Last one. I should post the sequel soon.
Disclaimer:I own nothing
We drove for a while in silence. Finally Phil broke the silence.
"I think it's time we called Tracy. The wedding is today and I don't think we'll find Doug by then."
Stu sighed "Finally. Yes call Tracy."
Phil pulled over and we got out of the car. Phil walked away from us to call Tracy and other Doug went to go pee. I sat on the hood next to Alan and watched Phil in the distance for a few minutes before putting my head in my hands in defeat.
Doug walked back over to us "Thanks for the lift back to town."
Stu stood up straight and looked at him "I got a question for you."
"How did you wind up in Chow's car?"
"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday."
"Okay, but why? I mean, why you?"
"He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging out at the Bellagio."
Alan looked over at Doug "We were the Bellagio?"
Doug looked at Alan "Yeah we were shooting craps. You don't remember?"
Stu looked at him sharply "No. No, we don't remember. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy."
"Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?"
"Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer."
I looked up from my hands to Doug "Ruphylin is the date-rape drug. It's a muscle relaxer and a huge side-affect is memory loss. Therefore making it the perfect drug to give someone when you want to do something to them they don't want to do without them remembering."
Doug looked at me weird "How'd you know all that?"
I shrugged "I'm a nurse. Commonly used drugs are best to have memorized."
Stu cut in "Well you sold Alan roofies."
Doug looked at Alan "Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault Alan. Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one. It's funny cause just the other day me and my boy, we were wondering why they even call them roofies. You know what I'm talking about."
Stu shrugged "No. Don't know what you're talking about."
"Why not floories right. Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good name for them."
Alan chimed in "Or how about rapies?"
Stu got this look on his face like he just realized something "Wait, what did you just say?"
Alan looked at him "Rapies."
"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?"
"I said groundies."
"No before that. You said 'you were more likely to end up on the floor than-'"
He paused for a minute and then his eyes widened "PHIL!"
Stu took off running towards Phil and tackled him.
I slid off the hood "Holy shit. What did he think of?"
I saw Phil push Stu and then Stu said something to him.
Alan stood next to me "What are they saying?"
I saw them get up and run towards us "I don't know but I think we need to get in the car."
The three of us crammed into the back seat and get the car. Stu started driving really fast back towards Vegas.
He looked over at Stu "So you know where we put Doug now?"
Stu shrugged "I don't know man. It just hit me. You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"
Phil nodded "Yeah, we threw it out the window."
Stu shook his head "No, impossible. You can't open windows in Vegas hotels."
"Well, then how did it get-?"
Phil cut himself off thinking. I thought about it too and both hit the same conclusion at the same time with us both yelling out "Oh my God."
Alan looked at us "Whoa, wait. What's going on?"
Stu looked back at him "Doug was trying to signal someone."
Phil chuckled "Holy shit."
Stu nodded "Yes."
"Wait. How did you figure that out?"
"Doug made me realize it."
Phil looked at him confused "Doug?"
"Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug."
Doug pointed at Stu "Hey, hey, easy with shit. Come on."
Poor Alan looked at them confused "Okay, can someone tell me where white Doug is?"
I smiled at Alan "Yeah he's on the roof."
Stu nodded "Yes he's on the roof. We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof."
Phil leaned back "Like that time in summer camp. We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?"
Stu started laughing "Which was hilarious. It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him."
Doug looked at us "You guys are fucking retarded, you know that?"
Phil shook his head "Holy shit. You think he's still up there?"
Stu looked at him "There's only one way to find out."
It didn't take us long to get to the hotel. We ran in and the guys headed to the elevator. I headed over to the front desk.
I smiled at the person behind the desk "Hi. My brother is not feeling to well and I was wondering if I could get a wheelchair?"
The person smiled back "No problem. Do you want it here or for it to be sent up to your room?"
I thought about how the room was still pretty dirty "I'll take it now if you don't mind."
The concierge smiled "Sure just wait here for a minute."
A minute later someone brought me a wheelchair "Thank you."
I rolled the chair to the elevator and took it to the top. I walked out of the elevator and waited by the entrance to the roof. The boys came through and I rushed to Doug.
"Here sit down. You have to be dehydrated."
Doug sat down and I rolled him to the elevator. I looked down at him and his red face "Aww, Dougie you're so red."
He gave me a glare so I shut up. We rode the elevator to our room and Doug looked around "What the hell did you guys do?"
I shrugged "It used to be worse. Alan slipped us all roofies so we can't remember." I looked at the guys "You go pack us. I have to take care of Doug."
I started taking Doug to the bathroom "Alan roofied us?"
I nodded and started running cold water in the bathtub "Yeah but it was an accident. He thought it was ecstasy. Now get undressed and hop in while I go get you water."
I walked over to the kitchen area and grabbed a couple of water bottles. I walked back to the bathroom and handed one to Doug.
"Five minutes then get out and put on that bathrobe."
He nodded and I left. I walked to the room Stu was in "Hey you have to go check us out."
Stu sighed and then nodded "I hope they don't charge me too much for the damage."
I shook my head at him pushed him towards the door. I found Alan and told him to go have them bring the car around for us. Five minutes later I had Doug back in the wheel chair and the rest of the guys carrying all our luggage in the elevator going down to leave. Stu was on the phone with the airport trying to find us tickets to get home in time for the wedding. We walked out of the elevator and outside towards Alan.
Stu hung up the phone "Every flight to L.A. is booked."
Phil looked over at him "What about into Burbank?"
"Oh fuck. We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours. Alan where's the car?"
Alan looked up at him "It's on its way."
Stu looked at us "You know what? We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?"
I looked over and saw Jade sitting at a bench not too far. I nudged Stu and pointed her out.
He looked at her "Just give me one second."
Phil sighed "We will leave without you."
Doug stared after him "Is he missing a tooth?"
Alan snorted "Yeah."
The car pulled around and Phil helped Doug in the back seat.
I stood behind him hovering "Be careful with him baby."
Doug looked at us "Baby?"
Phil shrugged "Yeah we got married."
Doug glared at him "If I wasn't in so much pain I'd punch you."
Phil nodded "Fair enough."
I sighed and got in the car. Alan started fussing over the top and Phil started arguing with him about it. Eventually Phil hoped on it and started stomping it down. Phil came and sat back down in the driver's seat and started yelling at Stu with Alan coping him again. Stu ran over to us and hoped in the car and Phil took off. Phil drove extremely fast and luckily the freeway was pretty clear.
Doug looked at us "At least the trip wasn't a total disaster."
Alan looked at him "What makes you say that?"
Doug stuck his hand in pocket "When I woke up on the roof I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket."
We all started cheering.
Doug smiled at us "Looks like we're going home with some money."
When we got closer to L.A. Alan made a call and soon a van from the Tux Shop pulled up next to us on the freeway and tossed the guys suits and we pulled over so they could change while I did my hair and make-up. We got back on the road quickly and drove as fast as we could to the Garner house. We pulled up out front and we all ran inside. The wedding party that was waiting for us turned and looked at all of us.
Stu cleared his throat "Hey. Sorry, mapquest took us on a really crazy route."
I ran over to where my bridesmaid dress was and looked at the boys "Go get in place. We have a wedding to start."
The guys ran to outside where the wedding was set. Tracy looked at me as I was changing into my dress.
I zipped up my dress and grabbed my bouquet "Too long of a story for now. You have to go walk down the aisle."
I got in line ready to walk down the aisle with Phil.
He looked at me "Ready."
I looked up and smiled "Yup."
He looked forward and we started walking down the aisle. At the end we split and I stood on the bride's side. I watched the flower girl's and then I watched Tracy walk down the aisle looking beautiful. She reached Doug and they started whispering. Eventually she smiled at him grabbed his hand.
Throughout the ceremony Phil kept smiling at me making me blush. Eventually it was time for Doug to kiss Tracy and we all cheered. The walked down the aisle with the bridal party following. We went to the area where the reception was being held. Phil was holding my hand when his ex-wife walked up to us with their son, Eli.
"Here I can't stay. His bag is in the house. You are still keeping for the week right?"
Phil nodded "Yeah see you later Steph."
He leaned down and picked up his son "Hey bud, how was your soccer game?"
Eli smiled at his dad "It was great." He then looked at me "Hi Monroe."
I smiled at him "Hey Eli."
Phil looked at me and then back to his son "Hey bud you wanna know a secret?"
Eli nodded. Phil chuckled "Well while I was gone I got married to Roe. Isn't that cool?"
Eli started smiling and nodding. We had always gotten along and I was happy to know he liked Phil and me together."
Phil smiled "Great. How about we go get some food."
We walked to the food tent and grabbed some food for us and we sat down.
I looked up and saw Melissa headed towards Stu. I groaned "Uh oh."
Phil looked up "What?"
He saw Melissa and groaned too. We watched as they started arguing. Melissa yelled out the word fuck and Phil moved to cover Eli's ears. I smiled at how cute he was with his son. Eventually Melissa yelled out "THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS!"
Stu yelled right back "OH GOOD. BECAUSE WHATEVER THIS IS AIN'T WORKING FOR ME!"
"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!"
Stu hit the table to emphasize his point.
Alan looked at him "You told me it was a bartender."
"Oh you're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."
Melissa glared at him "You're an idiot."
"You're-you- ugh. You're such a bad person. Like, all the way through to your core. Alan, shall we dance?"
We watched Stu run to the dance floor and Alan trailed after a moment.
I looked over at Phil and saw him a huge smile on his face "Go join them. I'll stay with Eli."
He smiled at me kissed me. He jumped up and ran over to his best friends. I smiled watching them dance.
When the reception died down we were all sitting on the patio and Phil had a sleeping Eli in his lap.
Stu looked at Doug "Dougie I gotta tell you man this was a gorgeous wedding."
Phil shrugged "I give it six months."
I punched him in the shoulder and Stu called him a dick.
Doug laughed "Bound to last longer than yours."
I snorted "I don't know. But we'll defiantly see.
Doug sighed "I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?"
Stu laughed "Yeah. I just wish that we could actually remember some of it."
Alan walked up to us with a camera in his hand "Hey guys look at what I found."
Stu sat up "Whoa that's my camera."
"Yeah it was lodged in the back seat of the car."
My jaw dropped "Are there photos on there?"
"Yeah. Some of it was worse than we thought."
Phil sat up "No fucking way. Give me that."
Doug stood up "Wait, wait, wait. We look at these pictures together okay? One time. And then we delete the evidence."
Stu stood up "I say we delete it right now."
Phil stood up as well "Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital. Is that in there?"
Alan laughed "Yeah it's in there,"
Doug held up his hands "Guys, one time. Deal?"
We all said deal. Doug held up the camera and turned it on. First picture had us grimacing.
Stu yelled out "Oh dear lord."
Alan laughed "That's classic."