Because Of You
Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of One Tree Hill.
Authors Note: Another one! For my dedicated Deben fan!
Love In These Eyes
Somewhere in the night,
There is darkness, there is light
And I'm reaching within to find, where the sadness ends.
'Cause maybe then I'll know,
Why I always feel alone.
I need something to hold, something to call my own.
Karen attempted to stretch her limbs as she awakened from her slumber, but she quickly found herself incapable of mobility. Eyes fluttered open and she was met with the dark ceiling above. She could feel a warmth encircling her body, and hair tickling the skin of her chest, as well as a foreign contact between her thighs. She was confused.
Craning her neck she looked down and quickly realized what was constraining her. It was Deb. This was not strange really, they had snuggled on occasion when the blonde had broken down in her arms crying, or when they had simply moved together in the darkness of the room, seeking comfort and closeness, but this was different. Deb was lying on top of her in a not so innocent position. Her head resting against her chest, her arms tightly wrapped around her small waist, and her knee nestled between her thighs dangerously close to her womanhood.
A blush covered her cheeks and her eyes widened as she felt Deb move in her sleep and her thigh press up harder against her heated center.
"Oh lord…" Karen whispered out into the darkness. She felt a sensation shoot through her body at the contact and she had to literally suppress a moan. This was shocking, she had never thought of her best friend in this way. She would normally be disgusted at the thought of anyone aside from a significant other touching her there, and yet, she had enjoyed the contact.
It was disheartening and a little bit terrifying. Especially since she found herself wanting more of the contact.
"Deb." She whispered out into the darkness, hoping to wake the blonde mother and save her from her imprisonment. This caused Deb to move once more in her sleep, lifting her knee and pressing it against her center, eliciting a moan. "God…" Karen groaned out, trying to shift her hips away from the intruding leg. "Deb, you need to wake up." She attempted once more.
Suddenly, Deb was drawn out of her sleep as she heard Karen's voice. Sitting up quickly, her blonde hair splayed all over her face and shoulders, tangled in knots, she stared down at the beautiful woman that she was practically molesting in her sleep.
"Oh shit, Karen, I'm so sorry." She apologized hastily, before pushing herself off of the other woman. Now straddling her hips and looking down at her.
Karen's blush intensified as her large eyes wandered the exposed skin of Deb's stomach as she stretched her body out. "It-its fine Deb, really, I just…" Her voice trailed off and she quickly realized that she had no idea what she wanted to say. She could not explain the feelings that she had been having because they were odd, and they would probably only serve to cause the other woman discomfort. Besides, they did not mean anything; Karen only liked Deb as a friend.
Deb felt guilty, as if she had taken advantage of Karen's sleeping state in order to get closer to her. "It's perfectly fine Karen, you don't have to explain." She flashed her a smile as she crawled out of the bed, calming her racing heart.
Find a wishing well or a shooting star,
Find a fairytale that takes me so far,
Away from here I just want to feel more.
'Cause I've been waiting all my life,
For a fire to burn and a lesson to learn,
Nothing ever turns out right,
But I still believe that someday I'll see that,
It's never too late to find,
Love in these eyes.
Deb and Karen were both currently sipping on their coffee and talking about the encounter with Dan the prior evening. Karen could tell that the blonde was more upset with the fact that he had shown up, but that made sense. He was a reminder to her of why she started drinking, of why she started popping pills, and of the son that she did not have in her life any longer. He was everything that she hated and everything that she blamed for her problems.
But, Karen could not be more proud of her friend. She considered Dan showing up as a test. He had shown up and it had tested how far along Deb was in her rehabilitation, because she had stood up to him. She had told him to leave and then when he did leave, despite being depressed, she had not turned to substance abuse.
Of course, there was another factor.
Deb now had her to turn to, and Karen worried what would happen when she didn't. Lately, she had started to feel like that day may never come. She had gotten so used to having the older woman living with her, that she often felt as if they were in some sort of committed relationship, but then she would realize that was not the case.
Eventually, they would both find men, settle down, and Deb would move out.
That thought caused her to feel uneasy.
"I wish that Nathan would return my calls." Deb announced as she continued to sip on her coffee. Karen smiled sadly at her friend. She understood that feeling, she could remember when Lucas had moved in with Dan, how distanced she had felt, how empty she was not having him in her life. She wouldn't wish that feeling on her worst enemy, let alone her closest friend.
"I know Deb, but I'm sure he'll come around. He just needs to see that you are really changing and getting better."
"I hope you're right." She whispered out.
"I know I am." Karen said, earning a laugh from the blonde mother.
Reaching across the table she placed a hand over Deb's, giving it a soft squeeze. For the first time though, the contact did not feel innocent nor did it feel friendly and thoughts of the morning resurfaced in her mind. She could recall how amazing it had felt when Deb moved her leg against her and how she had moaned out in pleasure, these thoughts causing her to blush. This was starting to bother her; she shouldn't feel this way simply holding her best friend's hand.
Deb blushed as well, staring back into Karen's eyes. She could have sworn that she saw something behind them, something that was more than friendly affection. For a moment her mind tempted her to take a chance and tell her about how she felt for her, to kiss her, but she couldn't risk that.
If she lost Karen now, she knew that she would spiral back into the darkness and probably never awaken again.
"Thank you so much for everything Karen; I couldn't do this without you."
"You thank me every day." Karen laughed.
Deb blushed further as she looked down at their interlocked hands and smiled. "It's because I am so grateful. You tell me all the time that I don't need to thank you, but I really do. You have no idea how much you have done for me and how much you mean to me."
Then it clicked. Karen really did care for Deb; she cared for her in more than a friendly way. It wasn't that she wouldn't help her friends to this intensity, because she would help anyone in need, but it was something behind those beautiful brown eyes that made all of the pieces fit together. That was why she enjoyed this morning, that was why she loved holding her hand, and that was why she loved seeing Deb happy. She was in love with her.
It was probably the most horrifying realization of her life, excluding when she found out that she was pregnant with Lucas in high school.
She didn't know what to do with this revelation. She couldn't tell Deb, could she? Risk everything that they have? Risk their friendship?
Sometimes I get tired,
It's like this road goes on for miles,
And nobody knows how hard it is to smile.
Someday I'll look in the mirror,
And staring back at me,
Will be the person I am,
And the person that I always thought I could be.
I know it has been a while but I have been inspired by re-watching every season of One Tree Hill currently, to add to all of my One Tree Hill fics. I will be adding to this one and three others tonight and then my other four tomorrow. :) I hope that you all enjoy reading this chapter, and please do leave me reviews. I hardly get any encouragement for this couple and it really sucks because I love them so much!