught you guys a class or something, since as I said, just about every Templar I saw at the tower I'd caught reading that book."

The black haired woman raised a brow, leaning away as Alistair started reading some of the contents, "Spent a lot of time in the library, is it?" she had that grin again, looking for some kind of mischief.

Tess fidgeted again, fixing the taller woman with a light glare, "I'm a mage, and more then that I'm an elf," her crystalline eyes narrowed only the slightest, "Even in the tower, where there were only about five of us, we were treated different," she didn't have to add the part that she was especially treated differently, being unusually skilled, not to mention having Dalish tattoos while the others were all obviously alienage elves… she was truly a unique spectacle at the tower, not to mention often left alone. She huffed again, looking to the side, "I spent most of my time reading every book, scroll, ledger, and parchment available in the library."

"T'is quite apparent," Morrigan smirked, "Including the inventory they probably never meant to be found," she leaned back trying to get a good look at the pages that had apparently enraptured their male companion. His face was so red she was momentarily worried his head would explode from the pressure, "T'is interesting I take it?"

Alistair seemed to jump, not realizing the Witch was so close to him, shutting the book with his thumb keeping his place. He gulped openly as the women stared at him, and started to try and remember what it was like to breathe.

Tess raised her brow, "See, I thought so," she shook her head scholarly, "it seems even hardened warriors bound to the chantry can't escape the idea of a chance encounter on a witch-hunt, ending in a saucy encounter of one means or another…"

"Please stop saying saucy…" Alistair put his head in his hand, apparently ashamed, as he held the book out to give back to Tess.

"Honestly," Morrigan grabbed the book roughly from his offering hand, "It can't be any worse then what my mother told me she did with the Chasind men she could hunt down…" she cracked open the books spine, finding a random page and started reading.

The other two, Tower-mage and Chantry-templar just stared at the Witch of the Wilds, both blushing profusely as she kept reading.

Then she started reading out loud:

"… it was deep in the wilds that Gorik, a holy messenger of the Maker and devout to the teaching of the chant, had tracked an apostate to this very spot. Rumors ran rampant in the neighboring towns of a fiendish mage wielding unseemly amounts of power, who attacked and pillaged their lands…"

"Oh how boring enough with this background fodder," Morrigan then flipped about two pages, not even paying attention as the other two seemed to migrate behind her so they could read over her shoulder. Finding the part she was looking for she kept reading:

"… As the battle reached its peak, Gorik cast his smite, finally finding the mage who had been attacking him relentlessly. It had been a spectacular fight, and a part of the pious man would weep over dispatching such a cunning opponent. As he stepped closer to where his attack had struck, he was surprised to only find robes and a forgotten staff.

"What is this?" he leaned down, sensing the magic in the clothing, and tracing it to further into the woods. It wasn't long before he had found a blood trail, and using his training, he followed it, looking for any sight of the mage he had been sent to dispatch.

It wasn't long until he had found it; there in the middle of a clearing was a large dire wolf, its pelt grey and shimmering in the light. But as he stepped closer he realized the creature was anything that it seemed, in fact it transformed in front of his eyes, from a terrifying beast, to a woman, pale as the driven snow, with long golden hair and a perfect form he couldn't pull his eyes away from.

It was with a sudden realization that gazing at this beautiful, nude woman, that he wanted nothing more than to sheath his sword into her…"

It was so sudden that the two listeners jumped away with red faces that it took them a moment to realize why Morrigan had stopped reading.

She was laughing.

Not a snide snicker like they were used to, no, she was full on belly aching laughing as she held the book in her hand.

The two blushing stared at each other a moment, then back to their apparently hysteric companion.

"Oh dear sweet…" she laughed again, "T'is this really what gets you people so flustered?" she turned on them, waving the book around and catching their blushing faces, "Honestly, T'is nothing compared to my mother's stories…" if anything the two flushed even more. The Witch of the Wilds turned open the book again, flipping through the stories, one title catching her attention, "In fact…" she drawled as she skimmed a few pages, "Here's one," she snickered openly, marking the page before handing it to their leader.

The little elf-woman blushed openly as she trepidatiously held the book open in front of her, eyes scanning the page, knowing full well that Alistair was leaning over her shoulder reading it as well. Against her better judgment, she started twitching all over as the color in her face became obvious.

"Well," Alistair raised his brow, "That is one way to use a transformation spell," while his face was as red as their leader's he couldn't help the curiosity that rose to his mind as he looked upon their own Witch of the Wilds, "I don't suppose you've ever tried this?"

Morrigan just stared at him bluntly for a minute, "Tried what, dolt?"

Alistair rose his own brow, nonchalantly, as he glance at the book as Tess flipped the page, the color never leaving her face, "Huh, so I guess that means you really aren't human?"

A black brow twitched as Morrigan glared at the Templar, "What do you mean, speak fool?"

The man openly grinned, taking a step away from their obviously brain-dead leader, as he knew this was just about to get ugly… oh, but it was so worth it, "Well, with your mother being a shapeshifter and all, I suppose that would explain your eyes," he grinned so wide with his teeth, as he just had to see the look on that woman's face, "Eh, Pussy-cat?"

That did it, Morrigan finally snapped, pulling her staff off her back she threw a magic bolt at the Templar, whom merely dissipated it. The man didn't draw his sword and shield off his back, instead kept grinning that damnable fool's grin at the woman, before continuing making several comments about her paternity. This did nothing to stop the woman from hurling all manner of magic his way just to blow off steam.

Now, if their leader had been paying any kind of attention, she would have noticed the ensuing chaos and wondered why their wilds mage hadn't just turned into a giant spider, wrapped him in silk, and used him as a templar-bouncy-ball. But, seeing as she wasn't, and was simply reading a potentially trans-species piece involving a shapeshifting mage and a Templar she'd turned into a Mabari…

Bal, making himself known again, and knowing that it was bad to have his pack-mates fighting in such a fashion, especially with their constant threats of darkspawn nearby, nipped his partner on the sleeve and shook the book out of her hand.

"Hey! I was read-" Tess snapped at her companion, flustered as he seemed to be glaring at her to do something. She looked at the two 'dueling', or Maker-help-her she hoped they were 'dueling' because she certainly didn't have the talents to heal them if they really hurt each other. She scrunched her face up into a pout before glancing back to her dog, "Bal, I think I may… need…" she quirked a white brow at the dog, he seemed to be staring intently at the book that was left open on the ground, "Bal?"

He nosed to the next page.

The white-haired elf-woman stared at her war-dog for a good few minutes, he'd managed about seven pages, before he seemed to perk up in a way she'd never seen before, panting loudly with his snub of a tail wagging furiously, "Bal…?" she eyed him queerly, before noticing he too was staring at something. By the time she'd thought to look at what he was looking at, he had bolted across the field towards her fellow mage.

"Beastly creature! What do you think you're doing!" there was a pause as the dog let loose a howl and doubled his pace towards her. Never in the time that she'd known her had Tess seen such a frightened look on the wilds mage's face, "No! No! NO! STAY BACK YOU BEAST!" and suddenly she was running faster than ever towards Alistair, who was frozen trying to comprehend what just happened.

"Witch, what in the Maker's name has gotten in to him?"

"Don't ask; just get the beast away from me!"

"But, what-?"

"Aaaahhhh!"

Another howl split the air as Tess just watched her companions chasing each other.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached down to pick up the book, flipping back a few pages back, and skimmed through whatever it was that had riled her dog up so much. The result just made her blush even deeper then she thought she could, as she raised her head from the book to see Balthazar nipping and barking at Alistair, whom for some ungodly reason had picked up Morrigan and had her tossed over his shoulder while using his shield to block the obviously 'rutting' dog. The Witch of the Wilds looked non-too-pleased about her position but was using it as an advantage to wallop the dog with her staff.

Tess, their leader, Gray Warden, ex-circle mage, and apparent peddler of 'Saucy Fantasies', could only smirk as one thing came to mind to say to this situation, "Who knew Mabari could read?"


A/N: what is it with me and perverted humor... its not even 'bad' its just rediculously hilarious for no damn reason... XD

and about the last bit, anyone else find it hilarious that if you had the Dog and Morrigan, but not Alistair, she would talk to the dog? and not only that, he seemed to constantly want to give her something like he had a crush on her? then we throw in shapeshifting... :D

i feel evil...

Comments, Questions, Go read 'Witch of the Wilds', and for the love of the Old Gods somebody write me some Ali/Mor love that doesn't end up with him screwing Leliana while she takes care of their God-baby... seriously, that's just pissing me off... -cough- i mean, tea?

Till next -Salute-waves- Sayounara, Mina!

-Ikasury

Ps: i'm considering making this a going thing, just to have the hilarity of the 'Saucy Fantises' continue XD